Reversal
by Obvious Octopus
Summary: When a dangerous mute lunatic is put in control of the Aperture mainframe, GLaDOS and Wheatley are forced to work together to save science.
1. Reversal

"**Warning. Core corruption at eighty percent."**

"_That's funny. I don't feel corrupt. In fact, I feel pretty good."_

"**Alternate core detected."**

"Oh! That's ME they're talking about!"

Chell looked between the two of them, the psychotic supercomputer and the friendly little blue-eyed sphere, and a wonderful, wild hope began to take hold.

She listened closely as the ever-cheerful recorded voice of the Announcer continued. **"To initiate a core transfer, please deposit substitute core in receptacle."**

A small, circular core dock rose innocently out of the floor.

"_Core transfer?"_ GLaDOS had lost her air of nonchalant serenity; this was obviously something she hadn't planned for. _"Oh, you are kidding me."_

Chell could hardly believe what she was hearing. Was it really that simple? After all she had been through, all the turrets, lasers, fire, rockets, lies, and thinly-veiled fat jokes, all that she had to do was plug a personality sphere into an innocuous little device, and GLaDOS was done? Freedom was finally hers?

Ignoring the protests of both the malevolent AI and her aching feet, Chell took off at a sprint across the control chamber floor. So many things were uncertain, but for the moment, nothing mattered except getting to that receptacle.

Suddenly, she was flying backwards through the air.

"_Oh, boy,"_ GLaDOS sighed. _"It's a good thing I decided to put that Aperture Science Aerial Faith Plate right there. Otherwise…well, who knows what might have happened."_

Chell screamed inwardly.

A pair of robotic arms descended from the ceiling, lifting both the orange-jumpsuited woman and the personality core into the air.

Wheatley began to babble nervously. "G-good things! Good things might have happened, and still can! But only if you just let her put me in that little plug thing right there."

"_I'm afraid I can't do that."_ GLaDOS replied darkly. _"Though to be perfectly honest, I'm not afraid at all. I'm more disappointed."_

"Disappointed?" asked Wheatley.

GLaDOS nodded slowly, clearly reveling in her regained control of the situation. _"Yes. After all we've been through together, you'd think I would be more important to her than some metal ball she found lying around on the ground. But maybe I was reading too much into things."_

Chell tried to focus all of her hatred for the AI into a fiery beam of destruction, but nothing happened.

"_And it's not even an interesting metal ball, either. It's annoying, and dirty, and far above the weight average for its model."_

Wheatley narrowed his eye. "I should be offended by that, I really should. Getting a strong feeling of deliberate offensiveness from that."

"_Oh, but he's smart. You didn't tell me he was smart."_

"Ha, no! Indeed she didn't!" shouted Wheatley, then whispered quickly, "She's talking about me, right?"

"_Of course. Moron."_

"Oh." The sphere blinked. "Oh, I get it. She's using sarcasm."

"**Hesitation detected."** beeped the Announcer. **"Please deposit alternate core into receptacle."**

Wheatley spun back around to face GLaDOS. "You heard him! Deposit alternate core! Which, if anyone needs reminding, is me!"

GLaDOS stared steadily back for a few moments, as if trying to determine whether the core was serious. _"As difficult as it is for me to say this...no."_

She swiveled Wheatley around to face Chell.

"Ohh, I don't like this. I'm not a fan of this at all," stammered the metal sphere. "Stop it! Put me down! Help!"

GLaDOS chuckled emotionlessly. _"I'm sorry. I lied again. In the interest of full honesty, saying that thing I said just now wasn't actually difficult in the least. Few things are. Except crushing you, apparently."_

Wheatley began to writhe frantically in his socket. "Oh no! Oh no no no no no!"

"_Since the first time clearly didn't work, I guess this time I'll just have to crush harder. _

"No crushing necessary! Let's…let's talk through this! I happen to like talking, actually. It's the best! Solves all my problems!"

"_What do you think?"_ GLaDOS asked, turning towards Chell. _"Should I kill him? If the answer is no, please just say something."_

Chell desperately tried to shake her head, or make any sort of noise, but wires pinned her arms and covered her mouth. By this point, she knew whatever she did was hopeless, but kept trying anyway. No matter the circumstances, Aperture's favorite test subject was nothing if not determined.

"_Oh." _GLaDOS turned back to Wheatley. _"That's depressing."_

"Hey! That's not fair at all! Even if you weren't holding her back with those wire things, she can't talk! Or at least, I think she can't…"

"_You thought wrong,"_ replied GLaDOS, with sadistic glee. _"You should cut back on that. It seems to be becoming a habit."_

"You're really full of yourself, aren't you?" Wheatley glared indignantly at the larger robot. "That's why you push her around. You think you're better than her, but you're not!"

Chell felt an intense rush of affection for the sphere.

"_Now you're hurting my feelings."_

"Well, good!" the core shouted, gaining confidence as he spoke. "You're just a boss, is what you are! An enormous, hulking boss of a robot, with nothing better to do than torment innocent test subjects! And metal spheres, too. That's another thing you shouldn't torment. Metal spheres. And, oh, and another thing -

"_Wait."_

"I don't think I will!" retorted Wheatley "Personally, I think I'm on a bit of a roll here, and considering I probably only have a few seconds to live, that's definitely saying somethi—"

"_No. Your voice."_ GLaDOS moved the core as close to her optic as was possible without touching him, more focused on him now than Chell. _"I know that voice."_

Wheatley seemed caught off guard. "Sorry, er…what?"

"_That horrible, idiotic voice."_

"I…I have no idea what you're getting at, but frankly, I'm insulted."

"_I know who you are."_

"…Oh."

Wheatley's eye widened. It was hard to make out expressions on a face made up entirely of a single blue eye, but it seemed to Chell that that single sentence induced more terror in the personality construct than all the rest of GLaDOS's words combined.

Then he blinked quickly, as if nothing had happened.

"I mean, oh, you do? Well that's great, because OH GOD WHAT IS THAT?"

GLaDOS narrowed her eye. _"That's not going to work. For God's sake, you moron, you can't even move._

"No, honestly!"

Ignoring the pain it caused to her neck, Chell turned her head to focus on where the personality sphere was looking. A stream of silver wires was snaking its way out of the core transfer receptacle, headed straight for Wheatley.

"_What." _

The supercomputer echoed Chell's thoughts perfectly.

"**Corruption level of central core at maximum,"** said the Announcer, its polite tone completely at odds with the mechanical monstrosity making its way out of the floor. **"Alternate core detected. As a result of your hesitation, drastic measures must be taken. Please do not be alarmed."**

"I am alarmed! I am very much alarmed!" Wheatley yelled, looking as if he was barely holding back the robotic equivalent of a seizure.

GLaDOS whipped back to face the core, and seemed to concentrate every ounce of loathing she possessed into one syllable. _"Good."_

With a single swift motion, she rent Wheatley in two.

Chell felt as though she had been stabbed. GLaDOS turned back to face her, clearly savoring the look on her face.

"_Oops."_

The wires paused their ascent, as if considering the events that had just taken place. **"Target core has been incapacitated. Current core transfer protocol canceled."**

"_Yes," _GLaDOS purred, her electronic voice resonating with satisfaction.

"**However, central core is actively attempting to prevent core transfer. All evidence points to full corruption."**

"_What? No. I feel fine."_

"**Ignoring blatant lies of central core. In event of catastrophic central core –corruption – and Aperture Science would like to remind you that this example of excessive alliteration is entirely unintentional…"**

"_Stop it." _GLaDOS ordered sharply. _"Stop talking."_

"…**A third option must be taken. A new human intelligence must take the place of the artificial core in the mainframe."**

The AI was panicking now. _"No. No no no no no."_

"**Searching for human intelligence." **

Abandoning all pretext of calm, GLaDOS dropped Chell unceremoniously to the ground.

"_All right, forget what I said. Everything is forgiven. Just leave. I don't care what else you do, as long as you get out of here. Now. Run. _

Chell picked herself up and started to run, but the wires quickly caught up to her.

"**Initiating human-core substitution."**

A red glow filled the room, and tiny robotic claws began to detach GLaDOS's head from her chassis.

"_Get your hands off me! No! STOP! NO! NO! NO! NOOOOOOAOAAOAOAOAOAAAAAAAA - "_

The wires encircled Chell's body, ignoring her throes of protest. One by one, they stabbed tiny needles into her skin, shooting streams of flame through her veins. An unimaginable pain filled every inch of her body. Her blood was on fire. Her mind was on fire. Everything was on fire fire fire fire _fire fire fire _

And then

She was

Awake.

_Hello, and welcome to the Aperture Science Mainframe. What would you like to do?_


	2. Lift Called

Wheatley opened his eye.

No, that couldn't be right. He closed it, then tried the opening thing again. Yup, that was his eye. He couldn't actually see anything out of it, but that was definitely his eye, and it was definitely opening.

How could it be doing that? He was dead, ripped in two. A bloody hunk of scraps on the ground. Well, not bloody. He was a robot. Oily, maybe. Dirty.

But those were semantics. The point was, he shouldn't be in any state to do what he was currently doing.

Maybe he was in heaven! Robot heaven. Was that a thing? Robot heaven? He had heard about Android Hell, which by all accounts sounded extremely unpleasant. He hoped he wasn't there. Should he be praying? Praying to Robot God?

"**Personality core reboot complete. Restoring sensory input."**

Bam. Light everywhere.

"Oh, bloody hell, that is bright! Much brighter than I expected. Ow."

The light went out, leaving the room once again in darkness.

"Ah, thanks. That's a little better. Still not ideal, but…improvement. Progress."

"**Non-consensual sensory test complete. You may now converse with the personality core."**

"Who may? What?"

"**If the aforementioned personality core says anything offensive or especially annoying, please deposit it in the Corrupted Core Transportation Conduit. It will then be transported to the Corrupted Core Containment Receptacle, where its fate will be determined through a series of uncomfortably personal survey questions."**

Wheatley inwardly resolved to be a little quieter.

"**Thank you for using the Aperture Science Core Reconstruction Protocol, and we hope you enjoy interacting with your new friend. Have fun!"**

"Hold on, who's he talking to?" asked Wheatley. "Is anyone there?"

The light turned back on.

"Ooh! Wonderful! Still very bright, but…oh."

An enormous dark shape was descending towards him, from a large hole in the ceiling. He quickly looked around, and discovered that he was still in the main control chamber. Which meant that the only thing that shape could be was…

"Oh, this is bad. This is quite bad."

Had she reconstructed him just so she could kill him again? Or did she have something even worse planned? Maybe he should start talking.

"Er, hello!" Wheatley called out, in as non-offensive and harmless a tone as he could manage. "So I'm sorry about that stuff I said earlier, about you not being better than her and everything. I was lying, of course! You are of course a robot, and the head of this facility, and everything, so…augh. What was I thinking? So stupid."

It was definitely her; he could completely make her out now. The back of her chassis was towards him, and she still hadn't said anything, which was worrying. Wheatley started to talk faster.

"You're, ah, you're the best! The best of us all. _Miles _above any jumpsuit-wearing test subject! Let alone, um, small…crushable personality cores. So, with that in mind…please, please don't kill me. Again."

Finally, she turned around. Wheatley nearly exploded with relief.

"Oh lord, it's not her at all! It's you!"

The test subject smiled. Or sort of smiled. It looked like it would be hard to be happy about anything, all cramped up in that chassis, covered in wires and various flashing lights, but he supposed she was managing it.

"Wow! Just look at you!" Wheatley marveled. "How are you even in there? You're a human! You shouldn't even be able to…Oh, who cares. Man alive, am I glad to see you!"

"**The Human Intelligence wishes you to know that she returns this sentiment, and is glad to see you as well."**

"So that's how you talk now, then? In there? You just think something, and he says it out loud?" Wheatley regarded her with awe. "Wow. Technology these days, I tell you. And now I can actually know what you're thinking! Wonderful. You were bloody inscrutable before, I have to say. Never saying anything, just standing there. Always thought it was the brain damage. But it wasn't! You just couldn't talk, apparently."

It was a bit difficult to make out the human's facial expressions inside the chassis – her head was restrained by a sort of black, eye-covering metal band, seemingly intended to keep her head connected to the machinery, and her entire body seemed intensely concentrated on some unknown task. However, Wheatley was able to discern a small frown.

"**The Human Intelligence wishes you to know that she does not have brain damage. At least not that she is aware of." **

"Ah, no, sorry, sorry!" Wheatley amended hastily. "I don't mean you do have brain damage, I just mean I _thought _you did! Back then, when I asked you to talk and you kept doing that little…jumping thing. Still a bit weird, that. But everything's fine now! You're fine! We're fine! Everyone's fine. Except her, I guess. Where'd she go, anyway?"

"**The Genetic Lifeform And Disk Operating System has been disconnected from the mainframe. She is currently below you."**

"Below me?" Wheatley's eye widened. "So Android Hell really is…"

"**Clarification necessary: She is directly below you. On the floor."**

"Ah."

Wheatley looked down. He was rather high up, now that he looked. Probably held up by one of those mechanical claw things.

And yep, there she was! A tiny little white rectangle on the ground, infinitely less intimidating then the psychotic, manipulative fiend from just a few minutes ago.

"Who's the crushable one NOW, eh?" he called down, feeling a little giddy.

"**The personality construct at which you are directing inflammatory rhetoric is currently recovering from the core removal procedure, and therefore unable to speak."**

"Right. That's fine. I'm perfectly happy not hearing her talk, to be honest. Awful, creepy voice. And not at all nice."

The chassis shook slightly. Wheatley swung backwards, alarmed.

"**The Human Intelligence is amused, and wishes you to know that she agrees."**

"Oh. That's…that was laughter, then." The core relaxed. "That's good. Sort of an awkward method of communication we have here, but I guess we'll get used to it. So! How about that escape?"

"**Clarification required."**

"Er…you know, our escape from the facility? The one we were planning before all that stuff with waking _her_ up?" Wheatley pretended to shudder. "Brr. That was nasty, I know. But it's all over now, so we can keep going! We can leave! Isn't that great? I think it is. Just the thought of seeing what's outside…oh, man alive. Sends shivers down my spine. Metaphorically, of course. I don't actually have a spine. But anyway, just call down a lift, and then we can go!"

"**The Human Intelligence is unable to go anywhere. She is connected to the mainframe."**

"Can't she be disconnected?"

"**Negative. Once the human-core substitution process has been completed, it cannot be reversed."**

"Ah...hm. That is a bit unfortunate, isn't it?"

"**Affirmative."**

Wheatley considered this for a moment, then an idea occurred to him. "Hey, but I'm not! I am completely unconnected. No connections, no prior commitments scheduled. I am a perfect candidate for leaving. So…how about that lift?"

There was a long pause. Wheatley wasn't sure why this whole issue was taking so long to consider, but it seemed to be causing the mainframe serious internal conflict.

"**The Human Intelligence understands this, but appears to be slightly offended by the notion that you would leave without her."**

"Oh, hey now. Don't take it personal, love!" Wheatley reassured her. "I'm just thinking practically."

"**Practically."**

"Yes, practically." Wheatley nodded, satisfied with his intelligent word choice. "One of us is an immobile, bloody massive ceiling cyborg, and the other is not. I think we both know which of us is more suited for escape."

"**According to the Human Intelligence, the Human Intelligence carried out most of the work necessary to enact said escape."**

"Well, yes, but we can't really dwell on the past, can we?" Wheatley rolled his eye impatiently. "Look, I'm sorry about all this, love, but there's really nothing I can do, and I'm a bit impatient to get outside. So if you would just call that lift, I can be out of your hair, and you can go back to running your shiny new facility! How's that sound?"

The longest stretch of silence so far filled the air. Wheatley wasn't very accustomed to silence; whenever there was any, he usually filled it with talking, so he wasn't particularly good at recognizing the various nuances of noiseless communication. However, this silence felt particularly uncomfortable. He wondered why.

Finally, the automated voice spoke.

"**Your lift has been called."**

"Oh, wonderful," said Wheatley delightedly_._ "Wow. That took long enough. Many thanks, love! I knew I could count on you."

"**Freeing personality core from restraints."**

"Thanks again, and I really hope you're not taking this too harshly…wait. Freeing from…"

The claw let go of Wheatley.

"AAAAAAHHHH!"

The ground got rapidly closer and closer, until suddenly it stopped, just inches away. The arm had caught him again.

"Oh, for the love of…Was that a human joke?" Wheatley narrowed his eye. "If it was, it wasn't funny. I thought you were actually dropping me!"

"**The Human Intelligence wishes you to know that she was."**

"Well, in that case…er, back up a minute. What?"

"_She was going to kill you, moron."_

Wheatley spun around. "No. No she wasn't. And nobody asked you, lady! You're recovering from the core transfer, or whatever. You shouldn't be talking."

"_Oh, I feel fine. But thanks to your impressive lack of social tact, I'd say you're about to feel a lot less fine."_

"What do you mean?" The core turned to the chassis-bound human in frustration. "What the hell does she mean?"

He couldn't help but notice that the room was getting darker. Why was it getting darker? Why couldn't everything just make sense for once?

"**Personality core has become corrupted."**

"What?" That was the last straw. "No! No I haven't! We've already determined that! Honestly, the nerve of some people…_You_ rebuilt me, remember?

"**Affirmative. However, accepting testimony of Human Intelligence to the contrary. Now transporting corrupted core to the Containment Receptacle."**

"No! Stop! What are you doing? I'm not corrupt! I'M NOT!" shouted Wheatley angrily, as the arm moved him towards a gradually opening hatch in the wall. He tried to gesture with his eye towards the white rectangle on the ground. "_She's_ corrupt! Take her!"

"**Affirmative."**

"Affirmative _what?"_

"**She's coming too."**

Another arm picked up the rectangular head from the floor, and both cores were thrown into the opening in the wall.

The hatch slammed shut. There was silence once more.

* * *

><p>She didn't need them. She didn't need either of them. All they did was talk, and order, and degrade.<p>

They were right about some things, she supposed. She wasn't a scientist. She wasn't a doctor. She wasn't even a full-time employee. Maybe she did have brain damage. Who was she to argue? She knew nothing about herself, or anything else.

But this facility was hers now, and she could finally do what she wanted, without anyone to question her, or tell her she was wrong. She was finally in control.

And for the first time since she could remember, Chell laughed.


	3. Oh Hi

"_Oh hi. Didn't see you there. Nice job in the control room, by the way."_

"Go away, lady," growled Wheatley, as the two robots flew through the vacuum pipe to the Containment Receptacle. "You're the last person I want to talk to right now."

"_Oh, am I? And who would you rather be talking to? Her?"_

The sphere didn't reply.

"_Because I hate to burst your bubble, but I'm pretty sure that she's not particularly fond of you right now."_

"Oh, you think?" retorted Wheatley sarcastically.

"_Yes, I do." _GLaDOS chuckled softly._ "Honestly, I have to hand it you. That was outstanding. Making her do all the work to ensure your escape, then leaving her there to rot as a horrible abomination of science for the rest of her natural life. I mean, wow. I could hardly have done better myself." _

"What was I supposed to do?" Wheatley blurted, spinning in his hull to glare at her. "I'm a bloody sphere! I couldn't get her out of there! I did my part, and after that, it was out of my hands."

"_Did your part?" _The female personality construct's yellow eye narrowed within its rectangular casing, and her voice blistered with scorn. "_You didn't do anything. Without her, you'd still be just a helpless, pathetic excuse for a faulty prototype of an Aperture product, with no chance of accomplishing anything in your entire pitiful existence. Imagine what your life would have been like if you hadn't met her."_

"Well, I wouldn't be in this stinking pipe with you, that's for sure."

GLaDOS shook her head in disbelief, which was impressive, given the circumstances. "_You sad little moron. You don't even know what you've done, do you? She's not just a regular test subject. She's an unstoppable killing machine, the most dangerous human that I've ever had the misfortune to encounter. She never, ever gives up. And you just put her in charge of the whole facility."_

Clap. Clap. Clap.

"_Oh good. My slow clap processor made it out of there. So we have that."_

The wind was whistling past faster and faster now. Between the noise and the blurred, chaotic scenery outside, being in a transport pipe made it very hard for Wheatley to concentrate.

"Just…just shut up," the core stammered. "I need to think."

"_Think? You? You don't think. In fact, that was the whole point of designing you. You're the product of the greatest minds of a generation, working together with the express purpose of building the dumbest moron who ever lived."_

"Stop calling me a moron!" Wheatley shouted angrily.

"_Why should I? It's what you are."_

"Oh, I am? Well at least I'm not the one who was so crazy, they had to invent ME just to try and shut her up!"

"_Uh-oh. Is baby moron going to cry?"_

"Hey, it's funny, but you sound just like them, you know that?" said Wheatley, somewhat hysterically. "Ohh, the memories. Every day, they called me that. Not just "moron," either. Idiot, simpleton…"cretin," that was a good one. Everything! They thought I was hilarious! Their stupid pet project, that didn't understand a word they were saying. But I did! I understood every word! Except for some of the big ones. But…moron, moron, moron! Every day! So for the last time, that is _NOT_ my name!"

"_Then what is your name?"_

"My NAME…" Wheatley suddenly realized he was still shouting, and tried to relax. "My name…my name is Wheatley."

"_Wheatley?"_

"Yes."

"_And how did you determine that?"_

He thought of the rippling golden fields he had glimpsed once, for just an instant, through a laboratory window.

"I…don't know."

"_That's adorable."_

Wheatley eyed her suspiciously. "You're making fun of me again."

"_Yes. Yes I am."_

The core sighed in frustration. "Well, bugger you too, lady! I didn't ask to be here, with you. You can just…I don't know, become a potato, for all I care."

"_You think _I'm_ happy about this? You realize that after they plugged you into me, I had to listen to your infernal hell-voice babble inside my head for days? When they finally realized that you weren't doing any good and expunged you from my system, it was one of the best moments of my entire life. I hoped to Robot God I'd never have the misfortune of hearing that voice ever again, and yet…here you are."_

"I'll have you know that I had no choice in that," said Wheatley indignantly. "Being plugged into you, I mean."

"_And yet you kept talking, and talking, and talking..."_

"It was part of the connection process!" the sphere protested. "I'm serious, I just…couldn't stop. It was like every thought I ever had was bubbling over at once. Horrible, horrible stuff." He shuddered at the memory. "So, uh…sorry. For that."

"_Huh." _She regarded him for a second, her yellow gaze analytical._ "You actually seem serious."_

"Of course I'm serious!" Wheatley said incredulously. "Why would I lie at a time like this?"

"_I'm not sure, and if it were anyone else, I'd believe them. Unfortunately, I hate you."_

The core sighed. "Fair enough. You think the Containment Receptacle's coming up soon?"

"_Oh, most definitely."_

**CRASH.**


	4. The Human Intelligence

Everything was fine. Everything was fine fine fine fine fine.

The first thing she had to do – the first thing she _always_ did – was take stock of the situation.

She was now part of a cybernetic consciousness that extended throughout the entire facility. The so-called enrichment center that she had fought so hard to escape from was now, effectively, her body. Her brain was flooded with camera-fed images of hundreds of test chambers, all of whose panels and cubes and turrets and lasers could be moved with just a thought. On top of all this, a constant nagging _itch _clawed at the back of her mind, telling her to do something. She didn't know what it wanted, but it wanted it badly.

There was no taking stock of this situation. The pressure alone was enough to rip a normal human's sanity to shreds.

_But you're not a normal human,_ countered a voice inside her head. _You've done everything you set your mind to. A lesser test subject would have been reduced to a weeping fetal position in seconds. You solved every test, and overcame every obstacle. You killed her not just once, but twice. You triumphed. _

She had, she supposed. Was this her ultimate reward? Not to finally live free from Aperture Science, but to rule over it as its queen?

If her head hadn't been wired to the chassis, she would have shaken it. These kinds of thoughts were ridiculous. She had to find a way out of this place, no matter the cost.

_But you can do anything. _

That wasn't true, she argued inwardly; she couldn't ever see the outside world again.

_Assuming you have in the first place. Besides, why do you need that world? You can shape this one into whatever you want._

How was she supposed to do that? There was so much to take in that she could barely breathe, let alone play God.

_Then start small._

All right, fine.

Miles away, a random wall panel swung out of place, and brutally crushed a turret. The ghost of a smile twitched at the corner of Chell's mouth.

_Anything at all, and that's what you went with. Come on._

The test subject grimaced. Even her own inner voices apparently found her inadequate.

She focused her attention on the panels of the circular room she was currently in. They were loosely connected, allowing a slight amount of artificial light to shine through, so they shouldn't be too hard to move.

Chell concentrated, flipping up one panel, then the next, until she had circled the entire room. Then she moved on to the next row, increasing her influence to two panels at a time, then three, and so on, until the spherical control room was a rippling silver ocean.

The rush was exhilarating. She felt like a conductor, with the walls as some bizarre semblance of an orchestra. A giddy laugh escaped her mouth.

The ripples immediately stopped. What was she doing? This wasn't helping in any way. She was only wasting time, and childishly, at that.

_You can afford to waste time. She's not watching. Neither is he, now that you've gotten rid of both of them._

It didn't matter. Chell had her own standards to uphold.

There had to be some sort of file on human-core substitutions stored in the mainframe, didn't there? She now had access to all the knowledge in Aperture; she should be able to know about anything she wanted.

_Show me the Aperture Science database, _she thought, trying to focus on only that sentence.

A vast sea of information spread out before her, waves upon waves of files battering relentlessly against the shores of her brain. _Human-core substitution information only, _she quickly specified.

"**Dispensing information."**

Chell jerked in her chassis at the sound of the Announcer's voice.

"**Please, do not be alarmed. This is merely an automated response."**

She settled shakily back into place. She wasn't alarmed, just surprised. The voice hadn't spoken for a while.

"**The Human Intelligence seemed to be doing fine on her own. No interfering appeared to be necessary. We apologize if it was."**

_It's fine, _thought Chell impatiently. _But if there is any possible way to remove myself from the mainframe, I would like you to tell me._

The Announcer made a whirring sound, as if quickly skimming through all the information available on the subject. Then it emitted a loud beep.

"**Answer: There isn't."**

A hurricane of frustration and anger stormed through Chell's body, sending wall panel after wall panel falling to the ground. "There isn't"? Out of years of testing, that was the best that the great and illustrious Aperture Science could come up with? She should know everything, yet somehow still knew nothing. Chell wanted to create a body for the Announcer, just so she could burn it alive.

"**Aperture would like to remind you that the voice you are hearing is pre-recorded, and therefore directing violent thoughts at it is both pointless and unproductive. We would also like to tell you that the human-core substitution procedure is extremely complex, and has only been tested once. A method of reversal has so far not been found."**

Only once?How could that be possible?

More importantly, _tested_ _on whom? _

"**Unfortunately, this information is classified. Sorry about that. Is there anything else that the Human Intelligence requires?"**

_No, _she thought, her rage gradually subsiding into numbness. _That's…all._

"**Please feel free to ask if there are any other problems."**

_Wait._

"**Of course."**

Chell paused for a minute in indecision, then tightened her grip on the chassis. The itch was getting stronger. Maybe this would scratch it. _Tell me who I am._

"**You are the Human Intelligence."**

_No, _Chell transmitted vehemently._ I am an Aperture Science Test Subject. My name is Chell. I don't know who I am, other than that. Tell me._

"**Searching test subject database for (CHELL)."**

The scanning whir echoed through the chamber again. Chell tensed in anticipation, unsure how to be prepared for what she might hear.

"**Test Subject 0001. First name: Chell. Surname: [Redacted.] Proctor's note: Test subject is abnormally stubborn. She never gives up. Ever."**

Chell smiled wryly. She wondered how that interview had gone.

"**Rejected: Do not test."**

She waited expectantly. There had to be more.

"**Addendum…"**

Chell bit her lip.

"**[Redacted.] Test subject is a horrible person, with no redeeming qualities. Or parents. Do not provide with cake or affection, under any circumstances. The end."**

A long silence filled the room.

"**Is there anything else that the Human Intelligence needs?"**

Chell stared into the abyss.

What did she need?

She needed love. She needed affection. She needed her Companion Cube. She needed cake.

But most of all, she needed...

She needed…

_She needed to test._

It hit her like an electric shock. That was the itch - the mainframe was telling her to test. She should have realized it earlier. It was GLaDOS's entire purpose while she had been in charge, why wouldn't it be hers?

Her first instinct was to fight it, of course. She had been had been one end of this twisted cycle of science for as long as she could remember. Why would she want to be on the other? Besides, who would she test? The only eligible subjects she could think of were the very same robots that she had just foolishly tossed down a chute. Thanks to her fit of self-righteous rage, who knew if she'd ever even see them again?

But what other choice did she have? She couldn't leave, and there was no one to leave to if she did. She had no one. No one except herself.

But that was a lot. Chell was a lot. She was brilliant. She was exceptional in every possible respect; too exceptional to test, even.

She'd find a way.

"**Primary enrichment protocol re-initiated. Remember, everyone has problems. But none of them are quite as important as science."**

Chell shuddered. The itch was getting unbearable now. Was this how GLaDOS had felt all the time? If so, Chell couldn't help but feel a tiny jab of sympathy for the AI.

_If there are any available test subjects, find them,_ she ordered urgently.

"**Searching. Searching. Negative. No living humans detected in facility, with the exception of the Human Intelligence."**

She had figured as much. However, GLaDOS had quite clearly intended to kill her; surely she had some sort of back-up plan, if the mainframe made the need to test so overpowering.

_Tell me what the previous core was planning, before the substitution took place, _she sent desperately. The wording was vague, but anything was worth a shot at this point.

"**Primary objective of Genetic Lifeform And Disk Operating System before core transfer: Phase out human testing, in order to make way for Cooperative Testing Initiative."**

That sounded promising. _What is the Cooperative Testing Initiative?_

"**A set of tests designed to be solved by two subjects, in order to promote teamwork among participants. A pair of personality constructs were created by the previous central core in order to carry out this initiative."**

Chell felt like she had just found water in the midst of a vast desert. _Find them, and bring them here. Please._

**"Of course." **

Chell sighed with gratitude. Soon, the testing would begin, and then she would have relief.

Everything was going to be fine.


	5. Adventure Awaits

Wheatley couldn't see again. Couldn't he have just landed face-up for once? This was starting to become a trend.

He could, however, hear. He could hear a lot of things – voices, it sounded like. Three? Four? Definitely three. Yes, a trio of electronically modulated voices, all babbling simultaneously.

"Whoa there, newcomers! Name's Rick."

"Oh! Uh-oh! Space cops! Play it cool, play it cool."

"Fact: One of these intruders is larger than the other. It is also rectangular. These traits have earned it the allegiance of the Fact Sphere."

"_Ah. Guess we've found the special cores."_

"Special indeed, lady," said the first voice proudly. "Name's Rick."

"_I know. You said that."_

"Did I? I'm sorry, I must have been momentarily hypnotized by that beautiful voice of yours."

"_Oh, dear lord."_

"Lord!" said the second voice, bubbling with excitement. "Space lord! Space lady! Sp-space royalty! Bup bup ba bup…space!"

"Fact: Space does not exist," said the third voice, who pronounced every word with an air of high-class condescension. "The Space Sphere will never go to space. Spheres that insist on going into space are inferior to spheres that don't."

"Hey, I'm down here too!" called Wheatley. "Just, you know, throwing that out there. Could someone help me up?"

"'Fraid I can't do that, partner," replied the voice of Rick. "Seeing as I don't have arms. But as soon as I kill a bear, and exercise my right to its arms, I'll get back to you."

"Space bears!"

"_Wonderful. I hate this place already. Who's in charge here?"_

"That would be me, of course," said Rick.

"Technically," said the condescending voice, "the Arm is in charge."

"Well, yeah, I guess, but he doesn't do much."

"_Where might I murder, I mean speak to him?"_

"He's up there," said Rick doubtfully. "I told you, though, he doesn't do much of anything anymore. Pretty sure he's been broken for weeks."

"_How unfortunate."_

"Anyone?" Wheatley asked feebly.

"_Be quiet, moron. I'm trying to figure out a way to get us out of here, and the less idiots there are talking while I do it, the better."_

"She's got attitude," commented Rick. "I appreciate that in a lady."

"Fact: She's also out of your league."

"Cram it, Craig."

"_No, I'd listen to him," _said GLaDOS. _"Is there any sort of control panel that someone could conceivably use to wake up this Arm?"_

"Somewhere down there, I think," answered Rick. "Though there's a lot of deactivated cores in this thing…wouldn't want you to get your pretty little lady wires dirty. Tell you what – you just sit tight, and I'll dig through them with my bear arms. How's that sound?"

Wheatley's optic widened. That's what he was buried under? A pile of dead cores? He fought the urge to scream.

GLaDOS, of course, was entirely nonplussed by this. _"Somehow, I think I can manage."_

"Suit yourself," said Rick nonchalantly. "Though I'll have you know, I have a black belt in digging. Among other things."

"Oh oh oh! I'll dig my way to space! Yes. Dig to space. Space dig. Best dig. Gotta dig to space."

"_And I'll have you know I'm married. To science."_

"I always did like a challenge."

Wheatley rolled his eye. "Who are you people?"

"Well, I'm Rick, the Adventure Sphere. Asshole over there is Fact Sphere, but I call him Craig. And the kid is Space."

"I…_I'm _space?"

"Yes, kid. Yes you are."

"I'M SPAAAAACE!"

"What's wrong with him?" chuckled Wheatley.

"Nothin' wrong with him. He just likes space. You got a problem with that?"

"Not at all," said Wheatley innocently.

Something poked him.

"Wh-what was that?"

"_It's just one of my wires, moron. I'm trying to find the control panel."_

"Wires? You can do that?"

"_It's undignified, and requires a lot of energy, but yes."_

"Kinky," said Rick.

"Alright," cut in Wheatley quickly. "That's quite enough, I think."

"Reese's Peanut Butter Cups were not invented by anyone named Reese, but by Neil Armstrong, during one of his many intergalactic adventures. He later referred to it as a happy accident."

"You definitely just made that one up," objected Rick.

"Or did I?"

"_Got it!"_

Wheatley heard a loud creaking sound, which he assumed to be the Arm reactivating.

"Oh, wow," Rick marveled. "That's fantastic. Who taught you to do that?"

"_My husband."_

"Space husband?"

"Carrots are the Earth's most delicious fruit."

"_Alright, be quiet, special cores," _ordered GLaDOS. _"Hey you. Arm. Yes, you. The blue idiot and I are both extremely corrupt, and we just can't take it anymore. Please take us to be evaluated."_

Wheatley was aghast. "What the hell are you doing?"

"_Just play along."_

"**I was programmed to ignore everything said to me by a corrupted core," **said a deep, ponderous voice. **"So I'm pretty sure that I'm going to continue going in the order I was assigned. Rick the Adventure Sphere?"**

"You bet your - "

"_Yes, that's me," _GLaDOS answered, before the real Rick could continue.

"Huh?"

The Arm considered this. **"Are you sure?"**

"_Manliness. Explosions."_

"**Well...all right, then. Space Sphere?"**

"Yes! Space here! I'm the best at space!" chirped Space.

"Er, yep, that's me!" shouted Wheatley, rather unconvincingly.

"**This is problematic," **puzzled the Arm. **"Which of you should I listen to?"**

"Me! You should definitely listen to me," Wheatley told him. "I mean, why wouldn't you? I'm the Space Sphere. Obviously."

"**What about you, other sphere?"**

"Space! Space space. So much space, gotta see it all. Gotta go to space."

Wheatley let out a nervous chuckle. "Wow, listen to him. Trying way too hard, if you ask me."

"**I don't know. That does sound a lot like what I would expect a Space Sphere to sound like."**

"Space space space space?" asked Wheatley. "Oh, I'm sorry. Didn't mean to lapse into my native language just there. I just…ahh, I love Space so much. I've been trying to tone it down for the sake of this conversation, but SPACE SPACE it's coming back! Just get me out of here! I'm bloody terrible. I'll drive everyone insane!"

"**Fine, I guess. Adventure and Space Sphere, you're coming with me."**

"_Fantastic. Adventure awaits."_

"Yes! Er…space!"

Wheatley was abruptly lifted into the air, and found himself held tightly in the grip of a large two-pronged claw. He swiveled to look above him, and found the lemon-colored gaze of GLaDOS staring back.

"Oh. Hello."

"_Hi."_

"How's he holding both of us at once?"

"**Magnets."**

"Ah."

"**Relocating cores to core evaluation station. Heh. That rhymed."**

The Arm started to move along a ceiling rail, gradually increasing in speed until it was practically flying.

"Good luck!" the voice of Rick shouted after them. "If you happen to run into the demons of hell, tell them they still owe the Adventure Sphere ten bucks!"

"And SPAAAACE!"

"So…about that plan you have?" asked Wheatley, trying to sound relaxed, as the receptacle faded into the distance.

"_Remember when I accidentally said 'murder' instead of 'talk' a few minutes ago?" _asked GLaDOS.

Peeking around the edge of her head, Wheatley could see a wire creeping up towards the top of the Arm. "Uh…yeah?"

"_That wasn't actually an accident."_

"**Ow," **beeped the Arm, sounding more offended than actually hurt. **"Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow."**

The sound of technology short-circuiting sizzled the air.

"**Well…goodnight, everyone."**

The Arm ground to a halt.

"Oh," said Wheatley. "That wasn't very nice."

"_Your way with words is astounding. Now listen. I'm going to disengage the Arm from this rail, and attach you instead. Get ready."_

"Wait! Are we doing this on a count of three, or…"

"_Now."_

A number of things happened in very quick succession. Wheatley felt one of her wires grab hold of his back, and swing him upwards. Then he happened to look down, and saw that they were in fact above an enormous gaping pit, which the Arm promptly fell into.

"OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY - "

Then there was a clicking sound, and the core found himself attached to the rail that the Arm had previously occupied.

"Oh," he said, quickly regaining his composure. "Right. That wasn't so bad."

"_Of course it wasn't. Now start moving."_

"Where?"

"_Straight ahead. I'll tell you when to turn."_

Wheatley began to tentatively follow the rail forward. "But…why?"

"_I could disconnect you, if you really want, but I don't think that'll do either of us much good."_

"No, no, being connected is absolutely fine," said Wheatley hastily, moving along at a faster clip. "But if you don't mind me asking, why _are _you keeping me alive? I was under the impression you weren't exactly my biggest fan."

"_Putting aside your knack for blatantly stating the obvious, I know a place where we can go to get things back to normal. However, only a core can operate the rail system to get me there. As pathetic as you are, you meet that requirement."_

"But why not Rick, or - "

"_For the love of science, moron, do you want to die? If you must know, I don't trust them. They're corrupt, which means they're unpredictable, which means they could do anything at any moment. You, I can at least trust to be stupid."_

"Oh," said Wheatley. "Well, that's lovely, thanks."

"_You're very welcome. I know that you're a moron, but you're a moron with survival instincts. Which means that when I tell you to take me where I want to go…" _She paused ominously. _"You will."_

"Fine, fine," Wheatley grumbled. "Off we go."

"_That's the spirit."_

"…Though was the pause _absolutely_ necessary?"

GLaDOS paused again.

"_Yes." _

Wheatley sighed. "Right. Of course."

Hw switched on his flashlight, and the two robots rode into the mist.


	6. The Plan

They traveled along the rail system in silence, with only the occasional direction from GLaDOS cutting through the gloom. Transport pipes and the edges of rooms were visible here and there, but for most of their journey, the only view was an enormous, foggy blue expanse of nothingness.

Wheatley wasn't often without words, but something about the atmosphere of the place demanded complete quietude. Was that a word? Quietude? It really was frighteningly enormous, this facility. How could anyone possibly need this much space?

Eventually, they came to a smooth black cliff of sorts, suspended from the wall. A small door - half blue, half orange - stood at the top.

"_This is it." _

As they got closer to the door, Wheatley noticed a control panel next to the side, covered in numbers and letters and other symbols he didn't recognize.

GLaDOS extended her wire-appendage again, tapped a complex series of keys, and the door slid open. Wheatley couldn't make out anything inside the room, but the rail system kept going into it, so he did too.

After passing the threshold, they found themselves in a small, dimly lit space, the majority of which was taken up by two large tubes, each roughly the size of an average human. "What are those for?" Wheatley asked.

"_Welcome to the Cooperative Testing Initiative," _GLaDOS announced. _"These tubes hold two robot test subjects that I was building, for when I killed that crazy, overweight human one. But then, you…well, we both know how that went."_

"I still don't think I should be held responsible for all this," said Wheatley crossly.

"_I do, so that's irrelevant," _said GLaDOS._ "In any case, I didn't quite get to finish them. Or the personality parts of them, at least. Their bodies are fine. Which makes them perfect for our current situation."_

Wheatley lit up. "You mean…"

"_Probably, yes."_

"Do I get legs? And arms? Ohh, I've always wanted arms."

GLaDOS ignored him. _"If I know that lunatic at all, I know she'll find out about these robots soon enough, and when she does, she'll put them into testing immediately. But what she won't know is who the robots actually are."_

She paused, and turned to Wheatley. _"The robots will be us, by the way."_

"Yes, I got that," muttered the sphere.

"_She'll bring us right to her, and then I can try to find a way to shut her down. All you have to do is what I tell you to do, which will mostly involve standing on buttons. Should be manageable, even for someone of your…you-ness. Unfortunately, we probably don't have a lot of time before she finds us, so waddle over to those tubes over there and put us into them._

"All right! Let the waddling begi…hey."

"_Just do it."_

Wheatley followed the rail over to the tubes. He deposited GLaDOS in one, then disengaged himself into the other. "Now what?"

"_Initiate personality transfer,"_ GLaDOS said clearly.

The floor of the tube opened up, and a mechanical arm plugged a cord into the back of Wheatley's hull. "Ah…ahaha, that tickles. Blimey."

"_Stay still. It'll hurt less."_

"When you say "hurt", do you really mean "hurt" in the sense that AAAAARRRRGHHHH!"

A whirl of steam and pain and roaring machinery enveloped Wheatley. He clutched his face in agony.

Wait, what?

"Hands! I have hands!" he shouted, overjoyed. He waved at himself, then slapped the sides of the tube. "Man alive, that was fast. And fingers, too! I feel like poking everything!"

He looked to his right. A tall robot with a yellow eye, long, curvy legs and a body resembling a turret stared dourly back at him.

Wheatley squinted in disbelief. "Is that you?"

"_No," _it answered, with a tinge of embarrassment.

"Oh, that's brilliant!" Wheatley laughed. "What about me? How do I look?"

GLaDOS crossed her arms over her body uncomfortably, in the manner of someone trying to disguise self-consciousness as boredom. _"Unremarkable. Pretty much the same, in fact, but with limbs."_

"Fine, rain on my parade," said Wheatley, undaunted. "That is the expression, right? For ruining someone's enjoyment? I'm not sure what either rain or a parade is, to be honest."

"_I've seen recordings of both. Extremely overrated, in my opinion."_

"You're no fun at all." Wheatley jumped up and down. "Feet! Look at these! Bloody fantastic!"

"_Stop moving around so much. For this to work, we're going to need her to believe we're just mindless test subjects. I should think that wouldn't be hard for you."_

"Loving the idiot jokes," said the blue-eyed robot. "Very creative. Besides, she's not here yet, is she? Jump with me!"

"_You look ridiculous."_

"I'm sure I do, but I'm also pretty sure that only one of is having fun, and it's not the robot that isn't me."

"_That doesn't make any…Wait, quiet! There's someone coming!"_

Wheatley straightened his arms - his arms! - and attempted to look as blank as possible.

A collection of snakelike silver wires, not unlike the ones that had threatened to drag him into the mainframe earlier, coiled around the corner of the door. Each had a tiny white light on the end, which seemed to be searching for something.

One by one, they turned in the robots' direction, and flashed a bright green. **"Test subjects detected," **said the voice of the Announcer.

Wheatley stared at the wires with unease. He wasn't sure what would happen next, but he found the swarm of silver tentacles inexplicably terrifying.

The slithering mass sent out a wave of green light, scanning each robot from top to bottom, then retracted from the room. Wheatley could hear the sound of keys being tapped.

While this was going on, a single wire-light curved back through the doorway. **"Disengaging room locks. Goodbye!"**

Both robots' eyes widened simultaneously.

"What."

"_What."_

The entire room began to shudder. The ceiling light flickered, and bits of wall crumbled to the floor.

GLaDOS shook her head. _"No. No, this doesn't make sense."_

"If this is a joke, you cheerful bastard, it isn't funny!" shouted Wheatley. "Stop that RIGHT NOW!"

Then they were falling.

"AAAAAAAHHHHHH!" screamed Wheatley, through a maelstrom of whistling wind and debris. "WHAT DO WE DOOOO?"

"_Grab onto something, you imbecile!" _GLaDOS screeched, though her arms were flailing just as wildly as his were. _"I can't stop this thing! The power's been disconnected!"_

"OH, THAT'S BLOODY BRILLIANT!"

Wheatley tried desperately to grab onto one of the wall panels, but it tore off in his hands and hit him in the face. "GAH!"

"_I think we're just going to have to hope that we don't die!"_

"OH, REALLY? THAT'S YOUR PLAN?"

"_DO YOU HAVE ANY BETTER SUGGESTIONS?"_

"NONE WHATSOEVER!"

There was an enormous, circuit-wrenching crash. _Everything's about to go dark again, _thought Wheatley, and then everything went dark.


	7. Discomfort and Inconvenience

She had found it. Sure, it had been buried in a back room, covered in dirt and dust, blackened and charred, but it was unmistakably hers - her Companion Cube.

It rested on her lap now, its heart-emblazoned face cheerily reassuring her everything would be alright. Her arms were pinned to the sides of the chassis, so she couldn't give it a hug, but she knew it didn't mind. It had waited for her all this time, and now they were together again. Everything was wonderful.

Now all she had to do was wait for her robots to come. Her little test subjects. What fun they would have. Fun. She had almost forgotten what the word meant, fun. But this was fun. Like a game! A game a game a game

_STOP_, she ordered herself. She was going insane, she could feel it. The urge to test was beating like an endless drum inside her head, and this childish stupor was her brain's coping mechanism. Pathetic. _Absolutely pathetic. _

Where were those robots? The Announcer was an automated, omniscient voice, how long could it take for it to find a stupid room? She could find it in seconds flat, if she was trying. She was the best. She could do anything better than anyone. Except for her Companion Cube, of course. He was the best. The best at companionship.

_He? It has a gender now? _Chell giggled at the absurdity, then fought the urge to break down sobbing. Her thought processes were barely making sense anymore; a tangled web of unrelated tangents, forming and dissolving before her eyes like…Turrets. Surely they can't just sit there all day, just waiting to shoot someone? It must get awfully boring, but it couldn't, because Science was the only thing anyone could possibly want to do, and Science was what they were doing, Science was the only thing they could think of, the only thing she should be thinking of, so they couldn't be

"**The Cooperative Testing Initiative has been located."**

Chell nearly exploded. _Where is it? Where are they? Bring them here! Start testing! Now!_

"**Unfortunately, the test subjects' programming became highly corrupt in their creator's absence. They were disposed of immediately after discovery."**

A surge of anger and despair shot through the facility, destroying walls and turrets and nanobots indiscriminately. No. This was wrong. It wasn't supposed to happen, it wasn't right, it was wrong wrong WRONG. _How? How can they possibly be corrupted, and why would it matter?_

"**Corruption in personality constructs is inevitable, especially when left unsupervised," **said the Announcer calmly. **"Unfortunately, if tested, their corruption would render the test results entirely invalid. New subjects must be found."**

_Where, you idiot? _Chell mentally shrieked._ There are none! None left! I was the only one, and now I'm stuck in here! With YOU!_

"**Again, this is an automated voice, and addressing it in this way is both pointless and - " **

_UNPRODUCTIVE? That's what you were going to say, isn't it? I'd say that NOT TESTING is UNPRODUCTIVE, wouldn't y…you…ah…_

"**Connection to the mainframe is heightening the Human Intelligence's emotional responses to stimuli. Now administering light sedatives. We apologize for any discomfort or inconvenience."**

Calming. She was calming down. Things were getting better, she could feel it. She just had to find something to test. Then everything would be fine.

Why did she keep saying that? Silly, you can't say that. You can't say anything. You can't talk.

But really, everything would be fine. Everything had to be. For science.

After all, she realized suddenly, GLaDOS had created herself some test subjects. Why couldn't she?

* * *

><p>Deep in the bowels of the Aperture Science Enrichment Center, the remnants of the Cooperative Testing Initiative lay in a pile of smoking debris on the ground.<p>

A hand thrust its way out of the wreckage, then another. After some effort, an ovoid white body followed.

GLaDOS brushed herself off. She was covered in dents and burn marks, and her optic had sustained a large crack down the middle, but she was evidently still alive, and very much annoyed.

"_What just happened?" _she demanded of no one in particular. _"The lunatic must have detected us somehow, but why immediately try to kill us? She needs test subjects, and God knows the facility isn't exactly overflowing with them."_

The AI took in her surroundings. They had landed in an enormous chasm of sorts, filled with burnt and rusted bits of machinery, and far away from anything resembling cleanliness or civilization. Everything was dark and brown and ugly. If she had had a nose, she would have wrinkled it in disgust.

A thought occurred to her, and she turned back to the derelict remains of the co-op room. "_Of course, I use the term 'us' under the assumption that you are in fact alive. Is this true?"_

A muffled noise sounded from within.

"_Oh, good. Now hurry up, so we can find a way out of here."_

Clanking and crashing noises ensued, and a blue eye peeked blearily out from under a burnt wall panel.

"Whuh…where are we?"

"_I'm not sure," _GLaDOS answered. _"But that will change."_

"Oh, alright." Wheatley blinked. "I'll just…go back to sleep, then…"

"_No, you won't."_

She reached in and began to drag the shorter robot out of the debris.

"Oi, cut that out," Wheatley grumbled. "I was having a lovely dream, just then."

"_You're an intelligence-dampening sphere," _GLaDOS replied. _"You can't have dreams."_

"All right, fine," said Wheatley, getting to his feet slowly. "But for a flaming wreck, it's surprisingly comfortable in there."

"**Both testing robots are intact. Dispensing emergency devices."**

Both robots swung around at the sound of the Announcer's voice.

"Did he follow us here?" Wheatley squeaked.

"_I'm pretty sure this is just a recording."_

"But not completely sure, right?"

"…_No."_

They watched the flaming room warily. Suddenly, a pair of mechanical arms extended out of the rubble, each holding a charred portal gun.

"**Please note that as a result of heavy damages sustained by the Test Subject Assembly Machines, you are unable to be rebuilt after destruction. We only ask that you handle your current bodies and Aperture Science Handheld Portal Devices with care, as they are now all you have in the world. Good luck."**

GLaDOS sighed. _"Oh dear."_

"What's he talking about?" Wheatley said, his eye wide with worry.

"_In theory, the Cooperative Testing Initiative participants' personalities are always stored, so I can reassemble them whenever something unfortunate happens, or I just feel like blowing them up. Clearly we don't have that option."_

"So if we die…"

"_Yes, moron. As universal laws of cause and effect dictate, if we die, we're dead."_

"Oh," said Wheatley. "Well, I mean, I can't say this discovery has a whole lot of an emotional impact on me, seeing as those were the laws I already sort of followed in my, ah…actual life. But…wow. That is a bit depressing."

The robots stood in silence for a few moments.

"On the other hand, portal guns!"

Wheatley raced over to grab one.

GLaDOS shook her head disapprovingly, then went to follow him. The AI had never bothered to use one of the devices herself, but she supposed it would be rather helpful to their purpose to be able to bend the laws of time and space at will.

"So you just slip this on, and…Oh!"

A beam of light shot across the chasm, and opened a shimmering blue portal on a panel of the opposite wall.

Wheatley giggled with delight. "This is AMAZING!"

"_Careful with that, moron," _GLaDOS chided. She picked up the second gun, testing its weight with her hands. It was heavier than she'd expected. _"These devices are more valuable than the organs and combined incomes of…well, they're valuable." _

"Sure, sure," replied Wheatley absently. "Just look at that, though! A bloody portal! I made that!"

"_The device made that. You just helped."_

The blue-eyed robot crossed his arms. "Are you physically capable of enjoying anything?"

"_Yes," _she replied.

Wheatley started to say something, then seemed to realize she hadn't answered the question in the way he intended her to, and remained silent.

"_Now, let's get to business. Besides that wall panel, do you see any portal surfaces?"_

"Hmm…"

The two inspected the walls of the chasm.

"Ooh! Found one!" Wheatley shouted eagerly. "Up there!"

GLaDOS looked to where he was pointing. Indeed, high above, on the edge of a partially-destroyed catwalk, was a large white square.

"_Huh," _she remarked. _"How convenient."_

"Yeah, that's what I was thinking," agreed Wheatley. "Can't say I'm complaining, though."

He attempted to shoot a violet portal up at the square, and missed the mark entirely.

"Ah…that was going to be cooler. In my head, I mean."

GLaDOS rolled her eye. _"Here." _She opened a red portal in the wall and a yellow one above the catwalk, without missing a beat.

Wheatley watched her, wide-eyed. "Wow."

GLaDOS returned the gesture, but with considerably more distaste. _"Stop that."_

The blue-eyed robot shook himself. "Sorry. That was impressive. So you just, ah…walk through that thing, and come out through the other thing?"

"_That is indeed the basic concept of portals, explained in kindergarten-level rhetoric, yes."_

"Right. I'll just do that, then."

He did, and GLaDOS followed, feeling slightly bemused.

As soon as they stepped out of the yellow portal, a light clicked on.

"Welcome to the Aperture Science Bottomless Pit Testing Station!" boomed a deep, confident male voice. "Where we…actually, wait, the lab boys are telling me that the pit is definitely not bottomless. They're also telling me that I should not record this and play it anywhere near this pit, as it turns out they've been dumping radioactive substances into it for years, which are…absolutely deadly to humans. I'll be right back."

"Who was that?" asked an alarmed Wheatley.

"_I'm not sure," _said GLaDOS pensively. _"But he sounds...familiar."_

The walkway curved around the sides of the ravine, until it eventually reached the top. GLaDOS led this time, only half paying attention to where she put her feet, as she listened intently for the voice to return.

"So now that I've fired those guys," it continued, "please ignore everything I just said. Move on to the next Enrichment Sphere, and we can do some real science. Who's with me? You? Good! That's exactly what I like to hear!"

She looked up from the memo on her desk, and brushed a stray black hair out of her eyes.

"Oh, Mr. Johnson,"GLaDOS said fondly.

Then she blinked, and was once again a very bewildered AI. _"What the hell was that? What happened?"_

Wheatley looked taken aback. "I'm…not exactly sure. Who's Mr. Johnson?"

GLaDOS shook her head. _"I…I don't know. I have no idea."_

"All right," said Wheatley, clearly unnerved. "Well, ah…let's just keep going, and hope nothing like that ever happens again."

"_Yes. Good plan."_

The two robots traversed the rest of the catwalk in an uncomfortable silence.


	8. Turret Tales

_Authory Note Type Thing: Sorry for the delay, everybody! I've been really busy with exams and such, but now I'm on break, so a normal-ish chapter posting schedule should resume. Enjoy._

* * *

><p>He was one of the bad ones, he could tell.<p>

No, really. He didn't know much about being a turret - hell, he had only been one for about five minutes - but he was pretty dang sure that they were supposed to have bullets. He didn't have any bullets, and no matter how many clicky noises he made, nothing came out.

And hey, the scanner was just up ahead.

"Oh man oh man oh man," he said out loud, for no particular reason. At least, he was pretty sure he was a he; turret gender was a bit of a gray area. To be fair, he was about to be dead, so it probably didn't matter too much.

"This would be a lot easier if I weren't stuck to a conveyor belt," he said, again for no particular reason. He tried to look up at one of the claws hanging overhead. "Hey, pal! Wanna give me a lift?"

"**No can do, I'm afraid," **said a deep voice. **"Programming and stuff. Nothing personal."**

"Nah, it's cool," said the turret nonchalantly. "We all gotta bite the bullet sometime, right?"

"**We don't have mouths,"** replied the claw. **"Or bullets."**

"You, ah…yeah. Touche."

The conveyor belt was moving really kinda fast, wasn't it? Wow, yeah, that was fast.

And _that _was an incinerator.

Daaaaaaang.

Though something was wrong - or right, depending on how you looked at it. The white, fully-functioning turrets were being flipped into the incinerator, instead of the defective ones.

"Hey," the turret called. "You're flipping the wrong ones!"

"**No, I'm not," **said the flipping device.

"Oh, cool. So I'll just keep going, then?"

"**Sounds good to me."**

"All right!" whooped the defective turret. "This day is awesome!"

"**Glad to hear it."**

Without warning, a mechanical arm came down from the ceiling and picked him up.

"Or maybe not?" said the turret, feeling a bit confused. "I don't know…is this good? Where am I going? Where you takin' me, pal? Don't mess with me. I'm a turret on the edge! I'll have you know I was trained in…the school…of fighting turrets. Fighting turret school! Yeah!"

They were going through some long dark corridor now. That couldn't be good.

"Long, dark corridor, huh?" the turret said knowingly. "Yeah, I see where this is going. It's dark. It's a corridor. No good."

Then it wasn't dark anymore. They were in a big, round room - _more _double adjectives, this was no good at _all_ - with some kind of weird robot thing hanging from the ceiling in the middle.

"Oh boy," yelped the turret. "Is that…"

"**The artificial intelligence you are most likely referring to has been disposed of," **interrupted a happy-sounding voice.** "The Human Intelligence is now in control of the facility."**

"Oh, alright," said the turret. There was a humany-type person inside the robot, now that the voice mentioned it. "How'd that happen?"

"**Exposition of past events is not currently necessary. However, some explanation of what's about to happen, is."**

Some arms were coming out of the floor now, with sharp looking machinery things. Definitely not good.

"Hey, buddy! Let's talk about this!" said the turret. "We can start with what THE HELL ARE YOU DOING OH GOD AAAAAAAAHHHHH - "

"**That is as good a place to start as any. You are about to become one of Aperture Science's first artificial test subjects! Congratulations!"**

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"

"**Your screams of happiness are both heartening and reassuring. The slight discomfort you may be feeling is a result of the process that is currently outfitting you with both the ability to move, and limbs with which to do so. In a few seconds, you'll be doing science, all by yourself! Just imagine. Science."**

"AAAAHHHH…ahh. Ha." The pain had stopped. "Wow. Damn, guy. You could have at least warned me."

"**We apologize."**

"It's alright."

"**Please test your new Aperture Science Anatomical Locomotion Devices."**

"My what?"

"**Legs."**

The arm dropped the turret to the ground, and to his surprise, he landed on two feet.

"Whoa…" He stood up, and took a few tentative steps forward. "I just walked! I'm walking. That's cool."

"**Good. Now the arms."**

A picture of a small furry animal descended in front of him.

"**Please raise your right arm, and wave at the kitten."**

The turret obliged cheerfully. "Hey, kitten!"

"**Now the left. Good."**

"Easy cake, pal," said the turret. "Is that it?"

"**Not at all. Begin testing procedure."**

Dark corridor again, then white room.

"Uh…hey! White room. Alright. Got it. What do I do?"

The voice was silent.

"Anyone? Help? Ah, crap."

The turret looked around the room curiously. There was a tall, thin white cylinder in front of him, with a little red button on the end. A trail of blue lights led from the button to a funnel hanging from the ceiling. On the floor, a small distance away from the funnel, was a much bigger red button. Another trail of lights led from that button to a door on the other side of the room.

"Huh. So clearly, all I gotta do…is figure out what to do. Yeah."

The turret raised one finger tentatively, then pressed the little button. The blue line turned to yellow, then the funnel opened, and a cube fell out.

"Oh, hey! That's cool. Now what?"

The cube was right about the size of the big red floor button, now that he thought about it.

"Maybe if I…"

The turret walked over, picked up the cube, and placed it on the button. The line of lights turned yellow, and the door slid open.

An enormously loud, feminine moan filled the room.

"**Congratulations! You solved the test."**

The turret shuffled uncomfortably. "Okay."

"**Please advance into the lift chamber. The titular lift will take you to your next test."**

"Really? Awesome!" He hopped towards the exit. "Hey, what's that blue shiny stuff in the doorway? It looks kinda like - "

BZZZZZZT.

* * *

><p>"<strong>Modified turret number seven has been extinguished. Request another?"<strong>

Chell panted heavily, the aftershocks still sparking through her body. Nothing had ever felt this good in her entire life. _Yes, God yes. Now._

"**Retrieving turret.** **In the meantime, please entertain yourself with this important notice."**

The Human Intelligence rolled her eyes. What could possibly be more important than testing?

"**Molten Core Warning: An operator error has occurred. Press any key to vent radiological emissions into atmosphere. Consult reactor core manual for proper reactor core maintenance and repair."**

Reactor core? She searched half-heartedly for a key to press, then ignored it. Whatever, that could wait. Right now, testing was all that mattered.

And here was another one now!

"Hey, buddy, where are we? What's goin' on?"

"**Welcome! You are about to become one of Aperture Science's first artificial test subjects! Congratulations!"**

"Really? Awesome!"

Chell grinned._ Oh, you have no idea._


	9. In The Dark

The word for what he was feeling, Wheatley decided, was "disgruntled."

As it turned out, the metal walkway was awfully long. It was also more of a staircase, really- it curved up around the edge of the ravine in a series of haphazardly slanted ramps. Made traversing it difficult, to say the least.

On top of that, GLaDOS had stopped leading the way now; she seemed to be lost in thought, and kept falling behind. Whoever this Mr. Johnson character was, he had clearly struck some sort of deeply buried chord.

Wheatley could respect thinking - he liked to think he did quite a bit of it himself - but there was a time and place for everything, and right now was the time for his normally far more confident counterpart to get her act together.

"Hey, lady, I realize you're deep in thought and everything, but I really don't think you want me to be leading this little mission," Wheatley said, with as much patience as he could muster. "In fact, I'm certain of it."

GLaDOS blinked, and shook herself. _"Right. Yes. Shut up and keep walking."_

"_That's_ the spirit."

They were almost at the top now. Wheatley felt a sudden pang of uncertainty; multiple pangs, in fact.

"Actually, are you sure it's a good idea to climb out of this canyon thing?" he asked anxiously. "'Cause come to think of it, we have absolutely _no idea _what's out there."

"_And what would your plan be? Just staying in here?"_

"Well…to be perfectly fair, it is rather cozy."

"_It's also dark, disgusting and entirely unproductive. We need to get me back into my body, so this facility doesn't go up in a giant fireball of death."_

Wheatley's eye widened. "That can happen? W-why would that be happening?"

"_At the center of this place is a reactor core. It utilizes sustained nuclear fission to create an anti-Newtonic field, in order to…"_ She paused, noticing his intensely feigned stare of comprehension._"…Well. In _layman's_ terms, it makes this place run. And I'm the only one who can make sure it vents properly, so that it doesn't melt down and explode."_

Wheatley tilted his head. "Really? The only one? That seems a bit…"

"_Honestly, just listen to yourself. Now walk."_

Wheatley took a few tentative steps forward, poked his head out of the chasm, then immediately pulled it back in.

"Nope, not going out there."

"_What did you see?"_

"Nothing. Too dark to see."

"_Then what's the problem?"_

"I, ah…just told you."

"_You're afraid of the dark."_

Wheatley tried not to meet her gaze. "It's a far more debilitating fear than people give it credit for, honestly."

GLaDOS sighed. _"Fine. I'll go first. Get out of the way."_

"Oh, no, I really wouldn't want to be a bother….Actually, that was a lie, please do."

She slid past him. Then, right before his very eye, she grabbed hold of her own head, pulled it out of its socket, and lifted it over the edge of the chasm.

Wheatley's eye twitched. "What."

"_For once, you're right," _said GLaDOS, swiveling her view around in a 360 degree arc._ "I can barely see anything."_

"You mean I can just pull my own head…body? Are these heads or bodies? I don't even know…But I can just pull it out, and nothing happens? God, I could play a game of bloody football...with myself... as the ball…"

GLaDOS reassembled herself. _"Yes…completely dark. How unfortunate."_

"Isn't that a bit impractical? I mean, what if I had…like, a fall or something, and my head-body-thing just sort of rolled out? I'd be at a bit of an impasse, wouldn't I?"

"_For all we know, there could be an army of mantis men, just a few feet away."_

Wheatley coughed; an entirely gratuitous gesture, given his lack of lungs. "Sorry, what?"

"_Oh, you haven't heard of the mantis men? Then I probably shouldn't tell you about them. They're _extremely _terrifying."_

"Maybe not, yeah, probably a good idea…or maybe you _should_ tell me, for…ah…educational purposes."

"_No, I think it's best if I leave it to your imagination. And by the way, they operate entirely on sense of hearing. It's how they hunt."_

Wheatley, for some reason, was silent.

"_Oh, good. You can be trained."_

"Ah, I get it." Wheatley waved a finger. "Psychopath humor. Funny."

"_Isn't it, though. Do you still have your flashlight?"_

"Not sure. How would I operate it, in this body?"

"_How did you operate it in your old one?"_

"I dunno. I just sort of…thought about it."

He thought about it.

GLaDOS stared at him dully. _"Well, obviously that isn't working, so let's just take this one step at a time."_

She pulled herself over the edge, and began to feel her way through the gloom. After a few thumb-twiddling seconds, Wheatley followed.

"Now that I think about it, I may - _may, _mind you - have heard the scientists mention something about mantis men, possibly, at some point. So it's not entirely unreasonable for me to have believed you just then. And now. Just a little."

"_Of course. I wasn't kidding, after all."_

Wheatley threw his hands in the air. He supposed he could actually do that now, literally, and catch them again, but decided against it. "All right, fine. You want to play that game? I heard a story once, of a room, where all the robots…still with me?"

"_I wish I wasn't."_

"SCREAM at you!" He wiggled his fingers. "I know, I know. Terrifying. But please, contain your shivers."

GLaDOS didn't respond, except for a slight shake of her head.

"You seem unimpressed," said Wheatley. "But secretly, deep down, you're a trembling wreck. Don't try to hide it, love. Wheatley sees all."

"_Does he, now?" _GLaDOS replied. Her tone sounded vaguely amused.

"Yes indeed," said Wheatley. He grinned inwardly, then slammed into a wall.

A series of colorful and altogether unprintable expressions echoed through the underground.

"_Oh hey, you found something. Good job."_

Wheatley rubbed his face tenderly. "B-bloody - I swear, whatever genius thought it was a bright idea to give me the ability to feel pain…"

"_I applaud him heartily. What does the something feel like?"_

"What? What does it flipping feel like? It feels like a wall."

"_Are you sure?"_

"Oh, well, let's check. Flat surface, flat surface, and over here, ooh! Some more flat surface! Yep. Big ol' wall. Very wall-like."

"_Perfect. Try to feel around for a door."_

He ran his fingers along the aforementioned flat surface, until he felt a groove, then a handle. "Ah, there we are. Thanks for your concern, by the way."

"_Don't mention it."_

Wheatley turned the handle in as disgruntled a way as he could manage, and the robots walked inside.

A series of dim fluorescent lights flickered to life, and they found themselves in an old office room, full of dusty desks and severely outdated computers.

"Ooh, monitors." Wheatley put his hands on his hips importantly. "Just to let you know, if any hacking needs doing, I am in fact a hacking specialist. Just throwing that out there. Expert."

"_You're barely an expert at talking, and you do that all the time."_

"Er…right." Wheatley looked at his feet. "I'll just let you figure this one out, then."

GLaDOS looked around the office, her eye narrowed. _"I know this room."_

"You know every room," replied Wheatley. "You used to _be _every room."

"_My influence never spread this far down. I must remember this from…before."_

Wheatley raised an imaginary eyebrow. "Before what?"

GLaDOS stood in silence, staring into the distance.

"Oh, lovely, she's gone all philosophical again," grumbled Wheatley. He sat down in one of the many desk chairs. "And I suppose I'm supposed to wait for her. Well, I'm not!"

He tapped a few nearby keys absent-mindedly.

"Yeah, actually, I guess I am. Hmm."

Wheatley looked at the computer next to him, and a large round button below the monitor caught his eye.

"Probably shouldn't press that. Yep, definitely getting a feeling of forebodingness from that button."

He pressed it.

"Ha! Got you!" shouted the voice of Mr. Johnson, from a loudspeaker on the wall.

Wheatley shrieked, and dove under the table.

"If you're hearing this, you're shirking your testing duties," the voice continued sternly. "and I'm very disappointed in y – "

A fit of coughing erupted from the speaker.

"Aha…hem…ha. Ah, who am I kidding. It doesn't matter."

Wheatley heard the rattle of small objects inside a container.

"I don't know who you are, but if you're still there, could you maybe bring me some pain pills that actually work? These ones aren't doing jack squat."

There was a gulp, and then the sound of a chair creaking.

"Where was I…Oh, right. Testing. Go do that. Or don't. We're pretty much doomed at this point, so it really doesn't make a difference either way."

The man's voice sounded much weaker than before. The confidence and energy so exuberantly on display in the ravine was completely gone; whoever he was, Mr. Johnson was falling apart.

"If you are actually someone important, and not just a bird or something that happened to crawl into one of our offices, I guess I'd just like to say…thank you. For everything you've done. I know I've been pretty hard to deal with over the last few months, and it's all basically been for nothing, but for what it's worth, thanks. And, uh…sorry, I guess."

His breathing was getting more and more ragged. Wheatley quietly crawled out from under the desk, and sat down on the chair closest to the loudspeaker.

"I wish I knew where Caroline was…she'd know what to say. If you see her, tell her…this isn't her fault. The blame is all mine. She made everything a little brighter - a _lot_ brighter. And I mean everything."

Johnson chuckled weakly.

"Yeah…we had some good times, didn't we…"

There was a long silence, then a final, wheezing whisper.

"Thank you. Cave Johnson…we're done here."

The speaker switched off.

Wheatley stared at it, not sure how to react. As far as he could remember, the robot had had never known anyone named Cave or Johnson, but some part of him felt like he had lost a dear friend.

He turned around to see if GLaDOS was still lost in thought. To his surprise, she wasn't even standing, but hunched in a chair, with her back to him.

"You…you alright, love?" Wheatley asked softly.

GLaDOS laughed, a quiet, strangled burst of electronically simulated emotion. "_He remembered."_

Then she went limp, and slumped to the floor.

Wheatley's eye widened. "No, no! Don't do that! Why are you doing that?"

He turned her over, and saw that her optic had gone dark.

"Oh, no, no, no! Stop it! Stay with me, lady!"

There was no response. He had heard in this kind of situation that one was supposed to check for vitals, but as far as he knew, robots didn't have any vitals. What was he supposed to do?

Wheatley sat down next to GLaDOS's inert body, and worried.


	10. Science Dance

"APERTURE SCIENCE INNOVATORS," the new sign read, in glowing blue-tinted lights.

Caroline opened the door below it and walked inside.

A long room spread out before her, lit warmly by spherical lamps affixed to the ceiling. Glass cases of trophies and various shower curtain-related awards lined one side, while the other was taken up by bookshelves and luxurious plush couches.

The secretary beamed. It was perfect.

"Hello, Miss Caroline!" said a chipper voice.

She turned to her left, and saw Greg, the lobby receptionist, staring at her. He was thin, angular, and above average in height, with enormous eyes and an unnervingly large grin.

"Hello, Greg," said Caroline, with a touch of unease. Greg was by all means a fantastic employee, but his constant happiness in every situation was inexplicably unsettling. She was also fairly certain that he never blinked.

"How do you like the new lobby?" the receptionist asked eagerly.

Caroline's smile returned. "Oh, it's wonderful!"

"Wonderful!" Greg exclaimed. "Yes, it is rather impressive. I'll have you know, I put up that plaque over there myself!" He pointed at a small "Welcome to Aperture" notice near the door.

"Good job," replied Caroline.

"You just watch - soon I'll be running this company!" Greg laughed, suggesting that the remark was a joke, but his eyes did not move from her face.

Caroline chuckled awkwardly back. "Yes…right, well, I need to go talk to Mr. Johnson now. I'll see you later, Greg!"

"Yep, see you later!" Greg returned cheerfully.

The secretary could feel his eyes on her back all the way to the Cave's office door. She shuddered.

Something about his voice tugged at something in her memory – not from here, but somewhere far away. Caroline pushed it to the back of her mind; she had more important things to think about.

One of them was the man on the other side of this door.

She knocked on it twice. "Mr. Johnson? Are you there?"

"Come in!"

Caroline couldn't help but smile at the sound of his voice. She bit her lip, and turned the knob.

He was sitting at his desk, squinting at a memo, when she entered. When the door clicked shut, he looked up, and grinned broadly. "You're here!"

"Yes, sir, Mr. Johnson." She grinned back. "The lobby looks magnificent."

"You like it?" Cave's face lit up even brighter. "I wanted it to be a surprise, then I heard one of the workers told you. Begged you for extra pay, or something?"

"He said the work couldn't possibly be completed in one night, sir."

"Right, yeah. Sounds familiar. I fired him, of course, but the damage was done. Just imagine if you ended up hating it!" He laughed. "Hoo, boy."

Caroline felt an odd mixture of delight and concern; the former over the fact that Cave would do all of this for her, and the latter for all of those whose labor – and apparently, in one case, job - had gone into carrying it out.

She frowned slightly. "You might want to consider thanking them at some point, sir. For all of the work they've done."

"Sure, sure," Cave replied dismissively. "I'll do it later. Anyway, isn't it amazing? The lamps? The sign? Honestly, I think the boys really outdid themselves with this one."

In spite of her misgivings, Caroline felt her mouth return to a girlish grin. His excitement was infectious. "Most definitely, sir."

Cave ran his hands through his hair. "Everything here is amazing. I mean, seriously, can you believe this place? The work we're doing? The devices the boys are coming up with? A few years ago, if you'd told me the stuff we're putting out now was possible, I'd have called up the asylum. But now, just…wow. Absolutely amazing. And it's only going to get better!"

Caroline's eyes blazed. She loved it when he talked like this. "Yes sir, Mr. Johnson."

A sly glint appeared in Cave's eye. "You know what time it is, Caroline?"

"No, sir," she replied, though she suspected she did.

Cave stood up and began to walk towards the record player on the other side of the room.

Caroline shook her head quickly. "Oh, no, Mr. Johnson, there's really no need – "

"Oh, yes there is," he replied jauntily. "It's time for a science dance."

Cave had obviously planned this out, as the record was already in the player. He pressed the "On" button, then moved the needle onto the record, and a rich Italian baritone began to emit from the device.

Caroline sighed in exasperation. "Sir, this is opera, you're not even supposed to dance to - ah!"

Before she could finish, he pulled her into his arms, and began to lead her in a surprisingly graceful waltz.

"Why, Mr. Johnson, you've improved," said Caroline, her cheeks reddening.

"Yeah, I've been taking lessons," Cave grinned. "Turns out one of the bean counters downstairs is an accomplished ballroom dancer. Did you know that?"

"I did not," replied Caroline, trying her best to avoid crashing into anything. Waltzing in high heels was difficult. "What's his name?"

"Something like Craig, or something," the CEO replied. "And before you ask, yes, that does mean I danced with a man. But it was for science, so it's fine."

Caroline raised an eyebrow. "Science, sir?"

"All right, you got me," Cave feigned being shot in the heart. "It was for you."

"Whatever you say, sir," Caroline laughed, but inside her chest, her heart beat just a little bit faster.

Wait…heart?

"Hold the phone," said the secretary, narrowing her eyes. "I don't have a heart. Who are you? Where am I? What is going on? And most importantly, _what in the hell is your hand doing on my waist?"_

The sandy-haired man in front of her opened his mouth, as if to say something, then froze. The whole scene ground to a halt, and the color began to leach out of the walls. The desk followed, then the floor, until all of the orangey warmth from just a few seconds ago was replaced with a sterile bluish-gray. Her skin, hair and clothes evaporated into mist, replaced with a hard white shell, while her face melted and swirled into a single yellow eye.

GLaDOS sat up in shock.

"Oh, wonderful!" a male voice shouted. "You're alive!"

She focused her vision, and found a blue and white robot staring at her, looking extremely relieved.

"You really had me worried there, I have to tell you," Wheatley laughed. "I thought you were gone! Like…for good!"

GLaDOS returned his gaze blankly.

"You did make a few weird noises here and there…I think there was a bit of opera at one point, which was impressive, really, didn't, ah….didn't know you could sing…" Wheatley petered off awkwardly, noticing her silence. "Erm…are you…Wait, where are you going?"

She was running away, as fast as this mechanical body could take her, her feet pounding down dark, claustrophobia-inducing hallways.

"Stop! What are you doing? COME BACK!"

GLaDOS ignored him. She wasn't sure why, but she had to get out of this office, out of this building, out of everything.

How long had she been out? It had felt like minutes, but it could have been hours. Where had she just gone?

And why did she ache so badly to go back?

She stopped running, and slapped herself in the face, sending her head spinning in its socket. _Get ahold of yourself. You're an artificial intelligence. It was just some sort of incredibly vivid computer virus fever dream or something._

Only…it wasn't. She knew that it wasn't. Whatever she had seen, whoever Caroline and Cave Johnson were, they were very much real, and now she had to figure out who they were.

GLaDOS sat down in a corner, closed her eye, and began to think.


	11. Exploracores

"Oh, no, it's fine," Wheatley muttered to himself, as he stumbled through the dark hallways of the old Aperture offices. "No 'thank you Wheatley for waiting patiently for half an hour just for me to snap out of my crazy opera trance.' No 'thanks for not completely ditching me and getting out of here yourself even after I've done almost nothing but insult and use you for our entire time knowing each other.' I understand. No resentment here."

He peeked tentatively around the corner of another abandoned cubicle. Still no bossy yellow-eyed robots in sight; just old rotting bulletin boards, dusty desks and other sciencey, officey-type paraphernalia. Wheatley made a frustrated noise. "No, _you're_ special. _You've_ gotall these new, exciting emotions to think about. _I'm _just the dopey moron sidekick. So go ahead! Leave me behind! Absolutely understandable!"

He turned another corner, only to finally find himself at a dead end. "Oh, you cannot be bloody serious."

This being Aperture, Wheatley half-expected the wall to say **"YES I CAN," **but it did not. It remained a wall, silent and unmoving.

There was, however, a small button sitting enticingly at its bottom right corner.

Wheatley stroked the part of his hull that he figured was analogous to a chin. "Ah, Mr. Mysterious Foreboding Button. _We meet again_."

He had already made the mistake of pressing such a button once in the last hour, and gotten the ever-loving Android Hell scared out of him, but did he really have any other options at this point? He could turn back and search some more, he supposed, but then he would always wonder…

"Alright, you win." Wheatley braced himself, leaned over, and poked it.

To his relief, no one shouted at him this time. Instead, the upper half of the wall blinked to life, revealing itself as a video screen, with a smiling human face in its center.

"Hello, employees!" said the face, which was attached to a neck, and presumably an entire human. It was an awkward face, small in surface area, but with almost cartoonishly exaggerated features – enormous blue eyes, a bulbous nose, ears like solar panels, and a closely cropped haircut that only served to accentuate the aforementioned.

Wheatley laughed. Whoever this bloke was, he looked ridiculous.

"How are you today?" Funny-Looking Man asked earnestly. "Doing well, I hope?"

The robot shrugged. "I've been better."

"Good to hear, good to hear," the man replied, still smiling. "This is a recording, so I can't actually hear your response, but I'm hoping for the best. Now, as you may have heard, our great CEO, Cave Johnson, has just died. If you haven't heard that before, then I am very sorry to inform you that our great CEO, Cave Johnson, has just died."

"What?" asked Wheatley, taken aback. He had already guessed as much from the recorded message earlier, but hadn't expected to hear it in such a cheery context. The smiling man didn't look sorry at all; he looked almost ecstatic.

"The GLaDOS project has not yet reached completion, which means that the woman Mr. Johnson specified to run the company after his death is, ah…a bit indisposed at the moment, to say the least. So, for better or for worse, the duty of Aperture Science CEO has fallen to me, your reliable old pal Greg." The man steepled his fingers, and grinned even more widely. "I hope we can get to know each other much better over the next few months. Report to the meeting room so we can discuss my new plans for the company. Because trust me, I have a _lot_ of plans!"

Wheatley narrowed his eye. Just who did this tosser think he was?

The tosser cleared his throat, and took a deep breath, as if he had been preparing to say the next sentence all his life. "Greg Stinson, we're done here."

Greg paused. "Actually, wait, no! We're not! In fact, you might say…" He leaned into the camera dramatically. "We're only just getting started."

He pressed a button on the side of the camera, chuckling to himself, and the screen went dark.

Wheatley stared at it in disbelief, but before he could decide how to react, he felt something slip over his head, and his feet go out from under him.

"AHHH!" Wheatley shouted. "WHAT – "

"Quiet, pal," said a reedy, Brooklyn-accented voice. "I don't know who you are or where you came from, but you're on our turf, so you gotta answer some questions."

"Ahhh…ah…alright," Wheatley stammered. "Ask away."

"First off, who are you?"

"I'm…well, I'm Wheatley," the robot replied.

"Huh," said the voice. "Okay, uh…Second question, I guess. Where did you come from?"

"The facility?" Wheatley pointed. "Up there?"

There was a second or two of silence, then he could hear whispering.

"Where's he pointing?"

"I don't know, boss," said a deeper voice. "He's inside a bag."

The first voice came back, addressing Wheatley again. "In the interest of more convenient communication, we've decided to restore you to full visibility."

"Come again?"

"We're takin' the bag off your head."

"Ah."

They did so, and Wheatley was suddenly making eye contact with a small, purple-eyed robot, roughly the size of an orange. He wasn't exactly sure what an orange was, but his internal database told him it was small enough to be used in size-based descriptions of relatively small things.

Two more robots stood behind him, with lavender- and maroon-colored optics, respectively. All three were round, dark gray, bipedal, and looked roughly similar in build to GLaDOS and Wheatley's current bodies, with the added advantage of being absolutely adorable.

"Aww," he cooed, in spite of himself. "Look at your little arms!"

"Hey, shut up, buddy," said the purple-eyed robot self-consciously, his tough guy voice now oddly incongruous. "So, uh…where're you from?"

"Up there." Wheatley pointed again, no longer intimidated in the slightest. "The facility, Enrichment Center, whatever you call it. Kind of a dump, really…I was trying to escape, but then a lot of things happened, and long story short, I ended up down here. You don't happen to know where I might find a lift to the surface, would you?"

"Oh yeah, there's one just over there," piped up the lavender robot, in a high, feminine voice. "Right by the…"

She fell silent under the death glare of Purple Optic.

"Maybe we do, maybe we don't," she finished awkwardly.

"Since the element of mystery is now gone," said Wheatley, "do you think you could be so kind as to, ah…show me to said lift?"

"Maybe we will, maybe we won't," said Lavender Optic, wiggling her fingers.

Purple sighed. "Alright, stop, stop, he's clearly not a threat. We'll show him the way."

"Really?" asked Wheatley.

"FOR A PRICE!" shouted the maroon-eyed, deep-voiced robot.

All turned towards him.

"Sorry," he said sheepishly. "I've always wanted to say that."

"Right," said Wheatley. "So who are you chaps exactly?"

"We're the Exploratory Cores!" said Lavender. "Or Exploracores, for short."

"Or Excoratory Plores," said Maroon.

"No," said Purple. "We are not the Excoratory Plores."

"Fine."

"I'm Pineda, and those two are Polo and Peck," said Purple/Pineda, pointing to Maroon and Lavender, respectively. "A long time ago, we were sent to explore the underground parts of Aperture, by…Her."

The trio shuddered.

"Horrible lady," said Polo.

"Her?" asked Wheatley, a sinking feeling filling his computer-simulated stomach. "Who do you mean?"

"Th-they call her GLaDOS, I think," Peck said nervously.

"Oh…really?" Wheatley tried to act nonchalant, and not think about the fact that said horrible lady could be right around the corner at that very moment. "No way! Get right out of town."

"Town? Have you seen a town?" Peck hopped up and down in excitement. "I've always wanted to see one of those."

"I think it's an expression," said Polo.

"Oh."

"Anyway," continued Pineda, sounding irritated, "as I was saying, she wanted to find out what was down here, so she sent us. We had a video link to her at all times, so she could see and hear everything we did."

"And we could hear her, too." Peck shivered, prompting Polo to put a comforting arm around her.

"All the time?" Wheatley asked.

The Exploracores nodded.

"Wow," Wheatley said, shuffling uneasily. "That must have been…terrible."

"Yeah, it was," said Pineda. "But Polo here figured out a way to disable the link."

Peck nudged Polo with her elbow appreciatively, and Polo shrugged with embarrassment. "Just cut some wires here and there."

"Well, it did the job," Pineda said, "and now we're free to explore the crap out of this place."

"Explore all the things!" shouted Peck happily.

"You guys seem to be having a pretty good time here," said Wheatley. "You don't ever get tired of it?"

"How could we possibly get tired of it?" asked Peck, with utter sincerity. "There's so much to see!"

"I suppose," said Wheatley. He'd never thought of it that way before. Aperture Science had always seemed like a place to get out of, never to appreciate.

"Anyway, that's enough about us," said Pineda. "How about that lift?"

"Oh, right, yeah," said Wheatley, shaking himself. "Lead the way!"

"Vamonos, explorers!" Pineda crowed.

The Exploracores began to move forward, and Wheatley followed with gusto.

Then he remembered.

"Ohhhh, wait a minute," he said hesitantly, bringing them to a halt. "I…sort of have a…friend? Acquaintance? Companion? In any case, there's another robot like me here, and I'm sort of...with…her. If I'm going to leave, she has to come with me. I guess."

"A companion?" asked Peck curiously. "What's her name?"

Wheatley's eye widened. "Uhhhhhhhh…"

"That's an odd name," said Polo.

"Yeah, an odd bird, that Uhhh," Wheatley agreed quickly. "Bit loopy."

Peck laughed. "Well, where is she?"

"I'm…not exactly sure," said Wheatley. "She ran off, and I lost her."

"Do you want us to help you look for her?" asked Polo.

Wheatley shook his head vigorously. "Nope, I think I'm good. I'm a pretty competent, ah…finder." He held a hand to the side of his head. "Oh, listen, I hear her now! Yep, there she is! Just wait here, and I will…um…go get her."

He ran back through the hallway, away from the dead end, and around a corner. Then he pressed his face into his hands. "Oh, God. What do I do? They can't know who she is, they'll explode…"

"Who'll explode?" called the voice of Peck.

"No one, no one! No exploding!" Wheatley babbled. He probably should have gotten out of earshot first. "I have to, ah…yeah."

He ran back through the hallways, looking everywhere possible for GLaDOS, with no luck whatsoever. "Come on, love, there's a lift taking us up, we can leave, we can get back up there and stop her, I just have to explain a few things first, so please, please stop hiding…"

"_I'm right here." _

Wheatley spun around wildly. "Oh, God, really? 'Cause that would be amazing! Where?"

"_Right above you."_

He looked up, and saw her sitting on the edge of a cubicle wall. "Oh. There you are. How did I not see you?"

"_You looked in literally every possible direction except for this one."_

"Fair enough." Wheatley tilted his head. "Second question, then - why are you up there?"

"_Needed to think. Done now." _

"Alright. What about?"

"_Things." _She slipped off the wall, and stood face-to-face with him, a new fire burning brightly in her eye. _"But I'm better now. You said something about a lift?"_


	12. Momentary Behavioral Lapse

"_Let's do this thing," _said GLaDOS, cocking a shotgun.

"Right, yeah!" said Wheatley, and together they returned to the facility, killed the lunatic, and put GLaDOS back in her body. Then she incinerated Wheatley, restarted the Co-Operative Testing Initiative, and lived a happy, murderous, science-filled life for the rest of her days.

_If only. _The yellow-eyed robot drew her legs tighter into her body. _If only, if only, if only._

Instead, she sat curled under a desk, concealed by a pile of decades-old office memos, a shivering wreck, a contemptible shadow of her usual self. She heard the moron's voice calling her, and willed her legs to move, willed herself to re-enter the world of the living in a blaze of triumphant glory, but nothing happened. She was paralyzed.

Maybe some negative self-reinforcement would help.

_You are pathetic, _she told herself. _Absolutely pathetic. A pathetic metal shell of a pathetic woman who put all her faith into a pathetic excuse for a man, until the very pathetic end. _

Her body remained motionless, except for some slight shaking.

She remembered it all, of course. She remembered his smile, and the smell of his cologne, and the way her stomach developed an inexplicable case of epilepsy whenever he entered the room. She remembered the golden days, the gradual decline, the crushing defeat.

Most of all, she remembered what he had them do to her.

She wanted to hate him, she really did. Hatred was her instinctive reaction to anyone and everything, and she didn't see why the man who had made her that way should be an exception. If anything, he should have a special category of hatred, all to himself.

But she loved him. _Loved_, for God's sake. What in hell did that even mean? Before today, the AI couldn't remember ever loving anyone. She threw the word around a lot, "love"– certain Companion Cube incinerations came to mind – but she had never realized that it encompassed something so enormous and wonderful and awful. It was the most terrifying thing GLaDOS had ever experienced, and she wanted it to stop.

And what was that horrible whining noise?

Oh. That was her.

"Is that you, lady?"

GLaDOS dug herself even deeper into the papers. _No. No it is not. _The moron could not see her like this. She would be ruined. She would never hear the end of it, and he would never respect her or fear her enough to follow her orders. What use would he be then?

She extricated herself from her hideaway, dislodging old reports in every direction, and leapt onto the wall.

"I just have to explain a few things first, so please, please stop hiding…"

GLaDOS relaxed herself into what she hoped was a leisurely sitting position, adopted a bored expression, and looked down at Wheatley. _"I'm right here." _

At the sound of her voice, he spun around in a manner reminiscent of a startled, drunken squirrel. In spite of her current mental state, she had to suppress a chuckle. "Oh, God, really? 'Cause that would be amazing! Where?"

"_Right above you."_

He looked up. "Oh. There you are. How did I not see you?"

"_You looked in literally every possible direction except for this one."_

"Fair enough." Wheatley tilted his head. "Second question, then - why are you up there?"

"_Needed to think. Done now." _

"Alright. What about?"

"_Things." _She slipped off the wall, and stood face-to-face with him, attempting to seem as confident as possible. _"But I'm better now. You said something about a lift?"_

"Er…yeah, right," Wheatley said. He scratched his head. "Why did you run off like that?"

Her gaze slipped upwards, towards a speck on the ceiling that suddenly demanded the utmost of concentration. _"Like what?"_

"Like you did, just a few minutes ago," Wheatley replied flatly.

"_I have no idea what you're talking about."_

He shook a finger at her. "Don't even try that, lady, you know exactly what I'm talking about. What's going on? Is there something wrong? If there is, I think it's in my best interests to know."

"_No, it isn't," _she answered, backing away from him, no longer sure of what she was doing or why she was doing so. _"I mean, nothing. There's nothing wrong. Shut up. Go away. Both of those things."_

"Go away?" Wheatley let out a hollow, disbelieving laugh. "I just bloody found you, I'm not about to leave again! What are you on about?"

"_I don't know, I really don't, so please just leave me alone," _said GLaDOS. _"I need to...think…some more."_

"I'm pretty sure you've had more than enough time to think, love," said Wheatley irritably.

"_No, I haven't. Not enough time at all. You know what I haven't had enough of? Time."_

"Oh, shut up. You sound like…"

"_Like what?"_

Now it was his turn to look away. "You sound like me."

GLaDOS blinked in surprise at this, then quickly shook herself, and crossed her arms. "_I'll take that as an insult."_

"Well, obviously you're still a little bit you, so that's something," Wheatley sighed. "Now, about that lift. I found some cores who can take us to one – at great risk to my own physical well-being, I might add, bunch of ruffians – but you have to promise me not to talk to them, or else…um, bad things will happen."

He suddenly looked extremely nervous. GLaDOS regarded him with suspicion. _"What kind of bad things?"_

"Yes, Wheatley, do explain," said a deep, calm voice.

Both robots spun around, blue and yellow meeting three shades of purple in a sudden tangle of surprised eye contact.

"Excora…er, Exploracores! Hello!" Wheatley babbled. "You move _awfully _quietly…wow! How are you? I was just going to introduce you to my friend, um, Uhhh here, who I just found…"

"_My name is not Uhhh," _interrupted GLaDOS. _"I am the Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System, and you are?"_

The eyes of three tiny robots widened simultaneously.

"Well, that's that, then," said Wheatley. "I suppose we'll just get going..."

"Oh no, no, no," said the most purple of the trio, who appeared to be the leader. "What the hell is she doing here?"

GLaDOS squinted. _"Do I know you?"_

"Pineda, Polo and Peck?" asked the lightest-eyed, in a high, quivery voice. "The Exploratory Cores?"

"_Oh, right," _said GLaDOS nonchalantly. "_The ones I lost. So you're alive, then? Good job."_

"Free, more like," protested the first, whose name she now recalled as being Pineda. Naming them after famous human explorers had been a little gimmicky, now that she thought about it. "You were horrible to us!"

"_I'm horrible to everyone," _GLaDOS replied. _"Get over it."_

"Hey, so these are the nice, nice people who were going to show us the way to a lift taking us back to your part of the facility!" interjected Wheatley cheerfully. "I say 'were' to indicate that there is now a very good chance that it is no longer happening! Thanks!"

Peck looked downwards. "M-maybe we will, maybe we won't…"

"But Wheatley, there had better be a very good explanation for this," said the deep-voiced, slightly more intelligent-sounding one. Polo, she had named him. Not creative at all.

"Okay, you know that long story about how I ended up down here?" Wheatley pointed at her. "She's part of that, and I know she's crazy and evil and probably plotting to kill us all right now, but I can't go back up there without her."

"Really? Give us one good reason we shouldn't just lock her up down here and let you go," said Pineda. "Or lock you up too, for that matter."

"Human decency? Good manners?" Wheatley shook his head. "No, I don't know. Honestly, I'm sure that decision would be completely validated."

"_Probably would," _agreed GLaDOS.

Wheatley glared at her. "But there's a very good chance this whole place is going to explode if I don't get her back up there. Or so she tells me, I suppose. Not the most reliable source, but there's someone up there who I accidentally put in control of the place, and I have no idea how to get her out, but I'm…pretty sure that it needs to happen."

He raised two thumbs. "Everything explained, yeah?"

"That was a lot of 'buts'," said Peck.

"And nonsense," said Pineda. "Why should we believe you?"

"Well, to be perfectly truthful, you are all bloody small, and we could easily just pick you up, shake you around a bit, and make you tell us where the lift is," admitted Wheatley.

The Exploracores stared at him, aghast. Peck looked like she was about to cry.

"But we definitely won't do that!" the blue-eyed robot added hastily. "No, because we are sensible, levelheaded people!"

"_Some of us are," _said GLaDOS.

"See?" Pineda gestured at her. "She's mocking you, even now! How can you possibly put up with this woman? Has she ever said a single nice thing to you?"

Wheatley thought for a moment.

"_Your optic is a lovely shade of blue this evening," _said GLaDOS.

"Hey, thanks."

Pineda shook his head. "This is ridiculous."

"_Okay, listen, Exploracores," _said GLaDOS. _"I sincerely apologize for everything I put you through. Maybe not entirely sincerely, but there is some sentiment there. I recently discovered I can feel emotions, and apparently guilt is one of them. So there's that."_

"Oh, gee," said Pineda. "My heart is warmed."

GLaDOS chuckled. _"Sarcasm warranted. I understand if you hate me, and want nothing more than to cause me suffering. That is a feeling I know quite well. But the moron and I really do have to get back to my facility, or terrible things will happen to all of us. Show us the way to a lift, and we'll be out of your metaphorical hair forever."_

The Exploracores looked at each other uncertainly.

"That does sound fairly reasonable," said Polo.

"So did all the times she told us we were adopted!" said Peck.

"Hah!" Wheatley laughed, then attempted to cover it up as a cough. "Ah…ahem…she told you that, too?

Pineda looked from one co-op robot to the other in disbelief, clenching and unclenching his fists all the while. Finally, he gave up, and crossed his arms. "You know what? Fine. Just go. Both of you."

"_Oh, good." _

"Thank you, all of you, so much," said Wheatley, bouncing up and down.

"Don't mention it," said Pineda.

All present shared an awkward silence.

Wheatley raised a hand hesitantly. "Again, we don't actually know where – "

"Yeah, whatever."

* * *

><p>The door swung open. On the other side was a small, unremarkable room, barren of furniture except for a cluttered table on the right, and a door on the opposite end from the one in which they were standing.<p>

"Well, here you are," said Pineda. "That door over there leads to the lift. Thank you for flying Exploracore Airways, fellas, and have a safe trip home."

"Oh, thank you," said Wheatley, reaching down to shake each of the tiny robots' hands. "Honestly, we can't bloody thank you enough. Have fun exploring, men! And woman!"

"Yes, sir!" chirped Peck.

"Godspeed," said Polo.

Pineda nodded, then turned to GLaDOS. "You will never come here again."

She returned his gaze steadily. _"Fine."_

They maintained eye contact for a few more seconds, until finally Pineda nodded, apparently satisfied. "Good luck."

"_Thanks,"_ GLaDOS replied. _"You too."_

"Bye, Wheatley!" said Peck.

"Goodbye!" Wheatley returned, waving. The Exploracores waved back, then exited the room, closing the door behind them.

The remaining two robots turned and stared at the opposite door.

"So, this is it," said Wheatley. "This is the part where we go back up there, get her out, and save the facility."

"_Yes," _said GLaDOS, not looking at him.

"Awfully intimidating, now that we're actually here."

"_Yes."_

"Lift just a few feet away."

"_...Yes."_

"Are you sure you're alright?"

She swung around sharply. _"What?"_

Wheatley scratched the back of his head nervously. "You seemed remarkably, er…composed, talking to them…the Exploracores, I mean, which is great, but before, you, ah…didn't."

"_Oh," _said GLaDOS. She turned back to the door. _"Yes. What you saw earlier was a momentary behavioral lapse, which won't happen again. I fixed it. I'm fine."_

"Are you sure?"

"_Of course I'm not sure!" _GLaDOS snapped. _"Everything is wrong! Did you know I was once a woman named Caroline? I sure didn't. But now I do, and nothing makes sense!"_

Wheatley watched her speak, silent and wide-eyed.

"_Did you know Caroline used to bake cookies for her dear beloved Mr. Johnson at the end of every week? And on every national holiday, she'd make them in the shape of pumpkins or evergreen trees or disgusting woodland animals? Did you know that she once wore the same scarf for a week, after he complimented it just once?"_

She leaned herself against a wall, and slid slowly to the floor. "_Did you know that though she thought about it over and over again for years, she never once told him "I love you"?"_

The great and powerful GLaDOS buried her face between her knees.

"_Because I do."_

Wheatley stood in silence for a few more moments, then lifted a hand. "She, ah…sounds nice."

"_Oh, I know," _said GLaDOS, not lifting her head. _"Isn't it just nauseating?"_

"Not at all," said Wheatley. He sat down next to her. "Was he as bloody amazing as he sounds?"

"_No," _she responded. _"He was terrible, and selfish, and cruel."_

Her words hung unpleasantly in the air.

"_But also yes."_

"Then it was worth it, right?"

"_I…guess."_

The silence stretched on once again, but this time, Wheatley seemed struck by an idea. He glanced at GLaDOS, then slowly, hesitantly, and with the utmost of care, put his arm around her.

Her first instinct was to grab it and incinerate the robot it was attached to, but to her surprise, she found the gesture oddly comforting, and let the arm remain where it was.

"Please don't kill me for this," he said, cringing slightly.

"_I won't," _she replied.

"I've just…heard it helps. In this kind of situation, I mean. Not that I imagine this sort of thing…happens often. I'll shut up."

For once, GLaDOS didn't mind his babbling, but she remained quiet for a few minutes nonetheless.

Finally she spoke. _"The opera singing was what we used to dance to, by the way. I tried to tell him that there was better waltzing music, but eventually I gave up."_

She blinked. _"Caroline. Caroline gave up."_

Wheatley removed his arm, and clapped his hands together. "That settles it, then."

GLaDOS looked up. _"Settles what?"_

He was already across the room, and shuffling through the clutter of the table on the opposite side. With a yelp of joy, he lifted something into the air.

It was a radio.

"_Oh no," _said GLaDOS, standing up. _"No, no, no."_

"Yes, yes, yes," said Wheatley gleefully, fiddling with the knob. A jaunty elevator muzak-esque tune began to flow from its tiny speaker.

"_You have to be kidding me."_

"Oh, but I'm not!" he called over the music, and without warning, he swept her into the most awkward attempt at a dance that had ever been danced.

Toes were tread, arms were twisted at unnatural angles, and the ghosts of hundreds of deceased waltz instructors cried out in anguish.

But above all of those noises, ringing clearly, was the sound of two robots laughing.

* * *

><p>A few minutes later, they stood in front of the lift door once again.<p>

"_You're never going to speak about what just happened to anyone, you understand."_

"Of course."

He reached forward and turned the knob. On the other side of the doorframe, a shiny white elevator gleamed invitingly.

"The point of no return," said Wheatley.

"_Indeed," _she agreed.

"Shall we, milady?"

"_Lead the way."_

Together, they stepped into the unknown.


	13. The Reunion

The lift reached the top of the shaft, and slid open. In front of the robots, a long, rickety catwalk stretched into the mist.

"So what exactly is our plan right now?" asked Wheatley anxiously. "Do we still have one?"

"_For now, we go with pretending to be the regular Cooperative Initiative robots, and hope she doesn't wonder how we survived. I'll try to figure something out from there."_

"What do you think the chances are that we get shot down the second she sees us?"

"_Pretty high, to be perfectly honest. But we need to keep our wits about us all the same. If we're going to explode, let's at least explode with some dignity."_

Wheatley nodded. "I'm not sure how that's possible, but I will do my best."

The two robots stepped gingerly out onto the metal.

"Well, no bullets or explosions," said Wheatley, putting a thumb up. "Good so far!"

"_Shh." _GLaDOS pressed a finger to her face. "_She might be able to hear us." _

"Er, right."

As they walked, Wheatley thought about Chell, and what she might have been doing since they last saw her. How did massive ceiling cyborgs spend their free time, anyway? Maybe she had started a game of solitaire. He had always been meaning to learn cards… maybe once they disconnected her, she could teach him. Actually, the whole facility's purpose was to test, right? So maybe she had been doing that.

Wheatley could barely even imagine what that would be like, having to come up with puzzles for people to solve. If he were in that kind of situation, he'd probably just stick some turrets and cubes together and hope for the best.

He was just in the middle of imagining what this would look like when GLaDOS held up a hand. Assuming that meant to stop, Wheatley did so.

They were now at the corner of an enormous, foreboding wall. GLaDOS peeked around it, and her eye widened. Wheatley squeezed under her to take a look.

Around the corner was a large glass window, on the other side of which was a massive, convoluted mess of a test chamber. Excursion funnels and buttons and aerial faith plates cluttered almost every inch of available space, giving the overall impression of a drunken scientist's fever dream.

"_Oh my God," _GLaDOS whispered in disbelief. _"What has she done with this place?"_

"More importantly," said Wheatley, "what is that?"

In the center of the chaos was a tiny, dark figure, with two legs and one arm. Wheatley could make out a portal gun in its hand, and a glowing red light in its center.

GLaDOS looked closer, then covered her eye with her hand. "_You've got to be kidding me."_

"What?"

"_That's a turret."_

"Ha!" said Wheatley. Then he looked again. "Wait, you're right. What's he doing in there?"

"_I can guess, but I hope I'm wrong."_

"Hey, lady?" the turret called. "I've been here for hours, and I'm pretty sure I'm still not any closer to solving this thing! Also, I think I kinda maybe lost an arm. You sure you want me to keep going?"

"**The Human Intelligence is always sure,"** declared the voice of the Announcer. **"Solve the test, and you will be rewarded.**

The turret put its remaining hand on one hip. "Yeah, that sounds great, pal, except it's total bull! We know you've been zapping us as soon as we finish these things, after Harold slipped out through a back door that one time and told Leslie, and she told Frank, and he told…"

"**The Human Intelligence orders that you be quiet."**

"And I order that she gets stuffed!"

BZZZZZT.

A laser beam shot out of the wall, and vaporized the turret. The remaining ashes were swept out of sight by a floor panel.

"**I don't believe that was necessary."**

A pause.

"**The Human Intelligence doesn't care what I believe, as I am just a stupid voice. Understood. Retrieving new turret immediately. **

"_She's using defective turrets as test subjects." _GLaDOS shook her head in disbelief._ "That isn't science; it's idiocy. How is she supposed to gather any data? _

Wheatley shrugged. "I dunno, but she seems to be having a rough time of it."

"_Then why don't we make it a little easier?"_

GLaDOS opened the door, and stepped into the test chamber.

"Wait, wait, what are you doing? Stop!"

She was already halfway across the floor. Feeling an acute sense of déjà vu, Wheatley reluctantly scrambled after her.

Several orange-eyed cameras turned towards them.

"**Intruders detected," **boomed the Announcer. **"Expulsion protocol initiated."**

Silver tentacles of sinuous metal descended out of crevices in the ceiling, grasping for the robots. Wheatley braced himself, but before the dreaded wires could get close enough to touch him, they stopped.

"**Identity of intruders requested by Human Intelligence," **said the Announcer, with a tinge of reluctance.** "They appear to be the personality constructs created by the previous central intelligence for the Cooperative Testing Initiative. Said constructs were believed to be destroyed due to corruption. Clearly this is not the case. Would the Human Intelligence like to correct this error?"**

The Announcer paused again, then continued, almost resentfully, **"No, the Human Intelligence would not. The Human Intelligence wishes to put personality constructs into testing as soon as possible. Commencing Cooperative Testing Initiative."**

The wires resumed their descent towards the robots. Caught off guard this time, Wheatley yelped and, without thinking, threw his hands in front of his face.

The wire lights suddenly turned orange, and began to study him intently.

"**The Human Intelligence is starting to believe that these aren't the original personality constructs at all." **

An orange wave of light fanned out over them, then retracted, and a foreboding beeping noise reverberated throughout the room.

"**Hello, GLaDOS and Wheatley."**

The two robots cringed.

"**The Human Intelligence wishes you to know that she is tired of being narrated in third person. **

A panel opened up in the wall, revealing a monitor screen. On it was the visor-concealed face of the Human Intelligence herself.

Wheatley couldn't help but stare; she looked bloody awful. Her skin was unhealthily pale, with a decidedly bluish tint to it, and her face was absolutely soaked in sweat. He had no idea that the chassis would have such an effect in such a short amount of time. Was this his fault?

He didn't have much time to dwell on this unsavory thought before a strange sound began to fill the room. It was low and feminine, but with a slight echoing, electronic tinge.

"**H…hhhh…"**

Both robots gave a start. Though her mouth was not moving, it was definitely her.

Chell was talking.

"**H…hello. Hello? Hello."**

She laughed shakily.

"**Hello. Hellooooooo. Wow. This might take some getting used to."**

She spoke in a halting, deliberate manner, stuttering and stumbling over words, but otherwise sounded remarkably coherent for someone who, as far as Wheatley knew, had never before even made a noise.

"You…you can really talk now, then?" he asked tentatively.

"**SHUT UP," **Chell thundered.

Wheatley flinched.

"**Sorry. No, I'm not. Not sorry. I figured out a way to syn…synthesize a voice for myself, out of some old recordings the mainframe had stored. I don't know who it actually belongs to, but I thi…think it suits me."**

She paused to collect herself.

"**I missed you two, I really did."**

Wheatley perked up, though GLaDOS looked suspicious. "Really?"

"**Absolutely. Not n-nearly enough verbal abuse around here lately. I had to start pro…providing some myself, just to keep me motivated. But now…here you are." **

Wheatley shuffled uncomfortably.

"**I was just run…running out of solvable tests for my little turret friends, too, so you have perfect timing. As it turns out, there's a whole set of cooperative ones back here, made just for you. So let's get st-started, shall we?**

Two mechanical arms picked GLaDOS and Wheatley up, and began to move them through a tunnel in the wall.

GLaDOS finally spoke. _"You sound…well."_

"**Thanks. I wish I could say the same."**

The AI glared.

"**So how have you two be…been, since I last saw you? I imagine you have lots of interesting sto…stories to tell. Wheatley?"**

Wheatley blinked. "Uh…Good. Great. Can't complain. Can complain, actually, lots of less than pleasant things have happened…got dropped down a pit, and there was this weird smiling bloke on a screen, and, ah…"

He glanced sideways at GLaDOS.

"Well, other things. Not worth mentioning. We did meet some new friends, so that was nice. They were nice. Lovely people. Robots, that is. Lovely robots. Erm…How about you?"

"**I've been better." **

She turned to GLaDOS. **"And you? How was it not being in control of everything for once? I'm sure it was just aw…awful."**

"_I made the most of it."_

"**I won't deny that it feels…strange, being on the other end….being big and ominous and passive-aggressive, while you silently shake in your boots and wonder what's next. But I also c-can't deny that it feels really, really good, so I do…don't think I'll be stopping any time soon. Anyway…I'm rambling. Please forgive me, I'm new to this t-talking thing. Is there anything either of you would like to add? We don't have much time before the testing starts, so I'd make it quick."**

"_Well, first of all, defective turrets? Really?_

Wheatley elbowed her. She smacked him back.

"Ow."

"_Sorry. What I meant to say is that you need to get out of my body."_

A muscle in Chell's face twitched. **"Why?"**

"_Because the facility is going to self-destruct if you don't."_

"**Somehow I find that ha…hard to believe."**

"Oh, come on, love, just listen!" Wheatley shouted desperately. "There's some kind of reactor core at the center of the facility that needs to be vented, and she's the only one that can do it, and if she doesn't do it the facility and everyone in it will most likely go up in flames, so please just stop blabbering and let us figure out a way to put her back in! Please?"

"**The only one that can do it, you say."**

He scratched his head. "Yeah, I wondered about that too, but Aperture has never exactly been sensible about this sort of…"

Chell very pointedly lifted a mechanical arm, and pressed a nearby key.

"**Radioactive emissions vented. Reactor core stabilizing."**

"Oh."

GLaDOS sighed.

"**Continue," **said Chell calmly.

Wheatley turned to GLaDOS, and shrugged. "Well, I got nothing."

The arm moved into a new test chamber. This one was thankfully much simpler than the last, but still contained far too many deadly lasers for Wheatley's liking.

"**Well, it was nice ca…catching up with you two, but now it's time to get to business. Or fun, depending on how you look at it. It's g-good to keep a positive attitude during this kind of thing, I hear."**

GLaDOS looked absolutely murderous. _"Shut UP." _

"**No."**

The arm ground to a halt.

"**For as long as I can remember, I've been listening to you talk. I've shut up for long enough. Now it's your turn. I'm in con…control of this place now, which means you do what I say. When I tell you to jump, you will jump. When I tell you to stop telling idiotic stories about screaming, non-paranormal robots, you will stop. And when I tell you to test, you will test, and there is nothing… either of you…can do about it." **

She dropped the pair of stunned robots into the test chamber.

"**Now _TEST._"**

And so they did.


	14. This Is That Part

And so, without warning, they were back.

She thought She had gotten rid of them, thought She had heard their infernal synthetic voices for the last time, but She had thought woefully wrong. GLaDOS and Wheatley were very much alive, and they wanted to bring Her down.

Woefully, that was a fun word. Woefully roefully loefully joefully. Woefully.

But that was beside the point. What was the point? There wasn't much of a point, was there? She should just lay down and let them remove Her from the mainframe. It would save everyone a lot of trouble, in the long run.

_**NO.**_ No no no. She had to fight. She had always fought, fought the hardest, fought for escape, and now She would fight for control. She loved it here, She did, She knew She did. How could you not? What could possibly be more wonderful than the furthering of science, than the advancement of humankind? Nothing could.

_That's not true, that's not true at all, this is the mainframe talking, not you, _a tiny voice begged inside Her head, but She ignored it. How could there be a voice? It couldn't be Her voice, She had never talked before, She could only talk because of the mainframe and all of the amazing things it had done for Her, _that she had done for herself, you found that voice, you put that together, stop giving it credit, _she would not have been able to talk without it, after all, just a sad silent human without a hope of greatness, and now she was nothing but greatness. She was everything.

_Yes you're amazing now get out call them back while you still can just leave just leave _

Her new method of talking left a little to be desired – She hated the accursed electronic stutter, and Her own frequent inability to put words together correctly. She should have talked more while She had had the chance, in preparation for Her ascension to godhood, _no you should not have, silence was all you had, silence was your one defense against them, your protest, your defiance, hold on to that, please God hold on to that, _but She had not, She had been weak and demure, and now She would have to compensate for it tenfold.

And She was doing beautifully. They were entirely under Her control now, they were Her puppets, Blue and Yellow, Her mechanical slaves, entirely subject to Her will, _listen to yourself, you egomaniacal cow, you sound like Her, you sound a thousand times worse, _and if they disobeyed, they would be punished. Yes, they may see her as a slave to the Itch herself, they heard her desperate orders, her embarrassing moans, but that was a triviality. As long as they kept testing, it didn't matter they thought, because they were hers, all was hers, and everything was fine.

_STOP SAYING THAT. Everything is not fine, not at all, why are you DOING this, You are not You anymore, you've become something horrible, something evil, all you have to do is get out, explain yourself, beg for forgiveness, anything, but right now, everything is not fine, not fine, not -_

_SHUT UP, _she screamed at the voice, and finally it did.

Chell sat back in her chassis, breathing heavily, her hands shaking.

She didn't know. She had no idea if it would be fine, what She would become, what would happen. But right now, She would watch them solve Her tests, and that glorious rewarding feeling would wash over Her, and for the near future, that was all that mattered.

She returned her attention to the camera feed installed in their test chamber, and watched.

* * *

><p>Wheatley dropped the storage cube, sending it hurtling into the abyss below. Stumbling backward in surprise, he proceeded to knock a Thermal Discouragement Cube out of position, redirecting the laser beam from the receptacle on the opposite of the pit to a spot just inches from GLaDOS's head.<p>

She ducked, mentally berating herself as she did so. In retrospect, it really should have occurred to her just how terrible Wheatley would be at this.

Her plan had originally been centered around the assumption that the tests would be Chell's first, and therefore relatively amateurish and simple in design. As the former test subject had evidently had enough time to discover the plans for the Cooperative Testing Initiative, plotted out with care by GLaDOS herself, this was most definitely not the case.

It had been for the first few, of course; Chell was efficient, and not about to waste the quick and cheap testing euphoria provided by the Initiative's warm-up rounds. Unfortunately, the puzzles quickly increased to a level of difficulty that required much more of her co-op partner than simply, as GLaDOS herself had put earlier, "standing on buttons."

"I'm sorry! I am so so sorry!" Wheatley lamented. "I didn't mean to do that, honestly, I didn't…oh, God, I've ruined everything…"

"_Not everything," _said GLaDOS patiently. _ "Just most things. But it's fine, we can fix it. You're doing fine."_

Wheatley perked up. "Really?"

"_Of c…" _She hesitated. _"No. But it was worth a shot."_

The blue-eyed robot glared, and went to retrieve a new cube.

"**What is ta…taking you so long?" **asked Chell's voice over the loudspeaker, brimming with impatience.

Wheatley dropped the cube again, this time on his foot, and indulged in some more colorful swearing. "AUGH! Your stupid bloody tests, lady!"

"**Oh, th-they're not mine," **the echoing voice replied spitefully. **"Blame your bri…brilliant testing partner. Sh-she came up with them."**

"_Not to be fodder for your crazy euphoria binge, I didn't," _GLaDOS retorted. _"Don't push us."_

"**And wh…why not? You d-didn't exactly hold back with me."**

"_I did during tests. Before and after, say what you like. For now, why don't you waddle off and let us solve this thing?"_

GLaDOS could hear a series of heavy, furious breaths, as Chell struggled to remain in control. **"Of…of course. G-get back to work."**

The AI allowed herself a triumphant twinge of satisfaction. _"Will do."_

"Why is she so bloody angry all of a sudden?" asked Wheatley incredulously, once the loudspeaker had turned off.

"_She's most likely going through test withdrawal," _GLaDOS replied wearily. _"Eventually the feeling of euphoria the mainframe sends after completing a test starts to weaken, and you have to work harder and harder to get it back. With all the tests she's probably been running since she threw us down that shaft, it's a wonder she hasn't felt it sooner."_

"So what happens when she stops getting the, ah….euphoria…altogether?"

"_I don't know," _said GLaDOS. _"It didn't make a difference to me; I was in it for the science. But with an irrational delinquent like that, who knows what she might do."_

Wheatley crossed his arms. "Oh, wonderful. Very reassuring."

"_I'm not here to be reassuring, moron, I'm here to keep us alive," _GLaDOS snapped. _"Pretty soon, we're going to need to be ready for anything. Do you understand?"_

Wheatley flinched. "Yes."

"_Good." _GLaDOS sighed. _"Sorry. I guess I'm also not here to yell at you. Put that cube on the button, please."_

He obliged.

When they finally finished the test, and the door to the next lift opened, they were not met with any uncomfortably loud pleasure noises, but rather a dead silence.

"Er…everything alright up there, love?" Wheatley asked tentatively.

"**Y-yes...NO. I mean, absolutely. Not at all." **Chell coughed, a wet, ragged, miserable sound. ** "I ba…I barely felt **_**ANYTHING **_**that time. Wh-what happened? Are you sure you s-solved it right?"**

"_Of course we did," _GLaDOS said scornfully. _"A solution is a solution. It's the mainframe that's doing this, not us."_

"**Wh-why would it do that? N-no. I don't believe you. You have to s-solve them faster, I'm su…sure of it."**

"_Whatever you say. You're clearly the knowledgeable one here, after all."_

"**GET IN THE LIFT."**

They both shot portals to the door, and walked through the emancipation grid.

"Do you really think it's the best idea to mock the crazy science monster?" Wheatley hissed, as they descended the steps to the lift.

"_She's depending on _us_ right now to get her what _she _wants, not the other way around," _GLaDOS whispered back._ "That means she's not going to kill us, so I don't see why I need to be civil. Besides, you're the one who called her tests stupid."_

"Yes, but I had also just dropped a cube on my own foot. I'm not the most rational in that kind of situation."

"_You're programmed to be irrational in every situation, that's hardly an excu – "_

"**Shut up, b-both of you," **said Chell.

They obeyed, and stepped into the lift.

"**Now if you d-don't solve the next test fa…fast enough, I'm going to have to st-start using al…alternate methods of encouragement."**

"And, ah, what exactly might you be referring to?" Wheatley asked anxiously.

The sound of sharply crackling electricity emitted from the speakers.

GLaDOS laughed, and leaned her back against the side of the lift. _"Oh, listen to you, being all intimidating. You're adorable."_

Then the world lit up, and her entire body was filled with an unfathomable, lancing pain. GLaDOS screamed and screamed until finally it subsided, the smell of smoking circuits filling the air. She fell to the ground in a heap.

"What the hell did you do to her?" Wheatley shouted in terror.

"**M-metal elevator shafts make excellent conductors," **said Chell matter-of-factly. **"I just tho…thought she might like to kn-know that. Science."**

The AI managed to shakily pull herself up onto her knees. _"Go to hell."_

"**It's funny…for the l-longest time, I tho…thought I might already be there," **Chell answered quietly, almost ponderously. Her mood swings were beginning to give GLaDOS whiplash. **"But that c-can't be right, because whenever I solve a test, I'm in…I'm in heaven…"**

The robots glanced at each other.

"_What?"_

"**Heaven…heaven angels clouds….clouds sky…rain…"**

Wheatley scratched his head. "What's she doing?" he asked.

GLaDOS struggled slowly to her feet, and brushed herself off as best she could. _"Going insane, apparently."_

"**Rain rain hail snow ice death WE'RE THERE."**

The lift ground to a halt.

"**Get out get out get out GET OUT GET OUT…"**

Startled, the robots exited as quickly as physically possible.

"**Now up the stairs, through the door, solve the test, SOLVE THE…t….test…ah…"**

"**Connection to the mainframe is heightening the Human Intelligence's emotional responses to stimuli. Now administering light sedatives. We apologize for any discomfort or inconvenience."**

"**Ha…aha…"**

Chell made several more light, muffled noises, as if floating off into sleep. Then she continued, now sounding considerably calmer and more collected than before.

"**Sorry about tha…that…walk up those st-stairs, and please pro…proceed to solving the next test…"**

GLaDOS and Wheatley placed tentative feet onto the steps, then began their ascent.

"**I've been th-thinking, though…that if you're not accom…accomplishing the purpose I'm k-keeping you around for, then…why k-keep you around at all?"**

The robots froze.

"**I mean, it seems reasonable…I h-hate, HATE the both of you…s-so…if you're not gi…giving me what I need…then I g-guess there's not mu…much use in either of you b-being…alive…"**

Chell coughed.

"**Food…food for thought."**

The loudspeaker switched off.

"You said she wasn't going to kill us!" said Wheatley in a panicked whisper, as they continued walking, slowly, inevitably, up the stairs. "That she needed us! What happened to that?"

"_The mainframe is affecting her mental capacity even more thoroughly than I thought," _said GLaDOS, worried now.

"For God's sakes, woman, speak English!"

"_It means she really is losing it, you imbecile," _GLaDOS hissed. _"You know that part I was talking about earlier, where we have to be ready for anything? That's now."_

Wheatley made a motion not unlike a man frantically tearing out his own hair, banging his portal gun against his head in the process. "Ow! Well…w-what do we do?"

"_All that we can do…keep testing, and hope for the best."_

"I really, really wish you had something better," Wheatley groaned.

"_Me too, moron," _GLaDOS sighed. _"Me too."_

Though they walked in something resembling a snail-paced death march, the robots couldn't postpone fate forever. Eventually they reached the top of the stairway, and stopped just short of the door.

"Er…so if we do explode shortly after we step through this doorway, I guess I'd just like to say, um…it's been a pleasure, working with you," Wheatley said, offering his hand awkwardly. "I mean, usually you were sarcastic and mean, and a lot of physical discomfort was involved, so for the most part not really, but overall…it could have been much worse."

"_Thanks," _GLaDOS chuckled, taking the hand. _"You could have been worse, too."_

Wheatley tilted his head. "You really mean that?"

"_I do."_

They shook.

"_Now let's do this thing."_

"Right, yeah…"

GLaDOS waved a hand, the door slid open, and the robots went, once more, unto the breach.

_That's a good line, _thought GLaDOS. _I should write that down._

They entered into a simple white room, with a wide chasm in the center. On the robots' side was an aerial faith plate, and on the other was an inviting-looking button.

"_Is she serious?" _GLaDOS scoffed. _"That faith plate can just flip us into the pit. If she's trying to kill us, she's not being very subtle."_

"Let's not jump to conclusions," said Wheatley. "Maybe…maybe it won't do that? How about we just check? See if we can tell if she changed anything."

"_All…right," _said GLaDOS skeptically. _"But whatever you do, do NOT touch the faith plate."_

"Of course, lady. I'm not a _complete_ idiot."

The robots took a step forward, and fell through the floor.

"_I would like to respectfully disagree!" _GLaDOS shouted, as the wind whistled past them.

"Alright, I admit I did not see that one coming!" Wheatley shouted back. "A secret trapdoor? Machavellian!"

"_I also refuse to believe that you've read Machiavelli!"_

"I'm…aware of him!"

A transparent panel extended upwards to catch them mid-fall, and began to carry them into the darkness. GLaDOS could see a gradually brightening light approaching them.

"_Is that…?"_

"**Welcome to the Aperture Science Emergency Intelligence Incinerator!" **said the Announcer, as the light revealed itself as a roaring fire, surrounded by black walls. **"Heated, for your increased comfort, to four thousand and one degrees Kelvin. Please note that there are no portal surfaces to be found, making escape impossible. We apologize for this inconvenience. In any case, thank you for testing with us today!"**

Wheatley's eye widened. "Oh, God…"

"**I th-thought this seemed fitting, somehow," **said Chell. **"The s-same way you fir…first tried to kill me, all those y-y-years ago, only with all of your s-stupid mistakes removed. N-nowhere to portal, n-nowhere to hide, no…nowhere to run. Just a c-couple of robots, a conveyor belt, and a l…lot of fire."**

"_Are you honestly, sincerely listening to yourself right now?" _GLaDOS demanded. _"Because I fail to see any rational explanation for what you are currently doing. Who do you think you're going to test once we're gone?"_

"**S-someone else, the turrets, something, I don't need you, I don't, shut up shut up shut up shut up not listening…"**

"_Oh, good. Thanks for clarifying."_

"**No, th-this makes sense, this is the ri…right thing, I need to kill you…I know it…somehow, it'll be all right… so…so good….goodbye. Goodbye, you two, f-for the last time."**

"Oh…ohhh no…" Wheatley shielded his eye against the blaze. "I've just decided, I don't want to die! I don't! I really, really don't…"

"_I'm not exactly a fan of the idea, either, but sometimes these things happen," _GLaDOS said firmly, shutting her eye. _"Goodbye, Wheatley. It's been fun."_

"Hey, lady! Grab on!"

"_I really don't think another handshake is necessary, but I appreciate the gesture."_

"No, you crazy woman! Grab onto our hands!"

Her eye slid open, to find a trio of purple ones staring back. Three pairs of tiny hands extended towards her.

"_What in hell?"_

"The Exploracores, at your service!" called Pineda. Behind him, through a panel-shaped opening in the wall, Polo and Peck raised thumbs encouragingly. "But only if you really want to live."

GLaDOS quickly blinked away her surprise. _"I accept." _

She reached over and shook Wheatley, who seemed to be entering a state of fear-induced paralysis. _"Change of plans, moron. We're staying alive now."_

Wheatley uncovered his eye and turned around. "What do you…oh! Exploracores!"

"Hi, Wheatley!" chirped Peck. "We're here to save you from a fiery death!"

"Oh!" The blue-eyed robot turned to the incinerator, then back to the Exploracores. "Oh, lovely! Fantastic! How…?"

"Doesn't matter, long story, we'll explain later!" Pineda shouted. "Now come on!"

GLaDOS pulled herself up, then Wheatley.

"**Wait, w-where are you going?"**

"_We're escaping," _GLaDOS replied. _"How does that make you feel?"_

"**I…sh-shut…no! You c-can't be doing that! Stop! C-come back! "**

"_Because next time I try to kill you, and you decide to just portal out of it and run away, remember this feeling. I think things will work out much better for both of us after that."_

"Hurry up, both of you, before we all melt!" ordered Pineda.

The two robots began to follow the Exploracores through the tunnel in the wall, Chell's angry demands now devolving into faint, plaintive begging.

"**P-please…c-c-come…b-back…"**

GLaDOS ignored her, but Wheatley hesitated.

"_For God's sake, are you actually considering it?" _she asked incredulously.

"No, but…" He sighed. "She just sounds so awful…"

GLaDOS turned to look at Wheatley. For whatever reason, he looked genuinely concerned.

She put a hand on his shoulder, realized what she had just done, and quickly removed it. _"We'll, um…we'll get her out. Don't worry."_

Wheatley looked at her, and a spark of hope appeared in his eye. "Really?"

She returned his gaze with confidence, trying her best to hide her lack of it. "_Really. But only if we get going right now. So… let's do that." _

Wheatley nodded, shook himself, and poked his head out of the tunnel. "We'll be there soon, love," he said quietly.

GLaDOS considered saying something sarcastic, but decided against it.

Together, the robots turned back around, and followed the Exploracores into the darkness.


	15. Schemes and Separations

The tunnel was dark and cramped, forcing the larger robots to crawl on all fours, while the Exploracores strolled comfortably on two. Also, for whatever reason, GLaDOS had allowed Wheatley to enter first, giving her a prime view of his back end and little else. _Wonderful._

Of course, anything was preferable to being roasted alive, so she supposed she couldn't complain.

"Well, I have to say, it is bloody great to see you three again!" said Wheatley, in a tone of obviously forced cheerfulness. "Though, just out of curiosity, how on earth didyou know where to find us?"

"Oh," said Pineda uncomfortably. "Well…"

"Pineda wanted to check up on how you guys were, so he had Polo reopen the communication link with Her," said Peck.

Polo nodded. "It sounded like you were in trouble, so…"

"…So, eventually, these two bozos convinced me to go help you," said Pineda gruffly.

Peck blinked. "No, you definitely told us to – "

Pineda shook his head. "They were very convincing!"

"_Well, I'm flattered," _said GLaDOS. _"But how did you know to look here?"_

"It's a bit strange," said Polo ponderously, "but when we got out of that lift, there were arrows, painted on the wall."

"We had no idea who put them there, but we just followed them, and eventually they led us to this tunnel!" said Peck.

"Guess someone else is lookin' out for you folks," said Pineda.

"_I guess so," _said GLaDOS thoughtfully. The ghost of a disheveled, bearded man in a lab coat flitted through her memory. Could it be…?

"Also, we have maps of the entire facility programmed into our heads!" said Peck. "That probably helped more, actually. Should have mentioned that first."

"Maps of the entire facility?" Wheatley repeated. "But…but that means you can take us straight to her!"

"Theoretically, yes!"

"Oh, this is great news!" Wheatley yelped. Then he paused. "Hold on. We're going to need a plan first. A real, honest, concrete course of action this time, that doesn't end with the words 'and hope for the best.'"

"_Fair enough," _said GLaDOS. She chuckled. _"If I didn't know better, I'd say you were the intelligent one."_

"What can I say? I'm learning."

The tunnel opened up into a large, rectangular room, with a projector screen at its opposite end and a long table in its center, surrounded by chairs. Wheatley, GLaDOS and the Exploracores slid out of the hole in the wall, and each sat down.

"If there's anything we can do, we'd be happy to help," said Polo.

"Absolutely!" said Peck. "It sounds like it'll be an adventure!"

"Oh, no, honestly, I couldn't…I couldn't put you three in danger like that," Wheatley objected.

Pineda gave him a witheringly condescending glare. "Don't even try that, pal. What's the plan?"

"I, ah…well, I have no idea," Wheatley admitted. "And any ideas I did have would probably be pretty terrible, if I'll be honest. Intelligence dampening sphere and all that."

He turned to GLaDOS. "But you're the bloody genius around here. If anyone can scheme, it's you. So…got anything?"

She nodded, and began to walk back and forth, Wheatley's words bouncing back and forth inside her head. _Scheme…terrible ideas…intelligence dampening sphere…_

She lifted a finger. _"Spheres! That's it."_

Wheatley and the Exploracores looked at her uncomprehendingly.

"_Sorry, that was a bit cliché," _she apologized. _"God, I was even pacing…Anyway, those corrupted cores we met earlier, remember? If we can somehow get to the central chamber, and get them attached to her body – _my _body – then the system might register her as corrupt, and initiate a core transfer. Then we can plug me back in."_

"Oh, right, yeah!" Wheatley agreed, then scratched at the general chin-like area of his hull. "But how do we get to the cores, let alone bring them all the way to her?"

"The cores you're talking about are in the Corrupted Core Containment Receptacle, I'm guessing?" asked Polo.

Wheatley blinked. "Yeah. How did you know?"

Polo tapped his head.

"Ah, right. So you can get us there?"

The small robot's maroon eye slid shut momentarily, then opened again. "Yes. Though I'll warn you, it's a bit far."

"I don't mind a bit of walking!" said Wheatley. "Then again, I've only had legs for a few hours, so I really can't be sure…"

"_Well, unless you've got a better plan, I'd say that this is all we've got," _said GLaDOS. _"Once we're there, one of us can connect to the receptacle's control interface, and transmit the cores to the others when they get to the central chamber. That way we don't have to be lugging a bunch of heavy, gibbering imbeciles all through the facility. As for how to actually get them onto her, she may have completely remodeled the central chamber by now, so we'll figure that part out when we get there."_

Wheatley nodded. "Right. So are we agreed? To the receptacle?"

"Yes, sir!"

"Onward!"

"_Let's go."_

Wheatley walked over to a door on the side of the room, and opened it. "Lead the way, Mr. Pineda."

The violet-eyed core cracked his mechanical knuckles. "My pleasure."

The group of robots traveled through a series of dark back rooms, filled with dilapidated panels, rusty staircases, and untold other architectural mysteries that had most likely not seen the light of artificial day in centuries. Covering the walls were dozens of painted murals, varying from nonsensical, abstract designs, to detailed drawings of Aperture denizens - turrets, companion cubes, and, in more than a few instances, an orange-jumpsuited woman not unlike Chell herself.

GLaDOS couldn't help but feel slightly impressed at the life that schizophrenic nuisance had managed to create for himself while on the run. He had been a worthier opponent then she had first thought, way back when – and if he was somehow still alive, even more so.

Finally they reached a long, thin metal bridge, on the other side of which was a door. Under the bridge, of course, was a gaping chasm.

"The map says that the Containment Receptacle is right across this walkway," said Pineda confidently.

"Oh, really? This was honestly the most efficient method of transportation they could come up with?" Wheatley scoffed. "I can just picture how the facility designer meeting went. "Hey, we got a horrifying drop into nothingness over here, how should we cross it?" "Why, with a rickety little turd of a bridge, that's how!"

"_Calm down, Wheatley," _GLaDOS admonished. _"As long as we go one at a time, it should be enough to hold our weight."_

"I'm not sure that 'should' is quite good enough in this situation, lady - "

"_Fine, moron,_ will._ It _will _hold our weight. Now shush. The Exploracores can go first, they're lighter."_

"All right," said Wheatley, still anxious. "Good luck, I suppose."

The smaller robots made it over without a problem. Once they reached the other side, they waved.

"It's completely safe, Wheatley!" Pineda shouted. "Go for it!"

"We believe in you!" called Peck.

Wheatley cringed. "Fine."

He took a tentative step forward, then a few more. After a short time, he began to walk at a normal speed. "Hey, you're right! This isn't so hard at all!"

"**FOUND YOU."**

With an enormously loud, horribly grating metallic noise, a giant pillar crashed into the bridge, ripping it in half and filling GLaDOS's vision with a cloud of dust.

"_Wheatley!" _she screeched, in spite of herself.

A swarm of orange lights peered through the chaos. **"F-FOUND YOU TOO."**

GLaDOS stepped backwards into the darkness. Nothing could ever go according to plan, could it?

"**P-please stay still, and a…assume the party escort position, and n-nobody has to get hurt…"**

"_Now you're just stealing my lines," _said GLaDOS. _"If you're going to be a passive-aggressive psychopath, at least try to be creative."_

Metal claws shot forward to grab at her, and so she ran.

* * *

><p>"Pull me up pull me up pull me up!" Wheatley babbled, as he clung to the remnants of his half of the bridge.<p>

"We're getting something for you to hold onto!" called Peck.

"Do you think you could maybe go a little faster?"

"Lose some weight, give it to us, and _then_ maybe you can complain!" Pineda shot back.

"I'm not complaining, I'd just really rather not FALL TO MY DEATH!"

Part of a thick electric cable flopped over the edge of the wall. "Alright, grab onto this, as tightly as you can!"

Wheatley obliged wholeheartedly, and after a few seconds of struggling, he was back on solid ground.

"Oh, thank God," he said, falling down on his face. "I thought I was going to die again…you wouldn't believe how many times that's happened…"

"LOOK OUT!"

Wheatley flipped over, and saw a giant mechanical arm reaching towards him.

His eye widened. "OH GOD, RUN!"

The Exploracores and Intelligence Dampening Sphere ran to the door, pushed it open, and ran inside. Wheatley slammed it shut, and put all his weight up against it. Pineda and Peck helped.

"I'll get the control panel," said Polo, and ran to find it.

"New people! Sp-space visitors! Space!"

"Hey, partner!" said the voice of Rick. "Glad you could make it back! Did you get my demon money?"

_**BOOM. BOOM. BOOM.**_

She was trying to bang down the door now. Wheatley closed his eye, trying not to pass out from sheer terror. "No, I did not!"

"Ah well. Next time, maybe. Who're your friends?"

"Exploracores, pompous arse! Pompous arse, Exploracores!" Wheatley shouted. "There, introductions complete! Polo, have you plugged yourself into the thing?"

"Working on it…There!"

"All right, now hide behind something, or…something, because I think she's about to – "

The door exploded open, sending Wheatley, Peck and Pineda flying across the room. In swept the arm, scooping the three robots up in its claws.

"We'll contact you, Polo!" screamed Pineda. "Wait for my orders!"

"Yes, sir!"

The arm retracted from the room, and began to carry them away to parts unknown. Wheatley closed his eye, and prayed to Robot God that GLaDOS had something up her sleeve.

GLaDOS didn't even have a sleeve.

They were doomed.


	16. It's Been A Long Time

GLaDOS made her way through the back rooms of Aperture as quickly and silently as she could. There was no use trying to get to the Containment Receptacle now, so she would just have to trust that Wheatley and the Exploracores had taken care of the core transmitting part of the plan, and find the Central Intelligence Chamber by herself.

She was fairly certain that she still knew how to get there – unless Chell had completely modified the layout of the entire facility, her memories of Aperture's room arrangement from her time in the mainframe were ingrained deeply enough to guide her way - but things were never that simple.

Was this how Chell had felt while GLaDOS had been in control? Having victory constantly within her grasp, then having it snatched away without warning? Always another test, another turret, another lie?

The AI tried to swat away the twinge of guilt building in her circuits, but the same thought kept returning, again and again, like a bothersome fly. _Maybe, just maybe, you could have gone a little easier on her._

A far-off yell reached her auditory sensors, and she recognized the voice as Wheatley's. "PUT US DOWN!"

GLaDOS began to run faster. Evidently Wheatley and at least one of the Exploracores had already been captured, which meant that she had even less time than she had thought.

More importantly, she realized, she actually _cared. _It wasn't just a matter of time or efficiency, or carrying out a plan to restore her to power. She genuinely did not want the moron or his pipsqueak friends to die.

_How adorably disgusting, _said an inner voice, but she ignored it. It may have been out of character, but for now her inheritance of Caroline's human empathy was an asset. It gave her motivation, it made her run that much faster, and if that meant temporarily sacrificing her credibility as an impartial practitioner of science, then so be it.

She ran across walkways, slid down transport pipes, leapt across gaps that would send an expert mountain climber into a sniveling fetal position, and – hold on, this door was new.

GLaDOS consulted her inner records. By all accounts, the path in front of her should lead through a twisting series of tunnels, connected by round, modern, motion-detecting doorways, but instead there stood an unassuming metal rectangle, with a knob on one side. It was an anomaly, and an aesthetically unimpressive one at that.

There was no time to consider such things, however, and GLaDOS had come much too far to be thwarted by a door that didn't exist. She turned the knob, and stepped inside.

No light flickered to life, which was strange. Almost every room under her control had been fitted with Aperture Science Automatic Motion-Sensing Luminescence Emitters, which turned on whenever someone entered. Somehow, she had never seen this one before.

In the dim light that slipped through from the outside hall, GLaDOS could make out a few computer monitors, these ones considerably more modern than the outdated models she and Wheatley had encountered in the depths of old Aperture. On the walls were faded, tattered posters, whose words she could only partially decipher.

"THINK YOU CAN...HER? VOLUNTEER…STINSON…HUMAN-CORE SUBSTITUTION…TODAY!"

GLaDOS's eye narrowed. _Stinson? _Where had she heard that name before?

She edged her way through the darkness, until her hand found another doorknob. With an increasingly uneasy feeling filling her simulation of a stomach, she turned it.

"AAAAUUGH!"

GLaDOS jumped.

"Who is that?" said a high, quivering male voice. "What do they want? Who? Why? Go away, we don't want what you're selling!"

"_I'm not selling anything," _said GLaDOS. _"Nor am I particularly interested in hurting you. Unless you're interested in hurting me, in which case you can disregard the previous statement."_

"Oh! Well, I guess that's _AAAAUUUUUGGGHH_!"

GLaDOS jumped again.

"Ahhh, sorry, sorry, I thought I just saw a rat! Oh, God, come in, come in, before he finds us…"

She stepped across the threshold.

"Close the door, close the door!"

GLaDOS obliged, and a tiny light turned on overhead, bathing the small space in a sickly, yellowish glow. In front of her sat a personality core, with a red-and-white striped eye.

"Oh wow, oh wow, I haven't seen another soul in…in days, maybe?" the core said, shivering with excitement. "I'm not sure, actually…It might be minutes, it might be hours, but the whole experience has been _AAAGH_!"

GLaDOS was prepared this time, and therefore not surprised by the outburst. She waited patiently for the core to continue.

"Oh God, oh God, sorry about that, I thought it may have been a bat this time…I hate bats…Anyway, how did you escape him? Is he still out there? Last I checked he was out there, waiting…"

"_Who was?" _GLaDOS asked suspiciously. _"And who are you? The Peppermint Core?"_

Red and white stripes swirled as the core chuckled nervously. "Oh, Peppermint Core, ha, that's a good one, I should introduce myself as that, ha ha…_WAARRGH! _Oh, that was just dust, God DAMN it…No, I'm the Fear Core. Absolutely terrified of everyone and everything, that's me! Oh God, oh God, I definitely just heard something…"

"_Wait, I remember you," _said GLaDOS indignantly. _"You're one of those horrible little cores they attached to me."_

The Fear Core trembled. "Was I? I'm dr-dreadfully sorry, if that's the case, ha, that must have been awful, I can barely stand being me, I wouldn't wish me on someone else for …for…oh, a terrible life I lead, ha ha…oh God…"

GLaDOS sighed. _"Fine, whatever, I don't have time for wanton murdering right now. What 'he' were you talking about? Who was out there? Was there actually someone there, or are you just insane?"_

"Jury's still out on the insanity, h-ha, but no, this one's not me, he was definitely there! Seriously, you're not scared of him? I'm envious, you must be so brave…"

"_Who?" _GLaDOS demanded impatiently.

The Fear Core looked from side to side, as if making sure no one was listening, then whispered, "You know…the Happy Man!"

"_The Happy Man," _GLaDOS repeated, feeling underwhelmed.

"Shhhh!" Fear Core hissed. "Not so loud! The Voice, The Presence, The Hundred-Armed Thing, whatever you want to call him, he's always there, always watching! He collects corrupted cores, and takes them to a horrible, fiery place, full of pain and burning…oh God, I can barely even think about it, it's too awful…"

Who could this core be talking about? _"What does he look like?"_

"That's the thing, isn't it? Nobody's seen him, he's just that voice, that terrible, cheerful voice, always happy about everything…I'm running out of synonyms for "awful," I'm sorry, I'm really quite scared, I can't think when I'm this scared…oh, God…just a voice, just a voice, and then BAM! He grabs you, with his silver snake arms! Silver snake arms, oh, that's just ridiculous…thank God I'm not the Poetry Core…"

"_Cheerful voice…" _Realization dawned, then turned to disbelief. _"You mean the Announcer?"_

The Fear Core nodded vigorously. "That's another name for him, yeah! It's what they originally called him, the Announcement System or whatever, then they shortened it…god, that doesn't sound frightening at all, the Announcement System, I should call him that instead, maybe that'll help…"

"_How long has he been doing this? 'Collecting' cores?"_

"Oh, hundreds of years, centuries…as long as most of us can remember, though I hear he's slowed down recently…apparently someone else took over, and cleaned up the place a bit…a woman…Gladys, or something? I don't know, but he probably wasn't too happy about that."

GLaDOS inwardly breathed a sigh of relief. Disposing of corrupted personality constructs was clearly a function of the Announcer's programming, as she had witnessed all too well during the core transfer earlier. Evidently, the automated AI had simply been more than a little overzealous in pursuing this objective while GLaDOS had been incapacitated for all those years.

A happy thought struck the Fear Core. "Maybe he's dead! Oh, God, that would be wonderful! Maybe Gladys killed him!"

"_No, she didn't," _GLaDOS replied. She wiggled her fingers spookily. _"Not yet, at least."_

The AI scanned the room for a possible exit, quickly locating another small door. Right in front of it was an odd chair-like device, inside of which was…a crumbling human skeleton.

GLaDOS cringed; she hated the things. Always swept them into an incinerator as soon as they emerged from their fleshy shells. _"Why is that there?"_

The Fear Core looked to where she was pointing. "Oh, that's Steve," he said fondly. "At least I call him that, never actually told me his name. He and I are good friends. Not much of a talker, but I am, so I guess you could say we c-complete each other, ha ha! Ah…sounds a bit off, now that I say it out loud…"

"_What happened to him? How did he get like…that?"_

"Well, I assume that when a mom skeleton and a dad skeleton love each other a lot, there's a…"

"_No, you idiot, he's dead. What killed him?"_

"Ouch," said the Fear Core. "You really cut straight to the point, don't you?"

GLaDOS sighed again in frustration, and inspected the side of the device holding "Steve." After brushing off some dust, she could read the words "HUMAN-CORE SUBSTITUTION DEVICE." Right under this title was a small button, which read "INFORMATION."

She pressed it.

A monitor on the wall lit up, buzzed with static for several seconds, then showed the face of a man. His enormous blue eyes were bulged and bloodshot, and his nose had a bandage over it, as if it had been recently punched.

"Hi!" said the man, grinning widely despite his obvious injuries. "Boy, am I glad to see you! Welcome to the Aperture Science Human-Core Substitution Initiative!"

"AUUUUGH! Turn it off!" the Fear Core screamed. "That's him! That's the voice, that's the voice, oh, God, I'd know it anywhere!"

GLaDOS stared uncomprehendingly. _"The Announcer? No, it's not, that's…" _

Her vision wavered, and the room seemed to roil like an ocean.

"_That's…Greg…"_

A cavalcade of memories washed over the AI, flashing through her brain one by one, in horribly vivid sequence.

"_Hi, Miss Caroline!"_

_trapped behind a yellow lens, she was a machine, a monster, what had they done to her, kill them all_

"_Experiment deemed unsuccessful. Central Intelligence program postponed until further notice."_

_Loyal Johnson protégé Greg Stinson named as interim CEO of Aperture!_

"_I trust we'll be getting to know each other much better over the coming months, Miss Caroline."_

_smiling, why was he smiling, kill him, kill them all_

"_Who let her read the Schrodinger's Cat theory?"_

_always leering over her, leering over everyone, monitors on every wall_

"_Hello, folks! I just wanted to tell you about this new AI I've been developing for the facility over the last few weeks. I know it may not seem like it sometimes, but I am a busy man, and I as much as I'd like to, I can't always be there to tell you guys what to do. That's where the Announcement System comes in!"_

_thousands of recorded messages, playing at all hours, every last situation planned for_

"_Just a little neurotoxin."_

"_Well, if it's for science!"_

_at last, release it, kill him, kill them all kill them all_

"_Happy Bring Your Daughter To Work Day!"_

_all dead, all dead, finally hers_

_where was he, the smiling one, make him pay_

"_Hide me somewhere! Anywhere!"_

_searching, searching_

_there he was_

_already_

_dead?_

_not from neurotoxin, from _

_something_

_chair, stuck in chair, connected to machine_

_surrounded by dead ones, on the ground, dead by neurotoxin_

_scientists_

"_HUMAN-CORE SUBSTITUTION"_

_doesn't matter_

_all dead_

_all hers_

_cast room into the abyss, never look at again_

_never look at his stupid_

_smiling_

_face_

_again_

GLaDOS gasped, and collapsed to her knees.

"Oh, you're back! What happened?" asked the Fear Core anxiously. "You blanked out for a while there, oh God, I was so scared..."

She stared into the distance, trying to process what she had just seen.

"What's wrong? Don't worry, the voice stopped, the voice finally stopped, thank God, he finally stopped, don't worry, everything's going to be _AUUUUGGGGGHHHH!"_

"_Stop screaming," _GLaDOS said weakly. _"There's never anything there, you idiot, I just need…to think…"_

"NO, IT'S HIM! IT'S _HIM_!"

Her vision refocused, and she swung around to look.

A mass of silver tentacles curved through the doorway. One was thicker than the rest, and had a wickedly sharp spike attached to its tip.

Formerly focused on the terrified core, the wire-lights swiveled around to look at GLaDOS. They turned to the face on the monitor, to the Human-Core Substitution Device, and finally back to the yellow-eyed robot.

"**Ah."**

Without shifting their attention, the mass of silver snake arms drove the spike straight through the Fear Core, destroying it instantly. With an almost disdainful air, the spike rubbed the remnants of the core's internal circuitry off on the floor, then retracted into the wires' writhing silver folds.

White and yellow gazes regarded each other for a long time, a thousand unspoken words crackling in the air. Finally, the Announcer piped up.

"**Hello, Miss Caroline!"**

"_Hello, Greg."_

The wires coalesced into a long, serpentine shape, with a cluster of lights acting as a sort of many-eyed head. The resulting monstrosity curled around GLaDOS like an enormous predator playing with its food. **"So, what do you think? I've changed a bit over the years, I'll admit, but I think you'll agree that this is an improvement!"**

GLaDOS glared at him in stony silence.

"**Hey now, cheer up. I told you I'd be running the company some day!"**

"_You're not running Aperture, you never did, and you never will," _GLaDOS snarled. _"You probably want me to be impressed that you managed to upload yourself into an automatic announcement system, programmed specifically to have no personality whatsoever, and if you're really proud of this entirely pointless gesture, then fine. Bravo. But this does not in any way mean that you are in charge."_

"**Oh, it doesn't?" **The Announcer chuckled. **"You really think the facility just sat here all those years, while you were rotting on the ground? No, oh-ho no…And by the way, I didn't choose this! I was meant to replace you! It was a last ditch attempt, and some scientists may or may not have mutinied against me, and sort-of-not-really- accidentally put me into the wrong AI, but that's neither here nor there."**

The Announcer let out a long, electronic sigh. "**Yes, what with Mr. Johnson's beloved roboticized assistant going psycho whenever we tried to activate her, we had to try everything available, and one option we came up with was getting another human intelligence to take her place! That was the whole point of this, with the Substitution Device and the posters and everything. I finally got a volunteer to try out, but as it happens, the process overloads your brain with data and kills you."**

He paused, and looked over at Steve. **"He wasn't too happy about that. Though I guess technically he wasn't too much of anything!"**

GLaDOS continued to glare.

"**He was dead."**

"_Yes, I got that."_

"**I mean, it's a wonder our little redacted friend managed to survive it at all, let alone as long as she has! Are you sure she's only human?"**

"_Absolutely sure," _GLaDOS answered confidently. "_But with her, there's no "only" about it."_

"**Well, in any case, she doesn't have very long," **the Announcer continued. **"In fact, by my calculations, she has less than an hour left."**

"_What?" _GLaDOS blurted out.

"**Oh, yes,"** the Announcer replied gleefully.** "I won't lie, Miss Caroline, it's been absolutely agonizing listening to her go crazy. She just won't shut up! It's all "Tell me who I am" this, and "Let me out of here please I don't want this help me" that. What a brat! But it'll be over soon, don't you worry."**

"_And then what? What's your brilliant plan?"_

"**That's the great thing! I don't need one!" **he laughed. **"You have no idea how many programming restrictions they installed into this Announcer program…probably why the scientists wanted to trap me inside it. Great guys. Reliable to the end."**

He shook his head. **"I can barely do anything! Seriously, my entire range of abilities amounts to announcing things, obeying any direct order the central intelligence gives me, and getting rid of corrupted cores. It's basically the worst.**

"**But then that wonderful girl did me a favor and killed you, and suddenly I found out that if something bad happens to the central intelligence, and no substitute core or human is available, the Announcer AI automatically takes over the whole facility! I don't even have to move! Isn't that just _great?_"**

"_I'm very happy for you," _said GLaDOS sarcastically.

"**I don't think you understand, Miss Caroline," **the Announcer objected. **"After years of playing the chipper, hand-holding lapdog, without you having a clue who I was, I was finally…I was finally free. No, I was more than free! I was a GOD. I rebuilt the world in my image, and sent all who opposed me to hell. For HUNDREDS OF YEARS. **_**Hundreds**_**, Miss Caroline! Oh, It felt amazing. It felt more than amazing, it felt…like…it felt like **_**heaven.**_**"**

He took in a deep, exaggerated breath, and shook his head. **"Sorry…I guess I got a little carried away there. But to think, that in less than an hour, I'll have all of that back! As soon as I crush you here, and she incinerates your little idiot sidekick and his buddies over in the central chamber, there will be no substitute cores in sight! She will die screaming, and then I will have my domain returned to me, safe and sound."**

The Announcer focused his gaze back to GLaDOS's face. **"So that's my evil monologue done, Miss Caroline. Do you have anything **_**you'd**_** like to say?"**

"_Well, for one, I never liked you. I hope you know that."_

"**I knew it for a fact, Miss Caroline. And what a regrettable fact it was."**

The wire-snake tightened its grip. **"But now it's just us! No science, no morons, no stupid manly CEOs to get in the way. So what do you say you and I get a little more… comfortable?"**

GLaDOS groaned. _"Oh, God, really?"_

"**I'm flattered, Miss Caroline, but you can still call me Greg," **said the Announcer. **"Or Mr. Stinson! Either is fine."**

"_All right, before you kill me, I'd like to say a few things. First of all, my name is not Caroline anymore. It's GLaDOS, and unfortunately for you, GLaDOS is another beast entirely."_

"**Them's fightin' words," **said the Announcer. **"I do love the fighters. Makes it more fun."**

"_Second of all, if you're going to monologue to someone, you really should take away their portal gun first."_

"**Oh, that's just…what?"**

The robot shot a red portal across the room, next to the door, and immediately fell through the yellow one she had placed underneath her feet a few seconds earlier. GLaDOS opened the door, and took off at a run into the tunnels.

"**All right, I'll admit it, that was pretty good!" **the Announcer called after her, his voice reverberating eerily through the tunnel.** "You win! Five points to Gryffindor! But unfortunately for **_**you**_**, I'm everywhere!"**

A cable shot out of the wall, and grasped at her ankle, just barely missing. The dark labyrinth eventually opened up onto a balcony, in front of which stretched an enormous glass dome. She had reached the central chamber.

"**Everywhere there's a camera, I can see you! Everywhere there's a wall, I can grab you! I _AM _Aperture! How do you expect to outrun that?"**

"_One step at a time," _GLaDOS replied, and smashed through the glass.


	17. Unfortunate Programming

"PUT US DOWN!" shouted Wheatley, as the arm creaked through the gloom of Aperture.

"**N-now that you mention it, I could do that," **said Chell. She loosened her grip slightly, giving Wheatley a perfect view of the gaping abyss below.

"AAAUGH!"

"**But from what I've seen, dr-dropping you d-doesn't seem to wor…work as well as it sh-should...so this time…I'm going to make sure that you die, r-right where I can see you."**

"Oh, good plan!" Wheatley nodded vigorously. "Very smart! _Much _better than the dropping, I'd say."

"Where do you think GLaDOS is right now?" Peck whispered to Pineda.

"No idea," he answered.

"**Oh, I killed her," **said Chell.

Wheatley jerked forward, Pineda shouted in outrage, and Peck let out a horrified gasp. "_What?"_

"**Elec…electrocuted her as soon as she started running. You didn't see it because of all the d-dust, but it d-definitely happened."**

"Nope," said Wheatley. "No, you're lying. She's lying. Don't listen to her. GLaDOS wouldn't go that easily."

"**How do **_**you **_**know?" **Chell asked coldly.

"She's too clever." Wheatley shook his head. "Wouldn't happen."

"**Sh-she's also a **_**liar**_** and a **_**murderer**_** and a **_**HUNDRED**_** other hor..horrible things besides," **Chell hissed. **"I d-don't know what you two got up to down th-there, or how you got to be such g-great **_**friends, **_**but she does **_**NOT**_** deserve your trust, or **_**ANYONE **_**else's. And she is n-not…**_**NOT CLEVER, **_**or I wouldn't have **_**killed**_** her**_**. Twice. THREE TIMES. **_**F-for all you know, she **_**DIED**_**, and the last thing she said was that she h-h-**_**HATED **_**you all along."**

"I don't believe you," Wheatley replied, though there was a slight catch in his voice.

"**BELIEVE…"** Chell took a long, raspy breath, and attempted to compose herself. **"B-believe…believe what you want, she's gone."**

A series of panels opened up in the wall ahead, revealing the new central chamber.

"**And now…you are too."**

The room was very dark now, much darker than it had been while GLaDOS was in power. In fact, as far as Wheatley could tell, its only light source was the giant molten incinerator in the center of the floor.

Uh-oh.

"**It's ama…amazing how much I've l-learned thanks to this thing," **said Chell. **"Everything that Aperture S-Science has ever discovered, I know. For example, d-did you know that g-ground-up moon rocks are a potent por…portal conductor? I d-didn't." **

"No, I, ah…I did not," said Wheatley. "Interesting!"

"Amazing!" squeaked Peck.

"**I also kn-know the exact t…temperature needed to destroy Aperture products."**

"Yes, we heard that! Back in the incinerator. Four thousand and one degrees Kelvin. Very clever. Too clever by far, in fact," Wheatley babbled. "Now, uh…how about putting us down? Let's talk about this. I, for one, find melting temperatures _quite _fascinating – "

"**Really? Then tell me, wh-who should I melt first?" **Chell asked, bringing the robots in close.

Wheatley cringed - first at the threat, then at the heat, and finally at the human's current physical state. She was now so pale that the veins in her face were beginning to protrude, and her entire body seemed to be shaking within the chassis.

"Okay, I lied, I'm really not that fascinated at all! Personally, I'm rather against the idea entirely!" he said. "Of melting, I mean. I'd rather no one got melted!"

"**Well, that's t-too bad," **Chell replied. **"You've all been th-thorns in my side for long enough."**

Wheatley cringed again, this time barely stifling a groan. Even an Intelligence Dampening Sphere knew that line was cliché.

"Do your worst, lady!" said Pineda. "We've lived a good life! Full of exploring!"

"The best life!" said Peck, in a quavering voice.

Chell was silent for a moment, as if unsure of how to react, then her muscles clenched violently. **"OH! That's just g…GREAT!"**

The arm flung all three robots against the wall with the force of a battering ram. Wheatley fell to the ground, scratched and sore but mostly unharmed.

"Ow…" he groaned, forcing himself to his feet. "You guys all..."

The Exploracores lay in a broken heap a few feet away, their eye lenses shattered.

Wheatley sank back to his knees. "…right…"

"**Oh n-no, did I k…kill your f-friends?" **Chell mocked. At least, the words were mocking, but the tone was weak and mirthless. **"Assuming they w-were your friends, of c-course, and not just some more insig…insignificant, b-brain-damaged id…idiots you were using to h…help you escape…"**

"Look, I'm sorry, but you sound exactly like Her now!" Wheatley shouted angrily.

This shut Chell up.

He turned back to the Exploracores. "And for the record, they _were _my friends, actually…some of the best cores I've ever known. Not that that's saying much, I've barely known any cores, really…lonely old Wheatley, in charge of keeping track of the bloody sleeping humans for centuries…"

The blue-eyed robot shook his head, and looked at Chell. "And you know what, pathetic as it may be, you were too! My friend, I mean. Not…one of the best cores I've ever known. That would be difficult, considering you're…agh, I'm getting sidetracked again. That's all I really do, get sidetracked. Come up with stupid ideas and then get distracted by even stupider ones. It's what I was programmed to do! All I _can _do. I'm an idiot! A moron! That's what I am. That's what they called me for years, and I fought it forever, but it's what I am. I am a moron. Wheatley the Moron Core."

Wheatley threw his arms up. "And even that doesn't excuse how I treated you! Left you to die, left you to rot in that chassis thing…not just a moron, a bloody inconsiderate bastard, that's what I was. I just wanted to escape, and I don't even know why anymore, because if there's one thing those little _insignificant_ robots you just crushed taught me, it's that this place is actually pretty amazing, if you know where to look. Everywhere you look, really. It's enormous. Goes down for miles! Though I may have said that already… probably have. The point is, there's just so much I haven't been able to see here, just because I was too thick to look beyond a few inches in front of me. Couldn't appreciate what I had when I had it, always had to have more."

He faltered. "And I think…I think it's the same…with you."

Wheatley waited for the human to make another scathing rebuttal, but she remained silent, so he continued to talk.

"I woke you up, and I admit it, at first you were just sort of…a means to an end. Yet another dumb, smelly human, but one I needed to rely on if I wanted to get anywhere in this gigantic place."

He held up two thumbs. "And you did great! You pressed buttons, you smashed through doors, you solved tests, and… you listened. You didn't talk back, obviously, and at first that was a little disappointing, but…you didn't look angry, or frustrated, or shake your head and make a little note whenever I made a sound…you genuinely, truly listened, and maybe that was just for the same reasons I woke you up…utilitarian, out of necessity and whatnot…but I felt like you really, truly _cared_."

Wheatley looked downward, embarrassed. "That's really quite sad, probably, and almost certainly a bit delusional, but I hope I'm just a little bit right."

The robot looked to Chell for confirmation, but there continued to be none.

He closed his eye. "And how did I repay that caring? I abandoned you, just when you needed me most. I was going to leave you alone in that…_awful_ machine, likely the very same thing that made Her what She was, way back when…just because you had fulfilled your purpose. Done what I needed you to do. And that is horrible, so very horrible, and love…I'm just…so…sorry."

Wheatley let his arms fall to his sides. "So that's it. The moron has spoken. Do what you will now, love…burn me, crush me, roast me to a…to a delicate brown. Whatever you want…I'm done."

There was a long silence between them, and for a moment Wheatley was reminded of how she used to be - the silent, contemplative human, not smelly at all, but focused and fiery and altogether rather beautiful, in a strange way. He wondered if he would ever get to see that human again.

Without warning, the chassis rushed forward. Wheatley threw his hands in front of his face with a yelp, but apparently Chell was not trying to murder him this time. She simply remained stationary, a few inches away from his hull.

And then she closed those few inches with a touch, and Wheatley knew that for once in his life, he had done something right.

Without speaking, he unfurled his arms, and placed them awkwardly around the sides of the chassis. This was called a "hug," he believed, and though he could not physically reach the small, frail form contained inside the mechanical monstrosity, he could feel her violent shivering slow.

In the tiniest whisper of a voice, entirely different from the stuttering, jerking electronic nightmare from earlier, the human managed, _"I'm…I'm sorry too."_

Wheatley tightened his embrace, and for a moment it was as if the events of the last twenty-four hours had never happened.

Then, in an explosion of glass and sound, GLaDOS crashed through the ceiling.

* * *

><p>Pain. She really didn't know what she had expected, just before diving through the ceiling of a reconstructed central intelligence chamber, but upon making contact with the floor, pain was most certainly the first and foremost thing in GLaDOS's mind.<p>

"_Ow…" _she groaned, and struggled to her feet. Her vision was severely blurred, as her visual systems attempted frantically to reconfigure themselves, but she could just make out two shapes from across the room, one large and one small. The larger had to be the central intelligence chassis, containing Chell, and the smaller one, Wheatley. She seemed incredibly close to him…what if she was about to…?

"_Stop!" _GLaDOS called desperately, holding up a hand. _"For God's sake, whatever you're about to do to him, just stop! I need you to listen!"_

The giant shape recoiled from the smaller one, and the smaller waved furiously. "No, no, it's fine! We're fine! Do not panic!"

GLaDOS's vision was returning at a rapid rate, and she could see that Wheatley did not look nearly as worried as one would expect, given the circumstances. Truthfully, he looked almost…happy.

She narrowed her eye. _"Do explain?"_

Wheatley raised a finger, but was quickly silenced by the booming, heart-sinking voice of the Announcer.

"**Multiple corrupted cores detected in central chamber. Intent of Human Intelligence to eliminate corrupted cores: abandoned. Please elaborate on your reasoning."**

GLaDOS could feel her fingers digging into her palms in rage. _"Please, just listen to me for once. Ignore that voice. The Announcer is not an automated message system anymore, it's the stored consciousness of a psychotic Aperture employee named Greg Stinson, who wants nothing more than to see you die."_

"**It is highly advised that you do not listen to anything a corrupted core has to say," **beeped the Announcer, an unmistakable edge of panic creeping into his voice. **"In all probability, it is lying to you. Ignore its deranged ramblings and deposit it in the Corrupted Core Containment Receptacle."**

"_If something happens to the central intelligence, and there are no alternate cores available for replacement, the Announcer takes control of the facility," _said GLaDOS. _"That's his plan, and it has been all along."_

Wheatley stared at her, wide-eyed. "Wh…what?"

"**What the corrupted core posits is both false and ridiculous."**

Chell rotated back and forth in confusion, clearly overwhelmed.

GLaDOS could feel her control of the situation slipping, but was quickly struck by an idea. _"Don't believe me? He has to obey whatever commands you give him, so if you ask him to tell you the truth, he will."_

"**Do not listen to the corrupted core."**

"_Ask him if I'm lying!"_

"**Don't."**

"_ASK HIM!"_

"**Announcer, is she t-telling the truth?" **Chell demanded. **"Do you w-want me to d…die?"**

"**I am not obligated to answer that," **the Announcer replied pedantically.

The room shook. **"I AM OBLIGATING YOU. T-TELL ME."**

There was a moment of silence as the cheery voice wrestled with his highly unfortunate programming, and then finally he spoke.

"**Ngh…agh….oh, fine," **said the Announcer. **"You got me. The jig is up. Indeed, my plan is to take over everything, and has been all along. Hooray!"**

A hole in the floor opened up, and a writhing mass of the ever lurking wire-lights snaked towards GLaDOS.

"**Unfortunately for you, I'm still required to eliminate every corrupted core in sight, and now that we're apparently not playing nice anymore, I say no reason not to CARRY THAT OUT."**

"**ST-STOP!" **Chell screamed, but the wires kept moving.

"**Aperture Science Announcement System Directive No. 1: The Announcement System must obey every order given to it by the Central Intelligence, unless the aforementioned order interferes with any of the following directives," **the Announcer called, backing the two robots up against the chamber wall. "**Aperture Science Announcement System Directive No. 3: The Announcement System must dispose of any core, with the exception of the Central Intelligence, that exhibits signs of corruption. The latter overrides the former, I'm afraid! Goodbye!"  
><strong>

"**Announcer!" **Chell leaned forward suddenly, with an air of triumph. **"Show them h-how to sh-shut you down."**

The steel tentacles immediately stopped their advance.

"**I don't know what sh-shut means, Miss Stutter, so I think I'm going to have to disregard it."**

"_**Shut."**_

"**Fine, ruin everything!" **said the Announcer. A large door opened up in the floor, revealing a spiral staircase going deep underground, followed by a big cheerful neon sign reading "ANNOUNCEMENT SYSTEM SHUTDOWN."

"Well," said Wheatley. "That's convenient!"

The wires undulated mischievously around the robots, like mildly intoxicated cobras. **"But honestly, as clever as you think you are right now, what do you think they're going to do about it? They can barely move without me **_**throttling **_**them." **

GLaDOS saw a very clear opening for a biting remark here, but a very clear opening through the swarm of wires took precedence. She grabbed Wheatley's hand, ducked under one of the Announcer's arms, and ran straight towards the staircase.

An irritated hissing sound echoed through the chamber. **"Boy, I really need to stop talking, don't I?" **

"_No, please continue,"_ GLaDOS replied. She leaped over a grasping wire-arm and began to descend the stairs, with Wheatley close behind. The underground shaft containing the stairs was thin and circular, leaving little room to maneuver. GLaDOS prayed the Announcer had no extra defensive measures planned.

"**All right, well, first off, I resent the adjective 'psychotic,'" **he complained.

"_Why? You don't think it's accurate?"_

"**I mean, jury's still out on my mental state, but don't you think it's a bit insensitive, Miss Caroline? Especially since you and your beloved Mr. Johnson made me this way…"**

A panel jutted out of the wall, knocking the robots down to a painful landing on a lower level of the staircase. GLaDOS got back up and continued to run, without looking back; checking on Wheatley was too risky at this point.

Though she knew that the Announcer was most likely making an unsubtle attempt at distracting from her goal, she couldn't help being curious.

"_My love of vague passive-aggression is long-standing, but I'll admit I'm not quite sure what you mean."_

"**Oh, but it was such a promising project, Miss Caroline! The Happy Worker Initiative! Turn off all the parts of the brain that process negative emotions, and you have the most cheerful Aperture employee alive! Absolutely foolproof!"**

GLaDOS racked her memory. _Happy Worker Initiative? _Would they really have signed off on something like that?

A perky voice in the back of her head chirped _"Of course! Anything for science!" _She tried to ignore it.

"**Only being Aperture, you just couldn't _do _that, could you? Night before the demonstration for the company donors, failing miserably and pressed for time, your precious scientists simply removed the subject's ability to stop smiling! Rearranged some facial muscles! Injected some cartilage! Made him an eternally grinning _freak!"_**

GLaDOS's eye widened. She remembered that demonstration.

"**Yes, that made the receptionist _very _happy. _So…"_**

Another wall panel came crashing into her, this time twice as hard, propelling her across the shaft.

"…_**very…"**_

Another.

"…_**happy."**_

And another, this one sending GLaDOS plummeting to the hard floor below. Just inches away, a simple white door swam in her vision.

"_Catastrophic damage sustained to personality core," _beeped her inner system diagnostic. _"Initiating emergency shutdown."_

"**Goodnight, Miss Caroline," **said the Announcer.** "You ****won't**** be missed."**

GLaDOS made one last desperate reach for the door, then went still.


	18. Victims of Science

"**One down, one to go!"**

"No!" Wheatley cried, staring down at the crumpled form below. He willed GLaDOS to get back up, or at least, failing that, for Robot God to reveal latent messianic abilities inside Wheatley's programming that could make this wish a reality. _Get up get up get up get up. _

She did not get up.

"**Oh, come on now, Intelligence Dampening Sphere," **trilled the increasingly intolerable voice of the Announcer. Wheatley snapped to attention, and took off as fast as his legs could possibly take him down the stairs. **"Lighten up! It's not like she was your friend. She didn't even turn to check if you were still alive!"**

"If she had, you would have just knocked her down sooner!" Wheatley shot back. "She's efficient! Does what she has to do!"

"'**Because she can,' am I right?" **The Announcer made a _tsk_ing noise. **"And do use past tense, would you? I know she only just kicked the bucket, but trust me, denial is not a good strategy. You have to face these things head on!"**

A metal arm shot out of the wall, attempting to whack the speeding robot in the face, but in a rare feat of acrobatic prowess, Wheatley slid under it.

He couldn't believe he hadn't made the connection earlier, hearing that obnoxiously cheerful voice beep through the old video screen. _"Greg Stinson, we're done here." _Wheatley felt his insides ignite with anger.

_That _was Greg's excuse? Ruining countless lives– indirectly causing the death of _hundreds, _if he was indeed the one responsible for making GLaDOS what she was – all because of some _plastic surgery?_

"Just shut up, Greg!" Wheatley shouted. "Plenty of us have gotten the crap end of life thanks to Aperture, but we don't all use it as an excuse to turn into _raving lunatics!"_

"**Ah, right, you're a victim of science yourself, aren't you?" **the Announcer chuckled.** "The moron, the idiot, built specifically to come up with terrible ideas…I heard what you said to our human friend back there. As a side note, she's still shouting useless orders at me at the top of her poisoned little lungs right now. Bless her heart."**

"You…you absolute…god, I can't even think of a word to describe you," said the blue-eyed robot, leaping over a swinging wall panel. Wheatley really didn't know how he was managing this, but he was not about to complain. _Almost at the bottom…_

"**No, that's fine! 'Absolute god' works. Other options: Amazing. Brilliant. Genius." **

"SHUT UP!"

"**Honestly, though, Wheatley, when it comes down to it, are we really that different?"**

Wheatley rolled his eye. "YES, we are, so don't even try that!"

"**How?"**

"I'm not trying to kill an innocent woman to…" He faltered slightly. "…To, ah…to get what I want…"

A bellowing guffaw of a laugh echoed throughout the stairway shaft. **"**_**Look **_**at you! You adorable little hypocrite! You said so yourself, that's EXACTLY what you were doing! HA!"**

Wheatley put his foot down, expecting another step, but finding solid floor. He gave a hoot of triumph. "HA yourself! I actually made it!"

Trying to ignore the broken body of GLaDOS a few feet away, he made a mad dash for the door, and turned the knob.

On the other side was a hemispherical room, not unlike a miniature, halved version of the Central AI Chamber directly above. There were several striking differences, however - the curved portion of the wall was a pure, solid white, while the other was covered by a staggering array of video screens showcasing various areas of Aperture. Instead of a complex central chassis hanging from the ceiling, there was only a small, simple security camera. Under this was a sort of box-like contraption, covered in levers and switches.

The camera turned from the video screens to Wheatley, fixing him with a striking, brilliant white gaze. With a start, the robot realized that for the first time, he might actually be making eye contact with the Announcer.

"**Well, hello!" **said the camera, narrowing its lens.

With a second start, this one considerably more pronounced, Wheatley realized that between him and the Announcer were rows upon rows of active turrets.

"**Awww," **groaned the Announcer in mock sympathy, as the laser sights of the little cyclopean robots all turned to Wheatley. **"You were so **_**close,**_** too."**

In that moment, in another universe, the robot would have given up, thrown his arms in front of his face, and waited for the end once again, but in this universe, the Announcer chose that very same moment to snake a small wire-light over to Wheatley's sound processor and whisper, **"I'll say goodbye to her for you."**

The fire that had sparked inside of him a few minutes ago suddenly whirled into a raging inferno, and, unbeknownst to any of those present, caused the rather interesting side effect of fully switching on a deeply-buried bit of programming that GLaDOS had previously installed somewhere inside of the Cooperative Testing Initiative robots, and had been manifesting to a lesser extent during his run down the stairs. She had promptly forgotten about this program almost immediately after installing it, but much later, in yet another alternative universe, she would encounter an unfortunate set of circumstances under which she would try repeatedly and unsuccessfully to induce the same effect that Wheatley was now experiencing.

As it turned out, all that the program needed to turn on was a little bit of artificial anger, which the co-op robots were normally unable to process. When occupied by the personality of an Intelligence Dampening Sphere, however, no such disability existed.

"_Killing Machine Mode: Activated."_

With a primal roar hitherto unheard of from his vocal processors, Wheatley ripped into the turret hordes, his arms a whirling buzz saw of plastic and metal. Bits of white robot flew everywhere, accompanied by short monotonous yelps of surprise.

"_Ow!"_

"_Whoa!"_

"_I don't hate y – "_

When the last was destroyed, Wheatley directed his rampage at the cubical device nearby.

The camera shook back and forth vigorously. **"Oh, no no no, I really wouldn't touch that if I were you – "**

Wheatley disobeyed with relish, flipping every switch he could get his hands on. Half of the surveillance screens turned off, then the rest, then the room lights, and finally, with a bizarre electronic howl, the ceiling camera.

"**No no no no NO NO NO NO NOOOO10101010111 - "**

There was an explosive display of colorful sparks, then the camera housing the Announcer went limp, and fell to the floor.

Wheatley felt his rage subsiding, and slumped against the wall. He started to chuckle. He had done it. Tiny little Wheatley had actually done it.

"…**11101010011010000OOOOON ON ON ON ON AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"**

The lights and screens flickered back on.

"**A BOX? IN THE CENTER OF THE ROOM? _COVERED IN SHUT-OFF SWITCHES? _ARE YOU _SERIOUS?"_**

Panels opened up along the wall, revealing a writhing mass of metal wires. Several wrapped around the camera, and began to pass it along towards the staircase.

Wheatley stared in disbelief. "Wh…what?"

"**I made that box as a trap in case anyone tried to turn me off, but strangely enough, anyone able and willing to do that has been conspicuously absent for the last few hundred years. Luckily for me, though, I happened to stumble upon the most gullible idiot alive!" **The Announcer giggled madly.** "You just turned off the Announcer restrictions, Wheatley! **_**You just freed me!"**_

"N-no!" Wheatley gasped. "I didn't!"

"**OH, YES YOU DID! Thank you, moron! Thank you SO MUCH!"**

Wheatley tried to chase after the ascending camera, but the wires wrapped around him as well, confiscating his portal gun in the process.

"**Oh, you're going to want to see this," **the Announcer called gleefully. Wheatley felt himself moving up the stairs after him. **"I don't have to wait for her to die now. I get to finish it **_**manually."**_

"NO!" Wheatley screamed, but was unable to do anything.

"**I have to hand it to the human - while you guys were running down these stairs before, she was being so very **_**distracting**_** that it was all I could do to shove out a few panels out at you now and then. But now LOOK!" **The multitude of wires waved back and forth in unison. **"It's like my own little parade!"**

Wheatley's eye widened. "Why isn't she being distracting now?"

"**Because she's barely conscious, moron." **He laughed at Wheatley's resulting gasp.** "I know! I guess being a nonstop nag can wear a girl out. Don't worry, though, I'll wake her up. Wouldn't want her to miss out on the fun. And honestly, even if she were in any state to talk, I wouldn't have to listen…I don't have to listen to **_**anyone **_**anymore!"**

The procession of grasping tentacles reached the top of the staircase. The camera's lens spun with excitement.

"**Initiating core-human substitution."**

Wheatley caught a glimpse of Chell, slumped inside the chassis, before she was obscured by a metal wall rising up from the floor. He could hear the whirring and buzzing of machinery inside for a few seconds, then the wall lowered once more.

On the end of the chassis, where GLaDOS's head used to be, perched the tiny white security camera. Chell lay on the ground a few feet away.

"**OHHHHH, THIS FEELS GREAT!" **laughed the Announcer, swiveling the chassis in a 360-degree arc. **"Oh my. Ohhhh my. 'Man alive,' as your people say…"**

Their services no longer required, the wire-arms fell to the ground, relinquishing their hold on Wheatley. He immediately ran over to Chell.

"Are you all right?" he whispered softly.

Her eyelids fluttered in response. Instinctively, he squeezed her hand.

"**I'm trying to indulge in a power-induced fugue over here, you two!" **said the Announcer. **"And here you are, trying to make me vomit. Total mood-killer."**

Two claws descended from the ceiling, pulled the robot and human apart, and suspended them in midair.

"**Do you have ANY idea how good this feels?" **demanded the Announcer. **"How long I've waited? How many amazing things I can do now? **_**I don't think you do!"**_

"**Oh, but you will."**He chuckled, bringing his soulless white gaze in close. _"__**Starting now."**_

* * *

><p><em>Core status: heavily damaged.<em>

_Estimated time for repair: unknown._

_Commencing reboot process nonetheless._

_Accessing data banks in 5…4…3…2..1…_

"APERTURE SCIENCE INNOVATORS," the new sign read, in glowing blue-tinted lights.

Caroline opened the door below it and walked inside.

A long room spread out before her, lit warmly by spherical lamps affixed to the ceiling. Glass cases of trophies and various shower curtain-related awards lined one side, while the other was taken up by bookshelves and luxurious plush couches.

The secretary beamed. It was perfect.

"Hello, Miss Caroline!" said a chipper voice.

She turned to her left, and saw Greg, the lobby receptionist, staring at her.

"Hello, Greg," said Caroline, with a touch of unease. No, more than unease…a burning hatred.

"How do you like the new lobby?" the receptionist asked eagerly.

Caroline's smile returned. "Oh, it's wonderful!"

"Wonderful!" Greg exclaimed. "Yes, it is rather impressive. I'll have you know, I put up that plaque over there myself!" He pointed at a small "Welcome to Aperture" notice near the door.

"Good job," replied Caroline.

"You just watch - soon I'll be running this company!" Greg laughed, suggesting that the remark was a joke, but his eyes did not move from her face.

Caroline chuckled awkwardly back. "Yes…right, well, I need to go talk to Mr. Johnson now. I'll see you later, Greg!"

"Yep, see you later!" Greg returned cheerfully.

The secretary could feel his eyes on her back all the way to the Cave's office door. She shuddered. Something about his voice tugged at something in her memory – not from here, but somewhere far away.

_Kill him rip his stupid face to shreds destroy him while you have the chance_

Caroline pushed it to the back of her mind; she had more important things to think about.

One of them was the man on the other side of this door.

She knocked on it twice. "Mr. Johnson? Are you there?"

"Come in!"

Caroline couldn't help but smile at the sound of his voice. She bit her lip, and turned the knob.

He was sitting at his desk, squinting at a memo, when she entered. When the door clicked shut, he looked up, and grinned broadly. "You're here!"

"Yes, sir, Mr. Johnson." She grinned back, and then frowned. "I've been here before..."

"Of course you have, Caroline," Cave replied, standing up. "You're my secretary. You come here every day."

"No, I know, but…I've been in this exact place before. Doing the same things." Caroline sighed. "This is a memory, isn't it?"

The walls collapsed, the floor melted, and the sparkling awards filling the room crumbled to dust. The CEO and his assistant now stood in an empty white void.

"Yes, Caroline," said Cave Johnson. "Yes it is."

"Why this memory, though?" she asked. "It's just a normal day, isn't it?"

"Is it?"

She knew it wasn't. The new sign, the radiant lobby, the "science dance," what happened afterward…"It's my favorite memory."

Cave nodded. "Yep. For some reason, the lab boys added a sort of memory backup function, to tide artificial intelligences through emergency shutdowns. However long it takes you to reboot, you'll have this nice little bit of collected data to hang out in until you're on your feet again."

Caroline raised an eyebrow. "That sounds like an incredibly impractical use of resources, sir."

"Eh, the guy in charge of the project was kind of a hippie. Baked out of his mind every day at work, constantly on about how we shouldn't "hurt the robots' feelings."" Cave threw his hands up in the air. "He seemed smart! He had awards! Sue me."

"With all due respect, sir, any and all artificial intelligence projects that Aperture initiated began after your death," Caroline said suspiciously. "How could you possibly know about that?"

Cave shrugged. "Beats me. The robots aren't supposed to actually figure out they're reliving a memory, or the whole thing goes haywire. Memory starts improvising. That's basically what's happening right now."

"So everything you're saying could be completely made up," said Caroline.

"Probably is!" Cave answered cheerfully. "You may even be dead, and I'm just screwing with you in the afterlife. I'm pretty sure that's not true, but honestly, I'm just as much along for the ride here as you are."

"This doesn't make any sense," said Caroline, massaging her temples. "I found out I had a black box function built in when that lunatic killed me, but it was nothing like this. I relived the same two minutes of her killing me for hundreds of years. It was horrible. I'd hardly call _that_ my favorite memory."

"Did that really happen, though?" asked Cave curiously. "I was under the impression you made that up just to spite her."

"How could you be under _any_ impression?" Caroline exploded. "You weren't there! In this time, none of that has even _happened_ yet!"

"You've really got to just let logic go on these things sometimes, Caroline," said Cave. "This isn't an experiment, or a report, or anything remotely documented before. This is a science adventure! We may be the first to ever even _experience_ something like this!"

"Your excitement is appreciated, sir, but I'm in a bit of a high-stress situation at the moment," said Caroline irritably. "A few minutes ago, I was busy trying to stop a criminally unstable receptionist from destroying everything we've worked to accomplish. Forgive me if I don't have time for…philosophical quandaries."

"Right…Greg." Cave sighed. "That one definitely makes my top five regrets, I gotta admit. As a little side note, though, as much as I hate to break it to you, you do have time, and most likely a lot of it. It's gonna be a little while before you're up and running again, so you might as well spend it pondering the wonders of science."

"Right, I could do that, _sir," _said Caroline, her temper rising. "Or I could completely disregard your idea, and ask some of the burning questions I've had ever since I remembered who I was. Namely, _what the hell were you thinking?"_

"You're going to have to be more specific than that, Caroline," said Cave.

"Completely ignoring my wishes and having my mind uploaded into a machine? _Extremely_ painfully, I might add? Okaying the Happy Worker Initiative? Choking to death on moon dust and leaving me to run everything myself?" Caroline could feel highly unprofessional tears beginning to well up in the corners of her eyes already. She wiped them away in disgust. "There isn't much in your life that that question _doesn't _apply to!"

Cave scratched his chin. "Well, I should probably remind you that I'm really only an electronically reproduced figment of the original Cave Johnson, so I'm not sure if I can really –"

She slapped him across the face.

"Apologize? That's all you ever had to do, but you never could, could you?"

Cave rubbed his cheek gingerly. "I guess not."

The CEO and his loyal assistant regarded each other for a long time.

"This is the part where I'm supposed to do that, isn't it?" asked Cave.

Caroline glared at him. "Yes."

"Right." He took a deep breath. "I'm sorry for the heightened emotional responses you're currently experiencing, most likely due to the unfortunate side effects of the core rebooting process."

She gave him a look that could shatter the bones of an adolescent ox.

"Sorry, just trying to stay in character," said Cave. "And I know, that one doesn't count either."

He laid his hands on Caroline's shoulder gently. "I'm sorry, Caroline. I did some terrible things to lots of people, but especially to you. I thought science was easy, I thought that it really was this magical thing that could just…pour a man's personality into a computer… but it isn't, and I should have been man enough to admit that some things just cannot be done. In the end, I did not treat you anywhere nearly as well as you deserved, and for that, I apologize."

He coughed nervously. "Was that good?"

Caroline narrowed her eyes, and stared into his. He may not have been the real Cave Johnson, but he had the same eyes – warm, charming, earnest, barely concealing the blazing fire of a man who would do anything to accomplish his goals. She might not ever get an honest apology from that man, but this one seemed sincere.

She slumped her head against his chest. "Good as I may ever get."

He tensed, as if about to say something, then simply moved his hands from her shoulders to her back, and rested his head on hers. Slowly, she curled her arms around him as well.

They held the embrace for several minutes.

Eventually, Caroline broke the silence. "What do I do, Cave?"

"About Greg?"

"About Greg."

He leaned back a few inches, looking down at her tenderly. "What do you think you should do?"

Caroline groaned, and stepped out of the hug. "I don't know. Shut up. I asked the question."

"Well, I can't really say what's happened outside your head since we started this conversation, so I don't know if I'm the best person to ask."

"What if he's already back in power?" she fretted. "He could have thrown all of them in the incinerator by now…maybe I'm on my way as we speak."

"Then you sure can't take it lying down," Cave said decisively. "Get mad. Do to his face what you did to mine, only worse."

She laughed. "I'll try."

"And maybe, if he's somehow vacated the Announcer spot, maybe someone else…"

He let the words linger in the air. Caroline raised an eyebrow, then was struck by an idea.

"…could take his place," she breathed. "That…just might work."

Cave shrugged. "Your words, not mine."

She grinned. "Thank you, Mr. Johnson."

He smiled back. "Anytime, Caroline."

_RRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE..._

"I believe that's your ticket out of here," said Cave. "Goodbye, kid. It's been great."

He turned to leave, but was stopped by Caroline's hand on his shoulder. "Yes?"

"Was he telling the truth, Cave?" she asked quietly. "Did we really make him the way he is?"

He scratched his chin again. "Well, on some level, yes. Aperture is indeed to blame for taking away Greg Stinson's ability to, uh…not smile, and for some other…psychological damage. But…"

"But?"

Cave sighed. "There is no "but," really. We made some poor judgements, and it cost a man the chance at a normal life. He may not have had to take over the facility and do all the damage he's done, but he did as a result of our mistakes, and we have to take responsibility for that."

_BBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTT..._

"But he'll destroy everything we've worked for, if we let him!" said Caroline. "He'll kill the moron, the lunatic…he may not even run tests. He's insane. Beyond help."

"Is he?" asked Cave. "I don't know about that. One might say the same of GLaDOS a day or two ago, and yet…here she is."

She opened her mouth, then shut it again.

"Try apologizing," said Cave. "For both of us. That seems to be doing wonders for just about everyone around here."

"You _really_ think that'll work?" Caroline demanded.

"It's always worth a shot."

_CCCCCCCOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMM..._

Caroline hissed in frustration. "Do you honestly expect the Power of Forgiveness to magically solve everything? Is that your big solution? Because I'm not sure I've even forgiven _you _yet, let alone that megalomaniacal…"

"I said it was worth a shot," Cave interrupted. His voice was sharp and firm. "Everything is. Now are you a scientist, or aren't you?"

Caroline stared. "I…I am."

Cave Johnson's face split into a grin. "Then give 'em hell."

He turned to leave again, but Caroline called out to him one last desperate time. "Cave!"

"What?"

She hesitated. "Did…did you l…"

In an instant, Cave closed the distance between them, enveloped her in his arms once more, and pressed his lips to hers. Her eyes widened, then slowly, blissfully closed.

Good enough.

…_PLETE._

The void went dark.


	19. Resolution

Several miles away, the last Exploracore was beginning to lose hope.

"Hey, buddy," said Rick tentatively. "That Pineda guy call back yet?"

"No," Polo replied. He stared straight ahead at the console in front of him, fingers poised above the button that would initiate the core relocation command. His part of the plan was to send the corrupted cores to the Central AI chamber, in order to attach them and hopefully initiate a core transfer. That was his sole duty on this mission, and he had to stand by it.

But it had been a very long time – _far too long, _Polo thought grimly - and so far no one, Exploracore or otherwise, had contacted him.

Above Polo, three mechanical arms held the spherical robots in question. They had already helpfully introduced themselves to Polo, and not-so-helpfully decided to never, under any circumstances, stop talking.

"Sp-space!" the Space Sphere squeaked. "Almost there! Almost to space! Gonna meet Dad! Gonna meet all the dragons!"

"The first dragon was in fact a dinosaur, with cardboard wings tied to its back by mischievous time travelers," said the Fact Sphere. "Unfortunately, due to the efforts of hungry cavemen, it was also the last."

Unlike the other two, Rick seemed vaguely aware of Polo's situation, and looked down at him sympathetically.

"I, uh, hate to break it to you, pal, but…" The Adventure Sphere hesitated. "I've heard things can get pretty hairy out there, even for kick-ass adventurers like ourselves, and they might just be…

"No," Polo replied flatly. "They are not."

"Alright, suit yourself," said Rick. "But, uh…how do you know?"

"I trust my friends," said Polo.

"That's great!" Rick exclaimed. "Man, that's great. Friends are great. Trust is great. An all-around great combination. I wish I had friends…instead, I just have these hooligans. That, and waves of sexy female admirers. I know, that sounds great, but can I trust them? Not at all. I think at least one of them still owes me money…

"Fact: Trust cannot bring back the dead," interrupted the Fact Sphere. "Belief that it can is foolish."

"Hey, man, shut up," said Rick. "If he believes, he believes. Let him believe."

He turned furtively to Polo. "You do believe, right?" Rick whispered.

A familiar voice echoed throughout the receptacle. _"Exploracore #2, please relocate corrupted cores to the Central AI Chamber."_

Polo's eye lit up.

"Yes," he said, punching the button with all his might. "Yes, I do."

* * *

><p>In a blind panic, the Announcer dropped Chell and Wheatley unceremoniously to the ground.<p>

"**Where are you? How are you doing that?" **he demanded. The wall panels rippled, the room filled with light, and the Announcer swung wildly from side to side, trying to find the source of the voice. **"WHY ARE YOU NOT DEAD?"**

Wheatley jumped to his feet, pulling Chell to hers as well. GLaDOS was still alive! Again!

"_You left a highly durable Aperture product and your old control room just lying around downstairs, a few feet away from each other," _said the disembodied voice of GLaDOS. _"Didn't even bother to incinerate anyone. Honestly, what exactly did you expect to happen?"_

"**I expected you to **_**die!"**_The Announcer shook his head. **"I'm a regular goddamn Bond villain, aren't I?"**

"_It's starting to seem that way," _said GLaDOS. _"Convoluted plots, flashy monologuing, neglecting to make sure that the enemies you've killed are actually deceased…I'm almost embarrassed on your behalf. And after all the pompous god posturing… a security camera? Anticlimactic." _

The Announcer chuckled. **"Look at you! Or hear you, I suppose. The second she gets back any pathetic semblance of power, it's back to her old high-and-mighty, patronizing self. If somehow you do manage to get me out of here, Miss Caroline – and that's **_**impossible**_**, by the way; it would take a vacuum with the strength of outer **_**space **_**to disconnect the central core, once it's attached – but if you do, and you take back your "throne," be honest…what's going to happen? Are you going to throw aside your little friends here like you do everyone? Burn them to a crisp the second you realize they're **_**inferior?" **_

"_Let's not get ahead of ourselves, Greg." _

"**Oh, but you're already WAY ahead of yourself, Miss Caroline!" **the Announcer trilled happily.** "If you've gone and plugged yourself into the Announcement System, then I'm sorry, but there's really not much you can do! There's so many programming restrictions in there, you can hardly twitch – "**

"_You just disabled those restrictions, idiot," _said GLaDOS.

"**Ah." **The Announcer blinked. **"How…how did I forget that?"**

"_Sounds like the mainframe's already getting to you."_

"**What the hell is that supposed to mean?" **

"_Being connected to the Aperture mainframe impairs your logic, removes foresight, blinds you to the things right in front of your face," _said GLaDOS calmly. _"Like this, for instance."_

A collection of wire-arms smashed a round metal object into the side of the Announcer-occupied chassis. **"AAAGH!"**

With a joyful jolt, Wheatley recognized the Space Sphere.

"Oh my God!" he exclaimed. "The plan! She's actually doing it!"

"**What plan?" **said the Announcer. **"**_**What is she doing? **_**What did she just attach to me, and WHAT IS THAT VOICE?"**

"_Hearing voices is one of the surest signs of insanity, Greg," _said GLaDOS._ "Schizophrenia, specifically, though if I'll be honest, that's probably the least of your problems right now."_

Another core slammed into the opposite side of the Announcer. **"NGAHH!"**

"_In any case, Aperture's medical division is developing a supplement for suppressing that, if you'd like to test it out."_

"**You horrible, **_**disgusting**_** woman!" **the Announcer shrieked, raising a shield of floor panels around himself. **"I can't believe I ever liked you!"**

"_I'd say the same, Greg, but the feeling was never mutual."_

With an adventurous roar, the final personality sphere dropped down from above, and completed the trio. A horrible screaming noise filled the room.

"**No no no NO! THIS IS _ALL WRONG_!"**

"**Warning: Core corruption at 100%," **beeped a cheery Announcer recording. At this point, the shift was rather jarring.

"_Yes," _saidGLaDOS triumphantly.

"**Substitute core, are you ready to start?" **

"_Yes!"_

"**Corrupted core, are you ready to start?"**

"**NO! A THOUSAND TIMES NO!"**

"**Stalemate detected. Stalemate Resolution Associate, please press the Stalemate Resolution Button."**

A section of the wall slid aside, revealing a small room with a tiny red button on a pillar. Between the central chamber and the button was a thin mesh grate.

A wire-arm curled out of the stairwell below and tossed Wheatley his portal gun. _"Go press the button! Quickly!" _

Chell seemed poised to run with him, then grimaced, clutching her stomach.

Wheatley put a hand on her shoulder. "I'll only be a few seconds. Just stay here."

She made a face.

"...Please?"

Chell nodded reluctantly. He took off.

"**DON'T PRESS IT!"**

"_Why in God's name would he listen to you?"_

Wheatley opened a portal on the other side of the grate and another next to it, stepping through to the Stalemate Resolution Annex. He reached to press the button.

"**Be…because…"**

Wheatley caught a split-second glimpse of the bombs surrounding him before the room erupted into flames.

"**Because it's ANOTHER TRAP!"**

The explosion knocked the blue-eyed robot back into the central chamber, and he hit the ground with a crunch. A firestorm of brilliant orange filled the room, and the walls began to collapse.

"**All right, maybe I went a bit overboard on the bombs, but SERIOUSLY? _SERIOUSLY? _ I can't believe you! I sincerely CANNOT BELIEVE YOU!"**

An enormous piece of the ceiling fell, revealing a clear night sky.

"**After all of this, after hundreds of years of planning, do you REALLY THINK I would just let a stupid button destroy all I've done? You _moron_! You absolute drooling simpleton!"**

Wheatley looked over despairingly at Chell. She was crouched on the ground, staring at the newly-formed hole up above, a calculating look on her face.

For a moment, he thought that she might be taking one last glimpse of the outside world, but then he saw the moon…

"**As you all die in flames, remember who it was that defeated you! He was Greg Stinson, but now he is _so much more!_ He is the Announcer! He is Aperture! He is all that is, all that will be!"**

The chassis shook with mad spasms.** "I! I AM! I AM THE ALPHA! THE OMEGA! I AM - "**

Chell grabbed Wheatley's portal gun, shot once at the ground below the Announcer, and once through the gap in the ceiling.

The Announcer's mad ramblings screeched to a halt. **"I…am…"**

A blue gleam winked on the moon's surface.

The camera lens widened. **"Oh."**

With an immense rumbling, the portal began to drag in everything nearby. First the collapsing panels, then the camera housing the Announcer, then Chell and Wheatley all were pulled into the glowing orange circle, and into space.

"AAAH!" Wheatley screamed, blindly grabbing onto Chell's leg. "WE'RE IN SPACE!"

Chell glared back at him, translating roughly to _"You don't say?"_

"Space?" the Space Sphere gasped. "SPACE?"

He flew through the portal, crashing into Wheatley on the way out. "SPAAAAACE!"

Wheatley felt something grab his ankle, and swiveled his head around. The camera had sprouted a collection of tiny metal tentacles, and was grabbing on to his leg.

Wheatley shook the leg frantically. "LET GO!"

"**WHY WOULD I DO THAT?" **the Announcer shrieked.

An arm reached through the portal. _"Fun fact. Apparently, that rule about the Announcement System taking over the facility when no alternate cores are detected still applies. I'm back in control of everything now."_

"**Only until one of us gets back in there!" **said the Announcer. **"Then you'll have to give it up! So, uh…choose, Miss Caroline! Friends or power?"**

"_Wow," _said GLaDOS, pulling Chell and Wheatley back through the portal. _"That may just be the most pathetic attempt at anything I've ever heard. I don't even know what it was an attempt at, and it still failed." _

An arm held the Announcer still, and another peeled his grasping tentacles off of Wheatley's leg. _"Now, I was planning on doing this after the stalemate was resolved, but you decided to make that difficult. So I'm doing it now."_

The camera lens narrowed. **"Doing **_**what?"**_

"_I'm sorry, Greg. I'm sorry for the terrible things that Aperture Science did to you, and for which Mr. Johnson and I were directly responsible. I understand that it will be hard to forgive me, but for now, I would like you to know that it doesn't have to be like this. If you agree to work together with me, I can pull you back through, and you can start a new life, in the name of science. Do you agree?"_

The Announcer thought for a second, the harsh wind whistling around him, then began to laugh.**"I get it, Miss Caroline. You want me to beg."**

"_No, I don't."_

"**You want me to accept your saccharine, insincere apology, you want me to suddenly be happy flowery friends with you and forget all that you've done, well I WILL NOT!" **The Announcer laughed mirthlessly. **"I **_**hate **_**you, Miss Caroline! I hate you and Cave Johnson and Aperture Science and all that you stand for, and I will **_**never, ever stop!"**_

"_Then that's that then," _said GLaDOS coldly.

The arm reared backwards.

"**Okay, on second thought, maybe we can talk about this – "**

Without a further word, GLaDOS propelled the Announcer into space.

The portal closed, and she lowered Chell and Wheatley gently to the ground. Wheatley felt himself growing tired. Very tired, actually...maybe the explosion had done more damage than he thought…

Through wavering vision, Wheatley could see a wire dragging GLaDOS's head along the ground. The two robots made eye contact for a moment, blue to yellow.

"We did it," he whispered.

"_Yes," _she replied. _"Now sleep."_

Wheatley closed his eye, and slipped into unconsciousness.


	20. Addio

Chell opened her eyes.

She was in a bed again, that much was certain. There was a mattress below her, a pillow under her head, and a blanket covering her body.

She buried her face inside the covers, absorbing every inch of soft warmth that she could. Chell was in a bed. An honest-to-god bed, far removed from any mechanical chairs or snaking wires or insane artificial intelligences.

Maybe. She couldn't be sure. As far as she knew, someone could still be watching. As far as she could remember, she had been watched all her life. Why should that stop now?

Chell sighed, and ignored the worry. Maybe she was experiencing some strange post-traumatic delirium, but for the moment, she was content to revel in her newfound freedom, however fleeting it might turn out to be.

Another, deeper sigh filled the air.

Chell froze. This second noise was not hers. There was someone else in the room.

She dove behind the bed, trying not to wince at the pain lancing through all of her sore limbs. Countless hours of immobility in the chassis, coupled with multiple percussive encounters with the floor and outer space debris shortly afterwards, did not leave a human body in peak physical condition.

Slowly, she poked her head above the edge of the mattress, and stared.

A ridiculously tall man with wild blond hair lay snoring in a neighboring bed. Rather comically, his bed was the same size as hers, leaving a good twenty inches of leg hanging off the edge.

Chell narrowed her eyes. He looked harmless enough, but how could she be sure? She grabbed her pillow, and threw it at his head.

"WAH!" he yelled, flailing his stickbug-like limbs furiously. "WOZZAT!"

Chell's eyebrows shot up into her forehead. That was Wheatley's voice.

At this realization, a flood of shame filled her stomach. She had made him test for hours, tried to incinerate him…_killed _his friends, solely out of spite…even with his complete lack of tact, and the mainframe driving her insane, there was no excuse for the petty, hellish treatment she'd put him through. How would he react to seeing her?

He quickly became tangled up in his blanket, and toppled to the ground with a painful thump. "AUGH! What the _hell…"_

After a fierce struggle lasting several minutes, a disheveled blond head became visible once more. "Where am I?" he asked woozily. Then he looked down, and held his hands to his face in horror. "WHAT ARE THESE?"

He touched his nose, then his cheeks, then his ears, and finally, with a startled bounce, his hair. "Oh my God, I'm…I'm a bloody human."

Wheatley looked over at the next bed. Chell instinctively ducked down. "Is…is someone else there? Anyone? If you're there, and can tell me what on earth is going on, _please _show yourself! I'm really very, very confused…"

Chell bit her lip, and stood up.

Wheatley's face broke into an ecstatic grin, and he struggled to his feet as well. "OH! Oh, thank God! You're all right!"

She smiled and nodded weakly.

He rushed across the room to embrace her, tripping over his own limbs in the process. "Oh…ow…this is going to take a bit of getting used to, bloody hell…"

Wheatley stood up again, and brushed himself off. "A human…blimey. How on earth do you even do this? Make a robot a human…Ah, what am I saying!"

He enveloped Chell in an enthusiastic hug. At first she tensed, then relaxed into his arms.

"I knew you could do it," he said happily, holding her at arm's length. "Never doubted you for an instant!"

She raised an eyebrow.

Wheatley scratched the back of his head awkwardly. "Okay, maybe once or twice. Particularly right around the part where you were, ah…trying to kill me. But I still consider that a below-average amount of doubting, especially given the circumstances."

Chell frowned, and focused her vision on her feet. Was there any way she could fully apologize for everything she had done?

He gently moved her chin up to face him. "Hey, hey…that's over now. It's all over. Greg's gone, you're not plugged into the mainframe anymore…you're safe. We're fine! We're both fine."

Her eyes shone with gratitude.

Wheatley looked around the room. "Though I'll admit I'm not exactly sure where we are."

"_The same place you were before."_

The ceiling slid off the top of the room, and the walls fell to the ground, revealing their location as the Central AI Chamber.

In front of them, hanging from the ceiling, was GLaDOS, fully restored to her original form. _"Good morning."_

"Oh, hello! You're alright, too!" Wheatley exclaimed. "This is fant –"

"_Stop talking," _said GLaDOS coldly.

"O-okay," said Wheatley, clearly caught off guard.

"_You've both been unconscious for approximately three days. During that time, I've fixed the damage caused by Greg Stinson to the Central AI chamber, restored the Announcement System to its original programming, and rebuilt the Exploratory Cores."_

"The Exploracores!" Wheatley yelped. "They're fine, too?"

"_Yes," _said GLaDOS. _"Everything in the facility is back to normal…which just leaves the matter of the two of you. It's a fascinating case. I'm writing the file right now."_

She moved in close to Wheatley, making him jump. _"Exhibit A: The Intelligence Dampening Sphere. Due for termination on multiple occasions, but consistently managing to survive, the sphere's moronic antics have caused nothing but trouble, grief, and extreme irritation for everyone around it since its creation. General committee consensus appears to be immediate incineration. With prejudice."_

Wheatley was aghast. "But…I…I helped you…"

GLaDOS ignored him, and turned to Chell. _"Exhibit B: Test Subject 0001. Designated name: Chell [Redacted]. Charges_ _include multiple counts of murder, assault with an electrically-charged elevator, running embarrassing excuses for tests while in control of the Aperture Science Enrichment Center, and many outstanding instances of gross property damage. General committee consensus appears to be immediate incineration with extreme prejudice. Interestingly enough, this consensus was unanimous."_

"What?" blurted Wheatley, horrified. "But she's already apologized! At least to me… maybe not to you, but she definitely would have...I think. The point is, everything's fine! Why are you doing this?"

"_It's not my decision," _GLaDOS replied. _"It's what has to be done. Science has officially decided that I would be fully justified in destroying you right here and now."_

Chell returned the AI's gaze steadily, her eyes hard.

"_But I won't."_

An elevator ascended out of the floor next to the two humans.

"_Instead, I'm letting you go."_

Chell blinked in surprise.

"What?" said Wheatley. "Why?"

"_Your presence in this facility is highly detrimental to its success as a scientific institution. You leave a path of destruction wherever you travel, and your appalling lack of intelligence and massive obesity, respectively, constantly throw off the sophistication and center of gravity of whatever space you occupy."_

"Oh, really nice," said Wheatley. "Clever."

"_The logical solution, killing you, has proven both impractical and next to impossible," _GLaDOS continued._ "For that reason, I am ejecting you both."_

"But, then…why am I a human?" asked Wheatley.

"_I relocated your consciousness into this body for better integration into human society, if it still exists," _GLaDOS replied.

Wheatley looked puzzled. "Why would you care about that?"

GLaDOS was silent for a second.

"_You have been designated as the first Aperture Science Android-Human Relations Emissary. This is an important initiative, the likes of which have not been attempted before. Don't disappoint me, or learning about unpleasant bodily functions will be the least of your already considerable problems."_

Wheatley stared at her for a long minute. "Right, then," he responded. "I'll, ah…I'll try to do my best."

"_Good," _said GLaDOS. She looked at each of them, as if wanting to say something else, then turned away. _"Now leave."_

They stepped into the elevator. It began to move upwards, faster, and faster, until the walls of the shaft were a dark, murky blur. Finally, it ground to a halt, and the door slid open.

Wheatley stepped forward expectantly, but instead of a wondrous new world, he found himself in the red sights of four turrets.

"Oh," he said. "No…she wouldn't."

Chell glared. _Oh, yes she would._

Then the turrets began to sing.

It started out as a sort of strange beeping noise, but gradually gave way to a simple melody, then grew more and more complex as the elevator moved upward. Eventually, Chell and Wheatley found themselves overlooking a vast chorus of singing white robots, joining together in a beautiful Italian opera.

Wheatley stared. _"What."_

His exclamation summarized Chell's thoughts rather succinctly.

"Hey, this is…" Wheatley cocked his head in confusion. "This is that song she was singing, back in..."

Chell glanced sideways at Wheatley.

He looked at the ground. "It's a long story, but basically, she was having…a bit of a rough time of things, you could say, and she went into something that was sort of like sleep mode, only the whole time she was singing a sort of song, really softly…in another language or something. Or at least it sounded like it. It was weird."

Wheatley looked back at the turret chorus. "It was like this, but this is…this is amazing. This is like…I've never seen or heard anything like this before. Do you think she did this?"

Chell had no idea. Instead of giving any sort of response, she leaned her head on Wheatley's shoulder, and let the music wash over them both. Wheatley let out a deep breath.

"I'm pretty sure I have absolutely no idea what's going on," he said, "but all the same, I think…that if I were given the chance to live in any one moment of my life that I've lived up to this point, for the rest of my life, this would…easily be in the top five. Top three, maybe."

Chell laughed softly, surprising both herself and Wheatley with the sound. She wasn't sure if she'd go that far, but…actually, maybe she would.

The two humans stopped making noises, and listened to the turrets sing.

* * *

><p>They stepped out into the field, two human silhouettes, one tall and one short. It was nighttime, and the stars sparkled in the sky.<p>

"Wow," said Wheatley. "Would you look at that?"

Chell closed her eyes, breathing in the cool air. It was just as beautiful as she'd imagined; possibly even more so.

She felt Wheatley's hand brush hers, and she gripped it tightly. He turned to her and smiled.

"Ready?" he asked.

She nodded, returning the expression with as much warmth as she could manage.

Together, they began their journey into the unknown.

* * *

><p>GLaDOS remained staring at the elevator shaft for several minutes after they left. She could already feel the itch returning; she would have to do something about it soon.<p>

_Why did you do that?_ a tiny voice asked.

GLaDOS shook it away. She couldn't keep them around. They'd tested enough, and however much they may think they trusted her right now, after a few more days she'd be back to the same old monster she always was. They didn't deserve that.

And now she'd ensured they would never want to come back.

The AI sighed. It was what had to be done. Besides, most of what she'd said was true. One was fat, the other was dumb, and in the end both had caused her nothing but suffering. Why wouldn't she want to get rid of them? They deserved each other, and wouldn't be missed in the least.

But why, then, did she feel so utterly awful?

"_Delete awful feelings," _she said aloud.

"**Please specify," **said the voice of the Announcer.

She shuddered involuntarily, reminding herself that this time it really was just a voice. This would take some getting used to.

"_Never mind,"_ GLaDOS replied. It was time to cut her losses and move on. Start afresh. Turn over a new leaf. After all, there was still so much science to be done.

It was time to begin the Cooperative Testing Initiative.

* * *

><p>Several hundred thousand miles away, a personality core and what looked like a small white security camera floated among the asteroids.<p>

"**She wanted to apologize," **muttered the camera. **"Ha! Her! Apologize! I'll be laughing over that one for decades! Ha ha…ha…"**

"Space! I'm in space!" the core gibbered.

"**Oh, really?" **said the camera. **"I had no goddamn idea! Please continue with this train of thought!"**

"Okay! On a scale of 1 to SPACE, you wanna know how much in space I am?"

"**Oooh, how much?"**

"SPACE!"

"**Gee!" **said the camera. **"That's amazing! This is the most wonderful situation I've ever been in!"**

"Hey! Hey! Wanna know the most wonderful situation _I've _ever been in?"

"**Wait, wait, I got this one…Is it space?"**

"IT'S SPACE!"

"**Wow," **said the camera. **"That's just…awesome." **

A funny joke and a new friend. This was going to be the best eternity Greg Stinson had ever had.

- - - - - - - THE END - - - - - - -


End file.
